This is our theory, and we haven't put it into complete practice yet. Much depends on whether you all live together or not, and how far apart you live if you aren't all in the same house.
When we all lived in the same city, hubby alternated between homes. He had clothing and toiletries at both homes, but his computer was at my apt mostly because we worked together on ministry stuff and there was not room for him to set up at the other house. So often, while I was at work, he was at my apt working on his computer. We tried to have dinner together as often as it was practical. I always suggested that our date night be on the same night as our sleeping with him, just so as not to wreck any "romance" that might happen on a date. I felt it would be awkward to come home from a date and watch him to the other wife's bedroom. If you don't want a schedule to become boring or routine then don't let it be. We are currently doing a book study called "fighting for your marriage" which is helping us to improve our communication. We also work together on the ministry and try to keep things fresh by mixing things up a bit. Since he is currently at home working on the church most of the time, we try to get away from the computers for at least a little while each night. Also, because of our budget, we felt that it was wiser to drop our cable, so we have no TV. Guess what! We don't miss it at all.
Dates should be somewhat equal. Meaning that if he takes her out, he should take you out. Of course the dates should be planned with the person that is going out in mind (meaning if it is your date night it should be planned for you). Since we will alternate nights, I always thought that we should have Friday be date night. Every other Friday would be my date night. I don't want Saturdays because as a Pastor, Saturdays are his prep day. Not a good date night at all. And once, when we were talking about all this, T said, "What do we do about Valentine's Day?" I said that if hubby is doing his job of "romancing" us throughout the year, then Valentine's Day won't matter. That night we can order take out and all of us can snuggle on the couch and watch movies together. We figure that when it is an anniversary or birthday the schedule should be rearranged to accommodate that woman. Otherwise, it is just alternating, with changes made for little issues that happen, like out of town guests, traveling or illness.
As for chores, T requested that when we are all together that she be the "stay at home wife" and I work. That is fine with me. She likes to take care of people, I like work. Of course I will take care of my own areas, but she is perfectly willing to take care of the main house and she says she will even do the laundry. For my part, I determined that she and I would always have equal spending money no matter how much money I make. Her job is as important or more important than mine.
With irregular schedules you might want to take a fresh look at the schedule each week (or as the schedule becomes available) and map it out. I saw them do this on "Big Love" where the women sat down, looked at their schedules, made their wishes known and came to a conclusion. As for child care, I think that you guys will have to figure out your comfort levels. I know you have a lot of children. Does she? Are you both equally comfortable caring for each other's children? Certainly when it comes to date nights, it is important that everyone be working together.
Does that help?
SweetLissa
