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Coming Out to Family and Friends.....

Nikismom

Nikismom

Member
We have been trying to consider the feelings and hearts of some very special family members concerning PM and not being super open with our choice.

Our pastor has already figured it out and seemed at one point to be all supportive. He is coming over today to "visit" us and I'm nervous about his visit.

I don't know what we should say or anything and I hate feeling like we are being confronted about this!

I have family members who are supportive and friends as well but I have a huge knot in my stomach concerning my pastor!

Please pray for us. we need guidance.
 
I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now. I'm praying for you and your family. What church do you guys belong to?

Blessings,
Michelle
 
Good luck :) A friend of ours figured it out recently, and is probably at the point where she won't ever speak to me again.

I think her biggest issue is that she lied to her daughter and told her that women couldn't get pregnant unless they were married, and she didn't know how to explain SW (who babysat for her) being pregnant, even though she isn't "married". Not to mention she just assumes this is an abuse situation and that SW and I are being forced into this.

Mil knows because our kids have big mouths, but she hasn't really "discussed" it with us very much yet, so I don't know where that stands.

Our pastor is aware thanks to our friend talking to him about us, but we haven't heard from him since we left the church over a year ago, and it's unlikely we will at all.

One of these days, I hope to get around to telling my family. They live in another state though, so it's easier to hide it from them.
 
My prayers are with you Nikismom. The phase of telling others and then having others speak out of turn to more people is very stressful. I hope your meeting with your Pastor went well. My advice would be to remember that you aren't responsible for people's reactions, they are. You just have to be responsible for your words and attitude towards them, even when they are being "ungodly". Allow God to firmly plant His promises in your heart. Take the time to remind yourself of all the truths you already know from His Word. :)

With hope for the future,
Julieb
 
Thank you so very much ladies.

Things went better with the pastor than I expected however he did tell us that he believes it is not sin but not meant to be practiced nowadays. He gave some schpeel about marriage is supposed to be a physical representation of Christ and that Church, and he didn't think that Christ intended to be poly.

Anywho.... after much discussion and my explaining to him that I do know families that are successful Plural families he agree to research the subject more fully. I even told him he could look at this site.

We didn't feel threatened (praise God) and it was not horribly uncomfortable but I was stressed!
 
I'm glad to hear it went well :)
 
I am glad to hear things went well, I can imagine how stressful that was for you, let's hope that his further research is productive.

I spent the evening with a friend explaining what poly means to me, she was very interested and open, if only everyone would react that way.

Bels
x
 
Bels,

I know just what you mean!! I was surprised to find that my sister In law was supportive! She and I just kind of fell into the subject one day and she agreed about the bible not condemning PM and she asked if it was something we were exploring. I told her that it was on the table but that we had not taken steps as of yet... well at the time that was true.

I don't know if she has figured it out now that Amy is here but I'm sure we will still have her loving support when she does put two and two together! ;)

I have also talked about this with one of my cousins whom has stopped talking to me on a regular basis because she thinks I'm crazy for wanting to share my husband! LOL
I've tried to explain to her that it is soooo much more than that. She also thought it was some kinky sex thing! :lol: I thought I was going to fall out of my chair laughing!

I mention all of this to say....I know this is going to be a long hard road but I know what I feel in my heart My God is telling me! I've tested the scripture and been proved that It's God I'm hearing from. Our family is dealing with emotional struggles because we are all adjusting to something outside what we were raised to believe.
But I keep on believing that my God is the ONE TRUE GOD AND CAN AND WILL BRING US TO AN UNDERSTANDING BEYOND ANYTHING WE EVER IMAGINED!
 
I am fortunate as I have a best friend that understands. Notice how i said a friend. I have found over the years that its ok that I have a small inner circle. I have struggled with finding a family that I could join since leaving the west. I have to admit that growing up with PM has made life easy until you move out of state. When it comes to family and how I have helped others I find its best and easier to tell the truth rather than try to cover it up. You will feel better in the end. I am happy to have found this site.
 
I am so outspoken I doubt I have a friend or neighbor that hasn't hear about what I believe on this subject, either from me or rumor LOL
My Mama told me when I was growing up that since our family was different in many ways (homeschool, no shots, alternative medicine) I might not have a lot of friends, but the ones I would have would be the cream of the crop (her words not mine)

I would rather have one true friend then a dozen of the fair weather variety, and poly is a subject that can really thin them out for you.

I find it interesting how many of those things that were radical when my mom was young, and rare when I was growing up are common now.
I would not be a bit surprised if a few more years proves us poly folk, like the homeschoolers of yesterday, were just ahead of our time. ;)
 
I just posted the majority of my concerns and questions in the forum posting on "Busting outta the closet and telling the family" so I will keep it brief here...my biggest concern with telling family or anyone really is that they will call Child Protective Services and I lose my kids while we are "investigated" by CPS..has anyone else had this fear or dealt with this on some level? My husband and I have recently made the committed decision to pursue this but I still struggle with it due to this particular fear.
 
That is a fear of ours as well, and our biggest struggle has been how to deal with things like birth certificates for SW's children and things along those lines.
 
I found out the other day that to be caught would be a misdemeanor and after that, we would be back to square one. But the problem is that I have no idea what "punishment" the misdemeanor would carry, I am still looking into that... However, it seems that I have found a loop hole..If we are maintaining separate residences then it does not appear that there is a crime being committed, civilly speaking of course. But I wonder if that is enough to protect us. Can anyone offer suggestions on what they have done for living arrangements and/or methods of protection from the law/CPS? Thanks guys. You are all such a blessing to me. Words cannot express my gratitude for finding you.
 
Hi Nikismom! Was reading all of the posts on here and it's been helpful for me! I was wondering about coming out to family and friends. Glad things went better with your pastor than you expected! I praise God that we have a faith family that is open to all of God's families! We have already made our intentions of living PM to our pastor and he has our back 100%! My best friend is as well! Not sure how my inlaws will take it! I am estranged from my mother's side of the family, so, don't have to worry about them! But, I have a VERY nosy mother in law and i'm not sure we can get this past her! She loves her grandbabies, so, I feel that, once we have more children, she will want to be at the house all the time! God has not lead us to the person he has for our family yet, however, wanting to get as much info as I can before that time! I believe that He lead me to this site to help prepare for that time and to find people to celebrate with once it does happen! I pray God's blessings on all of you!
 
Well, as someone who DIDN'T tell the family right away, I can say that not telling was a huge mistake.

Of course, each situation and relationship are different and each family has different dynamics, but I really believe that telling your beliefs BEFORE you take another wife is far more prudent, for many reasons.
 
Wow well, I can only say that coming out to family and friends was a big and hard decision. Most of my family has been supportive. However, my mother has been bitter,angry, and even hostile towards me and my family. As the SW in the family I have a lot to consider. The lifestyle choice is a big leap in and of itself and then to decide whom you are going to tell and whom you are not is also a major decision and should not be entered into lightly. Telling my family was very hard and very emotional but overall it is something that I feel came about in the manner that it was supposed too. My blood family living further away has eased some stresses but also made it harder in others for the simple fact that telling someone over the phone is one thing. They do not have to see it lived out in front of them and also the fact that they can choose whether or not they even acknowledge it in conversations. It is harder in the since that they are not able to see that I am loved,cherished and well taken care of.
 
In times when I have to tell my family something I know some of them won't accept, I become grateful for that fact that my family is so disfunctional we can't accept having a family relationship with each other. LOL

I am not concerned about my family. Some will disapprove and some don't have a problem with any 'lifestyle choice' so they won't care.

My dh's though is mixed. Most of his family will think it is a stupid decision but wouldn't condem the decision. His mom will hate it and because mama ain't happy his dad won't voice approval either. His dad knows we support PM, but we're keeping the mom out of the loop.
We fully expect that if we do take on another wife she would 'disown' us, until she missed "her grandkids" (lol) and then she would tolerate it. - Unless of course the other wife is of the correct racial background then she will probably be elated. (Inter-racial marriages are interresting at times. :roll: )
 
Sw's mom and sister seem to actually be ok with things, and are aware of the situation. I've met her mom a few times, and she seems nice.

I still haven't told my family. I probably won't until I have to. At least, that's where I feel like I'm at for now.

Hubby's mom is aware of things, and knows sw had a baby (our kids are big blabbermouths ;) ) but she's not really talking about anything. She knows I'm expecting too now, so we'll see how she handles things.
 
Well apparently I won't have to worry about it for awhile now! LOL

anyway We have some amazing friends who are very supportive of the idea of PM and we have decided we will WAIT on God to send the right woman to hubby. I don't think he love her as much as he thought. He was struggling more each day. They never committed fully and he said he could not bring himself to leave me alone in our room with the baby and go across the hall to be with her.

I Just want God to lead the right woman into his life that he can fall in love with and be a true blessing to our family! I know He has her out there waiting for us somewhere!
 
wheni told my dad about my interests in being a sw he totally flipped out on me. said he would never talk to me againno matter if things worked out with the one couple i was with. i have not talked to him in i couldt tell how long. imiss my dady but i also know i am rite. i just needto heal right now.
 
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