Coming around...

[redfox]

Well, it's been 2 years really since all this started. My youngest will be 2 on the last day of February (well, technically the day after, he's a Leap Day baby). It was shortly after that that things started changing in my life in ways I never considered were even an option, and in ways that I'd hoped would never happen. I have fought it for most of this time, and still have my moments, but I am finding them lessening. I am also starting to find myself wanting to make it work in such a way where everyone is happy, and where there isn't this wall between myself and dh's 2nd wife. It seems that that has started to crumble just the tiniest little bit as of late. We've started working together on dh's upcoming birthday, and for the first time will be doing a date with just the three of us, together. No kids, no making dh take us out separately. And you know what? I'm actually looking forward to it.

For me, this is big, and to a degree, I'm not sure where the change is coming from. God, most likely, because I still have moments where my own desires flare up a bit. But I'm getting there. I want things to work. I want us to all be happy. I still don't want to see certain things, like them being affectionate, but even that isn't nearly as bad as it was before. I think I can do this. I'm trying to do this. Hopefully, I'm succeeding at least a little bit.

I know a few of you I have talked with a little more privately a while ago, and wanted to update where I am. Thank you so much for your support and prayers. You have really been helpful.

 

[sweetlissa]

You have come such a long way in a relatively short time. Yes God is at work in you and I can see that he will continue to work in you until you wonder how you ever felt differently toward hubby's other wife.

I am so proud of you. I think that you have shown a great example to others.

SweetLissa

 

[redfox]

he will continue to work in you until you wonder how you ever felt differently toward hubby's other wife.

I don't know about that I know some of the hurts of that time will still be there, but they aren't as painful anymore. I can really only deal with here and now, and the future at this point, and just wait for the other stuff to dull with time. I'm getting there though

 

[julieb]

How wonderful is that testimony! It really resonates with me. You probably have noticed at least once my posting sign off, "Hope for the Future". I use that because in so many cases in PM we have a season of hopelessness of how PM really will work for us ladies. That is to work for the "good" for us! At least that was how it was for me, so many days of feeling like I was being stretched emotionally and spiritual to the breaking point. Having those days where hopelessness seemed so strong that you weren't sure if there was a "good" God actually up there. I don't mean to be such a downer but it is only that once you have felt the hardship do you truly appreciate the joy in doing God's will. You, Scaredwife, have been an obedient wife thru it all. I know, not perfect but still standing behind your husband and the call he believes in. That certainly is a great example, as Lissa said.

I will be praying that your "date for 3" will go really well. I also pray that it will be as you say, another step in breaking down the wall between you and your sisterwife. What a great reflection you have been of Christ's love to her. I will also pray that your husband will truly apprciate all that you two have done for him!

As always I wish you hope for the future,
Julieb

 

[redfox]

Thanks Julie

I definitely know too well the days of wondering just how good God was during those times. I think I handled my miscarriages better than a lot of this. But, it is getting better. I am looking forward to our date night, especially as we are planning on going to a really neat little restaurant that we hardly ever go to, but always talk about. You have to figure out where the front door is, then figure out how to open the door, all while the people who are in the know watch and snicker She's never been there, so we plan on having lots of fun with it.

I am glad that you all have helped me as much as you have, both privately and publicly. I don't think I could have done it without any outside support, and I'm still not comfortable talking about it IRL, probably won't be any time soon considering the damage it could easily do to our family.

 

[seekHim1]

How wonderful is that testimony! It really resonates with me. You probably have noticed at least once my posting sign off, "Hope for the Future". I use that because in so many cases in PM we have a season of hopelessness of how PM really will work for us ladies. That is to work for the "good" for us! At least that was how it was for me, so many days of feeling like I was being stretched emotionally and spiritual to the breaking point. Having those days where hopelessness seemed so strong that you weren't sure if there was a "good" God actually up there. I don't mean to be such a downer but it is only that once you have felt the hardship do you truly appreciate the joy in doing God's will.

Boy, can I second all those emotions. It's nice to know I'm not alone and that others "get it."

Scaredwife, I'm so proud of you! I'm happy to see you post this and I'm excited for your date night with all 3 of you! I can't wait to hear how it goes. That restaurant sounds fun! I will continue to pray for you and your family.