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After 6 years, we've found her!

Tesfalcon

Tesfalcon

Member
Male
As I mentioned at the time, I have been discussing the option of a 2nd wife w Sandra (the 1st) since 2006. For this entire period, the theoretical wife was "she", "her", etc.: nameless, faceless.

At long last, we have met that 2nd (Di'Dammie). It's been a bit of a whirlwind romance, but we are all thoroughly convinced this is right. As such, we are engaged w the wedding set for when we move into our new house which has already been under construction. That should mean it'll be sometime this year, 2013.

1st wife has already blessed me w 8 children. 2nd is practically sterile. We already get stared at w so many kids to 2 adults. The adult:child ratio improves & the stares are actually less. Lots of advantages in this relationship.

Suggestions?
Advice?
Recommendations?

- TNF
West Texas
 
Congratulations! Take your time and make sure everyone is ready for this life-changing event and may the Lord bless you all.
 
I would like the three of you to sit down and ask each other these questions TOGETHER. Find someone to watch the kids, because this is a grown up conversation. Put on a pot of coffee, get around a table so you can look each other in the eye, and make a pledge to HONESTLY answer any question asked. If you survive this, then you will probably make it.

Questions:

Why are you getting married? An honest question that requires an honest answer from all three of you.
Does everyone have a dynamic relationship with Jesus?
How do you plan to meet the spiritual needs of your family if you are unable to attend a church fellowship together?
Do you have a mission statement or plan for your new family?
What are your short range goals? What are your long range goals?
Have you ever been in a serious relationship before? Was it a sexual relationship? How did it end? What did you learn?
Where will you live? In one house or separate homes?
Do you plan to be publicly open about plural marriage, or maintain a 'secret' relationship?
Are there children involved? How will discipline issues be handled? Do you plan to have more children?
Are there "exes" involved? How will you handle the plural marriage issue with them?
How will the plural marriage issue be handled with EXTENDED (grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc) family?
Have you discussed money? Will you have one account, or three? Will everyone work, or just the husband?
What is your biggest financial obligation?
What is everyone's credit score? (HINT: ASK THIS QUESTION OF EVERYONE!)
How clean/organized do you like your house, land, etc.? What expectations would you have of your spouse and/or family in this?
What is your view on the subject of submission in the wife-husband relationship? Is everyone on the same page?
Are you easily offended? Do you have a sense of humor?
What is your biggest fear?
What makes you angry? What makes you crazy happy?
What's the difference between sex and love?
Do you like sex? How often should we have sex? What is off limits? (IMPORTANT QUESTIONS HERE, FOLKS...DON'T BE SHY ABOUT ASKING!)
Is everyone healthy? When's the last time you had a medical checkup? Are there any health issues that everyone should know about?
What is the 'deal breaker' in this marriage? In other words, what would have to happen to make you pack up your bags and head out the front door and never look back?
You have come into a sudden windfall of $100,000. How would the three of you handle this influx of cash? What would you spend it on?
Is there anything about your past that I don’t know, but should be aware of?

and the toughest question of all....

Who's the boss?

If you make it past these questions without killing each other, someone storming out, or worse, then I would say your odds are pretty good. Unfortunately, most plural marriages NEVER ask these questions before or AFTER getting married.

Save yourself some heartache....ASK THESE QUESTIONS!!

Blessings,

Doc

PS Let me know if you make it through....
 
Doc's list of questions is brilliant. Should make a FAQ post on that Doc. Also, we did a pre-marriage course through our church and went through a Christian pre-marriage workbook before our wedding. Although these resources are aimed at monogamy, most of it is just as applicable to polygamy. I'd go to a Christian bookstore and browse through what pre-marriage resources they have, get a workbook and go through it together. It will probably raise further questions you really should be asking each other that aren't on Doc's list.
 
I am very happy for you all! Praying for wisdom, grace and love as you begin this journey of plural marriage.
 
Brother those are some of the best questions I have seen in a long time!

DocInKorea said:
I would like the three of you to sit down and ask each other these questions TOGETHER. Find someone to watch the kids, because this is a grown up conversation. Put on a pot of coffee, get around a table so you can look each other in the eye, and make a pledge to HONESTLY answer any question asked. If you survive this, then you will probably make it.

Questions:

Why are you getting married? An honest question that requires an honest answer from all three of you.
Does everyone have a dynamic relationship with Jesus?
How do you plan to meet the spiritual needs of your family if you are unable to attend a church fellowship together?
Do you have a mission statement or plan for your new family?
What are your short range goals? What are your long range goals?
Have you ever been in a serious relationship before? Was it a sexual relationship? How did it end? What did you learn?
Where will you live? In one house or separate homes?
Do you plan to be publicly open about plural marriage, or maintain a 'secret' relationship?
Are there children involved? How will discipline issues be handled? Do you plan to have more children?
Are there "exes" involved? How will you handle the plural marriage issue with them?
How will the plural marriage issue be handled with EXTENDED (grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc) family?
Have you discussed money? Will you have one account, or three? Will everyone work, or just the husband?
What is your biggest financial obligation?
What is everyone's credit score? (HINT: ASK THIS QUESTION OF EVERYONE!)
How clean/organized do you like your house, land, etc.? What expectations would you have of your spouse and/or family in this?
What is your view on the subject of submission in the wife-husband relationship? Is everyone on the same page?
Are you easily offended? Do you have a sense of humor?
What is your biggest fear?
What makes you angry? What makes you crazy happy?
What's the difference between sex and love?
Do you like sex? How often should we have sex? What is off limits? (IMPORTANT QUESTIONS HERE, FOLKS...DON'T BE SHY ABOUT ASKING!)
Is everyone healthy? When's the last time you had a medical checkup? Are there any health issues that everyone should know about?
What is the 'deal breaker' in this marriage? In other words, what would have to happen to make you pack up your bags and head out the front door and never look back?
You have come into a sudden windfall of $100,000. How would the three of you handle this influx of cash? What would you spend it on?
Is there anything about your past that I don’t know, but should be aware of?

and the toughest question of all....

Who's the boss?

If you make it past these questions without killing each other, someone storming out, or worse, then I would say your odds are pretty good. Unfortunately, most plural marriages NEVER ask these questions before or AFTER getting married.

Save yourself some heartache....ASK THESE QUESTIONS!!

Blessings,

Doc

PS Let me know if you make it through....
Click to expand...
 
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