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Dating Sites

cnystrom

cnystrom

Seasoned Member
Real Person
Male
Is there a thread or any information on this site about polygamy dating sites? I often subscribe for fun, but I never pay.

I think there are no harm in some, but some of them are complete scams, and perhaps there ought to be a warning?

For example, Sisterwives.com. I keep getting e-mails from very attractive women between 20-25 who just can't wait to talk to me. And of course there is no way to respond except to upgrade the level of service. Normally I do not have such a strong appeal to members of this demographic. The only person that I can think of that would benefit from running a scam like this would be the site owner themselves. Are they all scams? Are there any legit ones?

Is this an area where BF can do some policing to protect the newbies?
 
I think that the sisterwives.com site may allow single women to message for free. This usually gets the men they message off the sidelines and financially invested. Obviously this benefits the site and makes the free accounts pay off.

Most of the women are so swamped with requests that you may or may not have any response to your messages and the ones that message you will usually not respond or it will be superficial or not a quality candidate
 
Yeah my wife and I have been paid members to similar sites years ago. We did so to just start a dialog with people with similar beliefs. Big waste of time. The ones we talked to were typically interested in one thing. To talk about their biblical foundation for believing PM, it just wasn't there. My wife and I believe that we will always keep our "eyes" (heart, mind, soul) open and for God to open the door, then we'll walk in. We apply Amos 3:3 KJV if the door has been opened. "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" We have found, this is critical if there is to be a sister wife for us. That is not saying we must see the Word exactly the same, but looking in the same direction, to God through Jesus Christ.
 
We've looked at that, but it's off-mission and a diversion of resources at this point. For our purposes, any networking and matchmaking we do is personal and based on meatspace interactions (in other words, people that have been to retreats or other gatherings in member homes). If it's not a family we can personally vouch for and a single woman we can personally vouch for, we don't want to be involved.

Doesn't mean it was a bad suggestion. Just letting you know where we are presently.
 
Curtis Gerhart said:
The ones we talked to were typically interested in one thing.To talk about their biblical foundation for believing PM, it just wasn't there.
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That has been my experience aswell for the most part. There have been a few occasions where they already had a biblical foundation for believing, meaning they knew scripture, but had a "confusion" about the meaning of polygyny. For me I'm done with websites. I'm done with searching. There's no point in searching because if it's God's will he'll put her in our lives somehow. If it's not his will, then why should I try to make something he doesn't have in-store for my family happen.
 
This comes up all the time, and while everybody has to figure out their own path, and BF generally has nothing against dating sites, the stock answer you would get from me, Nathan, or Ron if you asked directly "how can I find another wife?" would be this:

Focus on your mission and purpose in the Kingdom. Do the work God has given you to do. Be the kind of guy that is doing so much for the Kingdom that he needs more helpers, and trust God to provide the number of helpers you need.

"Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it."
 
Poly dating sites are laughable to a large degree. There are so many couples, and the ratio is so out of balance, I doubt many single women could keep up with the messages they likely receive.

I have noticed that I get messages from time to time, that of course cannot be replied to without upgrading to a paying account. With the last few I just took a quick peek at the list of people who had recently viewed my/our profile, and since none of the "single women" messaging had even looked, I wrote them off as spam/form letters.
Out of the few who sounded really neat or interesting that I have messaged over the years, very few ever responded. So that free account is pretty much for laughs or fun.

In my opinion, real interactions, about real issues on a forum like this one are far more likely to result in friendships or relationships.
 
Joleneakamama said:
In my opinion, real interactions, about real issues on a forum like this one are far more likely to result in friendships or relationships.
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Amen! And I'll put in one more plug here for meatspace interactions at retreats....
 
andrew said:
Amen! And I'll put in one more plug here for meatspace interactions at retreats....
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The retreats sound lovely, but our lifestyle doesn't lend itself to travel. With a big family, a fair bit of livestock, (including sheep to milk) and lots of growing things in the orchard, nursery, and garden, finding someone even capable of holding the home fort is a challenge.
I wanted a place to put down roots, and I am in no way complaining. Honestly, it's a rare day when anything sounds better then staying home. :-)
 
Samuel and I looked at a dating site just for fun once, didn't sign up or anything. First of all, ducks - duck faces everywhere. Secondly, there were way too many incredibly beautiful single women who were interested in PM. What are the odds? How many of them were fake, and what was their purpose if they were?
I know that some people have found their spouse on a dating site, but I think in general they're mostly fake or not at all doing it for godly reasons.
And then there's those little ads that pop up on certain websites that tell me that there's a beautiful woman desperately wanting to meet with me only 2km away. First of all, I'm a woman. Secondly, I live in the middle of nowhere, there's no one that close unless they're sitting in a car at the bottom of my driveway. Thirdly, how does it supposedly know my location anyway? It's all fake I tell you.
You gotta get out and meet real people and have faith that YHWH is going to send you the right person at the right time in the real world.
 
andrew said:
matchmaking we do is personal and based on meatspace interactions
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I saw this worldly term come up several times in this thread and it made me chuckle thinking that it must just be a spelling error :)
In the spirit of Biblical Families and Spiritually Minded fellowship it might be better to say "meetspace" rather than "meatspace" LOL


I think the fact that most of these dating sites become "meatspace" is why they don't work and are so discouraging.
Many people who are looking for a helpmeet just end up finding a helpmeat....
But being faithful and persistent to find those few jewels that need you as much as you need them is a Godly ministry.

No disrespect to anyone, as we've made plenty of misspellings at our house and we just simply laugh it off, but maybe
our sensitivity has more to do with us being vegetarians than anything else ROLF

You made my morning... time to go get coffee! :D

PS: Cnystrom, we've found that the success or failure on interacting with people through dating sites has more to do with who you are than where you are...
Just listen to the Lord and don't give up! Three things in life always end up in failure; don't give up, don't cut corners, & don't go it alone!
It kind of matches Matthew 7:7... in order to find, you need to seek... in order to receive, you have to ask... for the door to open, you have to knock :cool:
 
notforevil is not the only one on this board over the years that has apparently missed the appearance of this word in the English language (it entered the OED in 2000 after being kicked around online for a few years), although I think she's the only one who has suggested there's something inappropriate about it. I want to take a minute and unpack this for three reasons: discussion forums, retreats, and dating sites.

The word "meatspace" is not a "worldly term", it's just a term. It's a back-formation from the word "cyberspace", and it reminds all of us that spend a lot of time on the computer that there's a whole world of living human beings out there IRL ("in real life"). To the extent it has any spiritual overtones, it's a down-to-earth reminder that we are called to be the incarnation ("in carne", that is, "in meat") of the Spirit of the Living God. That only happens in meatspace.

None of that Matthew 25 stuff that identifies us as the sheep of Christ's flock happens in cyberspace.

This forum is best experienced as a platform from which to find other folks with whom you can create meatspace relationships. It also functions as a way for people to keep in touch with people they've met IRL, or to compare notes with others they may never 'meat' with ;) re how to live counter-culturally in meatspace. Lastly, it also functions as a lifeline for people who are thinking they might be the crazy ones, even if the only takeaway is "you are not alone", but there's no real path forward (yet) into meatspace relationships.

To the extent forum interaction displaces meatspace relationships, that's a problem.

That's why retreats are such a big deal—that's where this all gets real. Retreats, spontaneous visits, intentional visits, all make this a real, embodied, incarnate community of like-minded believers. Heck, even phone calls and Skype calls get closer to 'real' than typing....

Finally, in the context of this discussion of dating sites, nothing could be more pertinent than an occasional reminder that we all need to focus on what's real and embodied. And that's before you get to the common report of obvious sock accounts that are used to lure the gullible into ponying up for paid subscriptions....

Be the kingdom worker who needs more help, and God will give you the lesser of (a) as many helpers as you need, and (b) as many as you can handle.
 
andrew said:
The word "meatspace" is not a "worldly term"
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Can we find us reduced to meat in the bible, or just in this world?:confused:

Aren't we supposed to seek better than what is offered here?
I'm encouraged knowing:

He wants to meet me,
and that His desire to meet all of us,
is our only hope to elevate us above our compromised existence...

His Helpmeet:), or his helpmeat:eek:?

Sometimes life and death is just one letter apart!

(Sorry to offend anyone... I gave the benefit of the doubt, as to a funny mistake...
"I make them myself", and at the same time, "I pray for those who never do"!)
 
notforevil said:
Can we find us reduced to meat in the bible, or just in this world?:confused:

Aren't we supposed to seek better than what is offered here?
I'm encouraged knowing:

He wants to meet me,
and that His desire to meet all of us,
is our only hope to elevate us above our compromised existence...

His Helpmeet:), or his helpmeat:eek:?

Sometimes life and death is just one letter apart!

(Sorry to offend anyone... I gave the benefit of the doubt, as to a funny mistake...
"I make them myself", and at the same time, "I pray for those who never do"!)
Click to expand...
You're missing the point by focusing on a word, rather than the concept or principle.
 
Well said @andrew!

For those who wonder, the "sock accounts" (a.k.a. "sock puppets") that Andrew mentioned are multiple accounts controlled by the same user to dominate comment forums and/or spread false information. The false information can include the appearance that a site has many active users when in fact it does not.
 
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