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H from SC

D

Dancingapple

New Member
Female
Joining in the forum discussions from SC.
First and only wife, a decade plus into the marriage. Newly converted to understanding the Biblical legitimacy of PM. I understand on paper, but am genuinely sick to my stomach to think of it practically in my life. A young woman is our lives and though my husband says it ending up “working out” is unlikely..I’m still wrestling with all the negative emotions that come along with this being a possible reality. Hoping to find some light in this pit I’m in. Will be joining in the Ladies Only chat.
 
Dancingapple said:
Joining in the forum discussions from SC.
First and only wife, a decade plus into the marriage. Newly converted to understanding the Biblical legitimacy of PM. I understand on paper, but am genuinely sick to my stomach to think of it practically in my life. A young woman is our lives and though my husband says it ending up “working out” is unlikely..I’m still wrestling with all the negative emotions that come along with this being a possible reality. Hoping to find some light in this pit I’m in. Will be joining in the Ladies Only chat.
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I'm on the other end of this situation as the husband. My wife seems to be struggling with it because of the social implications. She's afraid people will shun her if we go through with it. I'm interested in hearing more from your perspective so I can learn how to navigate these problems.
 
I have no advice. I’m devastated by the idea of PM, hurt that my husband is entertaining the attention of another woman. I’ve been removed from church fellowship for years at a time, had no friends, was full no-contact with my mother and half of my family for over 10 years. I’m no stranger to social ostracism. But I don’t look forward to the possibility of having an even smaller pool of people to fellowship with if this whole nightmare comes to fruition. No one in my social circle or family would be understanding of this lifestyle. Not sure if that information helps. Food for thought I guess.
 
Shalom and welcome to the forum. My advice to you is, take your time and don't get in hurry. Read and study the Bible on the subject; your wife does have legitimate concerns about the negative social impact on your lives. Yes, people will shun you over this Bible Truth. BUT, you will also gain new friends who can help and support you in this journey.
 
Dancingapple said:
I have no advice. I’m devastated by the idea of PM, hurt that my husband is entertaining the attention of another woman. I’ve been removed from church fellowship for years at a time, had no friends, was full no-contact with my mother and half of my family for over 10 years. I’m no stranger to social ostracism. But I don’t look forward to the possibility of having an even smaller pool of people to fellowship with if this whole nightmare comes to fruition. No one in my social circle or family would be understanding of this lifestyle. Not sure if that information helps. Food for thought I guess.
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It's important for me to hear a woman's perspective, whether I like the information or not. Is it mostly the social implications that bother you? Why have you been shunned in the past, if you don't mind me asking? How has your relationship with your husband been before this?
 
There are dozens of reasons I am upset by the idea. That’s up there on the list of reasons, maybe top ten. I was never shunned. My husband kept us from joining a church for that period of years, unable to find one that suited our specific beliefs. Practicing Biblical separation was the reasoning for no contact with those family members. Our marriage has been great for the past year, was decent for the other years.
 
Dancingapple said:
There are dozens of reasons I am upset by the idea. That’s up there on the list of reasons, maybe top ten. I was never shunned. My husband kept us from joining a church for that period of years, unable to find one that suited our specific beliefs. Practicing Biblical separation was the reasoning for no contact with those family members. Our marriage has been great for the past year, was decent for the other years.
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What did he say when you told him about your concerns?
 
indigenouspolygynist said:
What did he say when you told him about your concerns?
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The concerns specifically about being socially shunned? There have been countless conversations. I can’t recall all he’s said on the subject. He’s mentioned how we both tend to be countercultural, so it wouldn’t be much of a stretch. He’s said we could move and find like minded people and a supportive church. He’s said we would likely live a quiet life and wouldn’t draw overmuch attention to ourselves. He’s said not to be concerned with how the world views our lives, that the world doesn’t agree with most of how we live our life together anyways, He’s also (a time or two) joined in my concerns that we wouldn’t have a robust social life for our children to find spouses in. He’s not 100% sold on starting this journey, to be clear. It’s in the Lord’s hands and he’s not trying to snatch it out.
 
Welcome! I am so glad you made an introduction. This site is primarily to give support and relay information regarding Patriarchy and Biblical marriage/Polygyny through posted information and the thoughts of others walking this path, too. It sounds like you have desired to be a good wife and follow your husbands' decisions for the family in other things, so I encourage you to take a deep breath and take stock of the man that he is. Give yourself the time you need to study and research this crazy new way of thinking about marriage relationships. You don't need to know everything today, you just need to trust in God to show you what you do need to understand for the moment. Most of us have been where you are in one way or another, and we desire to be a support to you and your husband as best we can.

I do hope you will make a Ladies video chat at some point. We are a small group usually but that makes asking questions and sharing a bit easier.

May you find some good things here and that God will direct you to the threads that would be helpful to you. Blessings!
 
Dancingapple said:
But I don’t look forward to the possibility of having an even smaller pool of people to fellowship with if this whole nightmare comes to fruition. No one in my social circle or family would be understanding of this lifestyle.
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The very reason that this site exists. I hope that you guys can make it to one or more of the retreats that we have. It’s a great time to meet new friends.
In the meantime, welcome to the forum. You are doing a great job of expressing your concerns in a place that is very supportive of people’s journeys.
 
Dancingapple said:
Joining in the forum discussions from SC.
First and only wife, a decade plus into the marriage. Newly converted to understanding the Biblical legitimacy of PM. I understand on paper, but am genuinely sick to my stomach to think of it practically in my life. A young woman is our lives and though my husband says it ending up “working out” is unlikely..I’m still wrestling with all the negative emotions that come along with this being a possible reality. Hoping to find some light in this pit I’m in. Will be joining in the Ladies Only chat.
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Welcome! We have a number of families in and around SC that would be very willing to interact, meet and demystify some of this for you. Please let me know if you’d like me to reach out to any of them.
 
Welcome!

I hope you fund some comfort and friendship with ladies here. We understand what you are feeling. For some ladies, it’s easier to accept- and others like myself- not so much. I will say it does get less emotional as time goes by. I wrote a blog years ago about my struggles and lessons learned along the way. I haven’t updated in a long time because life has been rather uneventful regarding plural and my heart has been a lot more at peace.

Hopefully you can find some comfort in reading through my journey.

whenwebecamethree.wixsite.com

Peeling The Onion - Intro

The journey into accepting Plural marriage from a woman’s perspective Life is a funny thing; it is unpredictable and will often throw a curve ball when you least expect it. We can have hopes and dreams for the future- and even make plans to carry them out to reality, BUT when life happens; the...
whenwebecamethree.wixsite.com whenwebecamethree.wixsite.com
 
Hello and welcome! Congratulations on just being brave enough to reach out! The ladies calls on here will definitely help you personally from people who have been there before you.

Also regardless of if the Lord adds to your family or not, His truth on this matter will bring up alot that will deepen your relationship with Father God and if done right your Husband.

It sounds like the meetups would definitely benefit you guys as well.

Gods peace be upon you.
 
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