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How do you go on?

T

Tess

New Member
Not sure if this topic is allowed but here goes....

How do you go on when things end badly?

Sister wife, friend of many years, second mother to my children went off the deep end and we were forced to end things. For a time she stayed with us and watched the children while we worked, but even that became too stressful. I left the house and got my own place while she left the house. I'm trying to put the pieces of my relationship with my husband back together and honestly my relationship with my Heavenly Father as well.

I feel so betrayed and lost and I don't know what to do or say or how to make things right.
 
Hi Tess, I am truly sorry you are having to go thru this. It is always heartbreaking when marriages come a part and I think even so more for plural marriage that we have given up so much for to make happen. I encourage you to allow yourself the time to grieve over this lost relationship. I think acknowledging how we feel is the best starting point for sorting thru them and putting them in healthy places for our mind and heart. You will then have to decide what direction you want to go. You can hold on to bitterness and anger over the feelings of betrayal and not feeling in control or you can acknowledge bad decisions were made by your SW (and probably your husband and you) and that grace and forgiveness need to be given to all of you. Ask God to show you a small good that came out of this relationship, something He used to his glory. We humans are so failing but God is amazingly strong and wise. He is the only one who can help us up off the ground and walk with us down the right path, the path we need to be on.

Again, I am truly sorry for your loss. I will pray that grace and understanding will be with you. Also, if you want to talk with someone please start a conversation (private message) with me by clicking on my member name. I would be happy to talk with you and help in anyway I can.
 
Hey, Tess, how are things going? Praying for all of you.
 
Dear Tess,
My heart goes out to you, and I wish I could make it better for you. While our marriage relationship didn't take a hit, the whole situation has been tough. The only thing that gets me through is to continually forgive, if for no other reason than to keep my relationship with my heavenly Father healthy. I think the two things I would tell you at this point are to immerse yourself in stories about the power of forgiveness, and don't forget to worship. Music has healing powers, truly a gift from God! Also, don't forget to laugh! Tonight we were talking about Ethel and Lucy on the Women's chat. People have recovered from terminal illnesses through laughter, so be sure to laugh everyday. It is going to be three steps forward, two back, but as long as you are determined to "fall forward," you'll be ok, inch by inch.
 
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Also, Tess, I would like to give you a personal invitation to the Women's Conference, which is going to be held in Atlanta the weekend of March 10-12. We are going to be talking about some really practical stuff that can help in your situation, or any other, for that matter. It is a safe place where you can be yourself. Think and pray about it, and hope to see you there! We would love to minister to you.
 
Tess, you've been given some great advice here. Really, what it's going to take is time. Grasp hold of YHWH and have Him as your centre, then go from there.
I read this today:
Most of us are underpaid and underappreciated for the work we do. When you call marriage “work,” you subconsciously tell yourself you are giving more than you are receiving. But when you use words like “effort” or “investment,” there is an expectation there will be a reward. The more effort you put in the more reward you will get out. The more investment you put in, the larger the dividend that pays out.
Click to expand...

At times it feels like marriage is such hard work, and we can even get to the point where we wonder if it's worth it. But marriage is not hard work at all, it's an effort for sure, but we do get the reward at the end. The more you put in, the more you will get out. Start slowly on repairing your relationship with hubby, you will get there, but it will take a decent amount of effort over time. Well worth it for the rewards you'll receive.
I also suggest taking Ali up on her advice and heading along to the women's conference. There is nothing better than personal fellowship, and these women are wonderful and wise. If I could go, I would, but I live in New Zealand and have 6 little children. I bet it would be easier for you than that! So go and pray, laugh, and cry, and I promise you it will be well worth it.
 
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