I agree the disruptive and disobedient behavior of your daughter needs to be 'headed off at the pass'. In my opinion, you might as well discard some of the secular interpretations about the natural bents and predispositions of children. I interpret ADD to mean- A Double Dose, i.e, a double dose of potential. These have the potential to change the world for the good, or without proper guidance, may very well get crosswise in the flow of life.
I think it is unwise to argue with a child. I have seven children, ranging in ages from three months to 26 years. My children know that I will listen and consider what they have to say, and if after hearing them and I do not agree, its end of discussion. I have no grey areas about where I stand on important matters. My constitution is laid out black and white. A parent's constitution will be quickly made evident to the child, through what the parent does, or does not do in a given situation. From those experiences they soon learn whether or not obedience is optional. They look past what you say, and observe what you truly believe. By God's design, the husband must lead in drafting the constitution which should be based on the principles and concepts laid out in scripture. As role of helpmate you can help write it, examine it, and rewrite it if necessary. If the two of you will commit to that, then the Holy Spirit will guide you in truth. Proverbs 16:9 "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps."
I too have a five year old daughter. God gifted her with a pretty big motor, that doesn't throttle down much in the coarse of a day. Under supervision we allow her to change diapers on our three month old baby, wash dishes, help clean house, and other domestic chores as well. Its not about getting it perfect. Children will make mistakes. My five year old prefers to be engaged in what we are doing, and delights in being commended for a job well done. As a leader, I'll take a self-starter any day, over one that has to be hand cranked and prodded along. If the Lord has given you a child with a throttled up engine, then get your foot off the brake petal, put both hands on the steering wheel and drive to the finish line.
Progress, is making new mistakes