I want to talk about the attitude that women need to have about everything in our lives. In the past several weeks, I have made a huge change in the way I think, and I want to share. I have begun to look forward to each day, including its challenges. For "This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." (Psa 118:24)
I have been reading several of the boards and lots of the posts on them. I see a theme that seems to be throughout the world of sister-wives. One thing I read said something to the affect that some people like separate houses because the wives are uncomfortable seeing hubby display affection to the sister-wife and it is hard for them to see him going to the other wife's room. The writer referred to the time hubby was with the other wife as "being away" and it seemed like she was in denial to the situation. This kind of rubbed me the wrong way so I had to figure out why. I think that when we think like this it is a way of staying in denial about what is happening in our family. It is not comfortable at first, I know. So many things that we enjoy in life are uncomfortable at first. Exercise, having children, studying, eating right. Even sex is uncomfortable at first. Each of these situations begin as uncomfortable, but through practice and by acknowledging the positives that they bring, we come to a place where we enjoy the activity and embrace the good it does for us.
I am not saying that everyone who has different wives in different locations is in denial. Each family must do what is right for the entire family. What I am getting to is the attitude of denial. The attitude of pretense that everything is the same as always, just hubby doesn't come home every night. I think about the time that hubby was overseas. I was married, but I wasn't responsible for his care and feeding every day. That gave me the freedom to do things for myself that many wives wouldn't have the opportunity to do. I think that this attitude can be easily brought into a biblical family. I do not have a sister-wife at the moment (That is another story). I am working on a quilt project right now, that I must squeeze in between all my other responsibilities as a wife who works out of the home. So my quilt is moving at a slow pace. If I had a sister-wife, it would be very okay for me to say "SW will you take care of the wife jobs today so I can concentrate on my quilt?" In all likelihood, she would have no problem with that because there are times when she says to me "SW I want to go shopping all day today, will you take care of the wife jobs?" This allows us both freedom to do things that interest us without neglecting our poor helpless hubby.
Yes it is uncomfortable to see hubby showing affection to a sister-wife at first. But don't we get used to what we want to get used to? When we had to start exercising to lose a bit of weight wasn't that uncomfortable at first? Did we get to a place where we liked what it did for us and decided that it was worth the discomfort? I know I did. I believe that every positive in our lives has things associated that are maybe not so pleasant. Does hubby make a lot of money, but work lots of hours for it? Do you drive a nice car but have a large car payment? Do you stay at home with your children and homeschool, but sacrifice expensive toys and vacations for it? Everything has trade-offs. I believe that to "get used" to this kind of lifestyle is better than the alternative. I believe once the door to polygyny is opened it won't close, so...
1. if you embrace the possibilities of what poly can do for you, it can be a wonderful thing
2. if you are bitter and angry, you may control your hubby to the point where he never gets a second wife but at what cost?
3. if he never has a second wife because you are not ready for it, is he secretly fantasizing about it? Or is he resenting you because you are stopping him from what he believes is his right and possibly calling?
4. is it possible that some men may secretly marry another woman and by denying him this right, you may be driving a wedge between you.
These are not accusations, by the way. They are really questions to ask yourself. I have asked myself all of these questions through the years. But because of my new attitude on life, I wanted to share what poly can do for you. I don't have children, but if I had a sister-wife who was willing to love my children for a few hours here and there, it would be so much easier. Imagine how much nicer it would be to do your housework without constant interruptions from hubby or children because there is another who is willing to help them. Or imagine that you don't have to do all the housework or cooking because there is another there who is just as willing. Imagine, going on a weekend with hubby, knowing exactly who is with the children and that they are safe and well cared for. Imagine, taking care of her children so she can do the same thing. I have a picture in my mind of a great sleepover complete with movies, cookie baking and popcorn.
Maybe I am crazy, I don't know. But I miss having another wife to share with. I would love to have a friend who would go shopping with me. Someone to plan with and to encourage and love in a way that only very best friends can. I miss having someone to talk to each day who knows me almost as well as I know myself. I miss having someone I can depend on to back me up. I want every woman on this board to understand that while yes, our husbands do want another wife and that can be hard to deal with at first, we can also want a sister wife and that is wonderful.
I guess that I really want to encourage each lady on this board to be thankful and to be content. Our husbands know God and they have been given a special knowledge that not everyone has. They would not be given this knowledge unless God wanted them to do something with it. So in every situation we should be content and be thankful for the husband that God gave us. We should also be generous and sensitive to the possibility that God may want to give him to another wife.
SweetLissa
I have been reading several of the boards and lots of the posts on them. I see a theme that seems to be throughout the world of sister-wives. One thing I read said something to the affect that some people like separate houses because the wives are uncomfortable seeing hubby display affection to the sister-wife and it is hard for them to see him going to the other wife's room. The writer referred to the time hubby was with the other wife as "being away" and it seemed like she was in denial to the situation. This kind of rubbed me the wrong way so I had to figure out why. I think that when we think like this it is a way of staying in denial about what is happening in our family. It is not comfortable at first, I know. So many things that we enjoy in life are uncomfortable at first. Exercise, having children, studying, eating right. Even sex is uncomfortable at first. Each of these situations begin as uncomfortable, but through practice and by acknowledging the positives that they bring, we come to a place where we enjoy the activity and embrace the good it does for us.
I am not saying that everyone who has different wives in different locations is in denial. Each family must do what is right for the entire family. What I am getting to is the attitude of denial. The attitude of pretense that everything is the same as always, just hubby doesn't come home every night. I think about the time that hubby was overseas. I was married, but I wasn't responsible for his care and feeding every day. That gave me the freedom to do things for myself that many wives wouldn't have the opportunity to do. I think that this attitude can be easily brought into a biblical family. I do not have a sister-wife at the moment (That is another story). I am working on a quilt project right now, that I must squeeze in between all my other responsibilities as a wife who works out of the home. So my quilt is moving at a slow pace. If I had a sister-wife, it would be very okay for me to say "SW will you take care of the wife jobs today so I can concentrate on my quilt?" In all likelihood, she would have no problem with that because there are times when she says to me "SW I want to go shopping all day today, will you take care of the wife jobs?" This allows us both freedom to do things that interest us without neglecting our poor helpless hubby.
Yes it is uncomfortable to see hubby showing affection to a sister-wife at first. But don't we get used to what we want to get used to? When we had to start exercising to lose a bit of weight wasn't that uncomfortable at first? Did we get to a place where we liked what it did for us and decided that it was worth the discomfort? I know I did. I believe that every positive in our lives has things associated that are maybe not so pleasant. Does hubby make a lot of money, but work lots of hours for it? Do you drive a nice car but have a large car payment? Do you stay at home with your children and homeschool, but sacrifice expensive toys and vacations for it? Everything has trade-offs. I believe that to "get used" to this kind of lifestyle is better than the alternative. I believe once the door to polygyny is opened it won't close, so...
1. if you embrace the possibilities of what poly can do for you, it can be a wonderful thing
2. if you are bitter and angry, you may control your hubby to the point where he never gets a second wife but at what cost?
3. if he never has a second wife because you are not ready for it, is he secretly fantasizing about it? Or is he resenting you because you are stopping him from what he believes is his right and possibly calling?
4. is it possible that some men may secretly marry another woman and by denying him this right, you may be driving a wedge between you.
These are not accusations, by the way. They are really questions to ask yourself. I have asked myself all of these questions through the years. But because of my new attitude on life, I wanted to share what poly can do for you. I don't have children, but if I had a sister-wife who was willing to love my children for a few hours here and there, it would be so much easier. Imagine how much nicer it would be to do your housework without constant interruptions from hubby or children because there is another who is willing to help them. Or imagine that you don't have to do all the housework or cooking because there is another there who is just as willing. Imagine, going on a weekend with hubby, knowing exactly who is with the children and that they are safe and well cared for. Imagine, taking care of her children so she can do the same thing. I have a picture in my mind of a great sleepover complete with movies, cookie baking and popcorn.
Maybe I am crazy, I don't know. But I miss having another wife to share with. I would love to have a friend who would go shopping with me. Someone to plan with and to encourage and love in a way that only very best friends can. I miss having someone to talk to each day who knows me almost as well as I know myself. I miss having someone I can depend on to back me up. I want every woman on this board to understand that while yes, our husbands do want another wife and that can be hard to deal with at first, we can also want a sister wife and that is wonderful.
I guess that I really want to encourage each lady on this board to be thankful and to be content. Our husbands know God and they have been given a special knowledge that not everyone has. They would not be given this knowledge unless God wanted them to do something with it. So in every situation we should be content and be thankful for the husband that God gave us. We should also be generous and sensitive to the possibility that God may want to give him to another wife.
SweetLissa
