Does anybody else's emotions rape them?

[Sunflower]

As I was writing my super overdue blog post, the topic was on our relationships with each other (sister-wives). Well as I was writing, I got into how sometimes it can be hard to have relationships when I have emotions take over. My emotions can come out of nowhere sometimes it feels like and just take over completely when I didn't ask, hence my rape analogy because I feel like I am being emotionally raped! lol

Before becoming a third wife, I thought I had no real issues. I knew of course I had some insecurities, but I thought living this life wouldn't really affect me in that way. Well I found out that wasn't really the case, but the reason why I thought that was because I just was not faced with it regularly. Being a sister-wife to two amazing ladies has really brought out some of my insecurities and issues I didn't even know I had. Now, my blog post goes into more detail about all of this, but it just got me thinking if others get emotionally raped as well?

Did anybody else prior to polygyny think they were pretty good, but once faced with it whether living it or just even the possibility of it bring out things you didn't realize you had? If so, how have you worked on it and have you grown from it?

I really love connecting with others and learning other's journey as well.

 

[julieb]

Some awesome thoughts @Sunflower! I believe every person in a plural marriage has emotional hits come out of seemingly no where. If they aren't then I suspect they are disconnected from their family, which isn't really living in a plural family. I don't like being "raped" with emotional hits either but I have come to understand that those moments are usually God designed and that He is asking me to deal with a broken place (fear/anger producing) or a lie (usually grounded in a fear) that I need to let Him heal me of. Is it fun? No! But necessary to keep moving onward and upward in spiritual and emotional maturity. I believe He is smiling very big at you right now!

 

[julieb]

So, what do you tend to do when the emotional hits come @Sunflower ? What have you found that helps pull your emotions back into a proper place? Inquiring minds want to know. ( I guess I should go and read your blog. LOL)

I would guess we all have different ways to hear the Lord and different techniques in "renewing our minds in Christ Jesus". I have several books that made a huge impact on me, along with several seminars of teachers whom I respect about healing our brains and our hearts. Scriptures that tell me truths and promises have always been a big help to me. And of course, time spent listening to what God has to say to me in picture or words has continued to push me down the path of plural marriage.

 

[ginger2]

pms does this

 

[Sunflower]

Thank you @julieb! I do try very hard to work through my emotional hits. At first I wasn’t very good at it and I still fail lol, but I’ve never been a part of a family before so this is all new. I always lived alone and never really had to confront the ugly parts of me and now it’s like on display for the people I love the most get to see… so yes not fun, but I know deep down it is good for my growth. I know God is helping.

I remember reading once that we can pray for example patience and then can get frustrated when things happen, but shouldn’t we be grateful that God is providing an opportunity to be patient. Just like riding a new task learning, you fail, recognize it and try again and again until eventually you can do it. Until you acquire that patience or whatever we ask for.

I try when my emotions take over to just pray. I notice it helps if I pray. Not to react because it is a Me issue and shouldn’t be taken out to anyone else. Sometimes that means excusing myself for awhile that seems to help the best.

What books have helped you? I’m always looking for new books.

 

[ginger2]

do you know your own "love language", as they call it? a warm hug or a chat over a cup of tea might help sooth the nerves sometimes

 

[julieb]

I remember reading once that we can pray for example patience and then can get frustrated when things happen, but shouldn’t we be grateful that God is providing an opportunity to be patient. Just like riding a new task learning, you fail, recognize it and try again and again until eventually you can do it. Until you acquire that patience or whatever we ask for.

Love this! I would also love to sit in your home and have tea with you three ladies. (Don't like coffee.) As for the books, I will have to take a few minutes and pray about which ones to recommend to you. I will let you know soon.

 

[Sonshine]

You know I deal with this too! But, even though it’s still happening—almost five years in—it has gotten easier. It’s so funny how poly can really bring out the worst in us, isn’t it?

 

[Sunflower]

pms does this

Lol yes, I have noticed when it is my time I can be a bit more sensitive about things and I know for sure that it’s all in my head and not real.

As far as my love language, I do know, but I believe it has changed through out the years and especially now that I am married. A lot of things changed for me once I was married that I wasn’t expecting at all.

Love this! I would also love to sit in your home and have tea with you three ladies. (Don't like coffee.) As for the books, I will have to take a few minutes and pray about which ones to recommend to you. I will let you know soon.

Awww! We would love if you would come sit and have tea with us. We love tea ourselves! And thank you, I would really love that!

You know I deal with this too! But, even though it’s still happening—almost five years in—it has gotten easier. It’s so funny how poly can really bring out the worst in us, isn’t it?

Yes, funny… that’s the word because we laugh through our frustrations right? Lol I’m glad to know it gets easier with time, hope is still there and I am very thankful I always have you to help talk through things.

 

[MeganC]

Just me but I have anxiety attacks and it is an assault on me by my darker emotions. I have noticed that I almost never get an anxiety attack when I'm pregnant and I consider this a blessed side effect of having a baby!

I had a very bad attack last year around this time and it was like getting waves of paranoia. It lasted a few weeks and it was hell!

This year I'm pregnant and so far so good!

But the last time I had a small anxiety attack I took time off from the computer and I went on hikes and did things to keep my mind off it. That helped but that's just me.

 

[Joleneakamama]

My emotions can come out of nowhere sometimes it feels like and just take over completely when I didn't ask, hence my rape analogy because I feel like I am being emotionally raped! lol

It's a good analogy! After being an only wife for over 25 years I have been adjusting to the much wished for reality of having a sisterwife. I have certainly seen the wisdom in taking every thought captive because some thoughts have very strong emotions connected to them and letting them run amuck can sure make one miserable.

I always lived alone and never really had to confront the ugly parts of me and now it’s like on display for the people I love the most get to see

I never lived alone. Even after many years of marriage I had perhaps not dealt with certain aspects of my own emotions. It can be quite uncomfortable to have to face them.....even in front of others. I always imagined another woman in the family might cause one like me to be more interspective. In monogamy you can more easily get entrenched in your own point of view, or be unrealistic in your expectations of your husband. I feel more motivated to work on my own issues just in fairness to him and his other missus.

Not to react because it is a Me issue and shouldn’t be taken out to anyone else.

My dad always said joy was an inside job, but one of my biggest struggles is to share my emotions at all. Sometimes there isn't any substantive reason for a feeling or emotional "hit" but it can still help develop a greater degree of intimacy to share what your dealing with.
There isn't much worse then being surrounded by people.....and feeling alone.

do you know your own "love language", as they call it?

I overheard part of the book about love languages last week. My dear daughter was listening and it was certainly intriguing. I particularly found it interesting that one of the ways you can figure out what yours is involved thinking of those things your partner did that were the most hurtful.
It was a backward reasoning idea to help sort the details of the emotional connections and impacts.

Yes, pms is a thing too, often made worse by inadequate water intake. Self care is hard when you're a wife and mom. I saw this on fb and it is rather profound.

So much has changed in the last four months. I find it easier all the time to choose to communicate. Yes, some parts of life are still tough. But it was like that all along! I have made a point of telling that sweet sisterwife of mine that my issues were here before, and they are not because she is here.

Life is good! ....and even sweeter shared.