sixth_heretic said:
I am a husband to only one wife and have no prospects of a new wife on the horizon. However I do plan on getting a second wife eventually. How would a husband date a second wife (to the gentlemen) and how would a current wife like her husband to date potential future wives (to the ladies.)
Hello,
In this country it is very hard, but it all comes down to networking. There are a few websites designed for plural marriage networking that you could start with. Our retreats can help in this area as well.
Just some general observations that may help create a peaceful transition (or things I might have done differently):
Sometimes we learn lessons the hard way, and unfortunately, this is the way I usually learn things. The "hard way" is a great teacher, but it is a very painful one!
When everything is said and done, finding a wife is about relationship building. How does one build relationships. It comes through communication, that is speaking and listening, and spending time together. However, the process is more complicated as you increase the number of people who need to communicate and spend time together.
1. As a Bible believing husband, when a potential new wife is found, communication needs to begin to discover if she has similar beliefs, values and interests with you and your wife or wives. This does not mean you have to find out all of these things in the first conversation.
2. If you find that there is general agreement, then the potential wife should meet your wife, or wives, and family. It is not about you alone. It is about the entire family.
3. After the meeting, you and your wife or wives need to discuss the fit. Keep in mind that you will never find a "perfect" fit. Relationships do not work that way.
4. If everyone agrees, then all of you need to get to know each other through group events. These should be events that help everyone to discover how the potential wife handles various social situations, to include fun, formal, stressful, children, etc... Some of these group events need to be with you as the potential husband, and some of these events should be with the ladies alone. In other words, everyone should get to know the potential wife before proceeding further.
5. After a season of these events, you and the wife, or wives, should sit down and discuss if further relationship building should take place.
6. If there is agreement with this, then more personal dating could begin (non-sexual). At this point, it would be
natural for all the ladies to be pursuing friendships with each other. If this isn't taking place, this could be a negative sign post!
7. After a season of this, then one more meeting should take place with the wife/wives to decide if marriage is to be pursued. Keep in mind that the man has the final authority on this decision, but with that said, "love not force" would in most cases be the most desirable means to bring about a peaceful family!
