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Depends on the husband. I’ve seen some not say anything until it’s becoming something more. Others like to involve their wives in the whole process from looking to talking. It’s up to the husband to determine what is best for their family.
As a second wife, the process went more like he mentioned talking to a potential (me) to her but we didn't have conversations until it progressed along and then we all three had conversations as well.
When I entered the family it was because God told my now husband to ask me. He asked and I looked to God who told me to say yes. My husband was everything I was asking for in a man. My sister wife and husband had been talking about him having another wife for years and we had all hung out together for almost 2 months prior. There was no official courting.
In my case I met my SW Christie before I met Steve. We met on Yahoo groups and chatted a few times and then met for coffee. For me it was a HUGE difference from the other families I'd chatted with where she was the one to contact me and not the man. It really took away my worry that I'd get along with her.