My story of passion for Biblical missions and Biblical marriage:
[1998-2000] I was first challenged to reconsider the culturally default monogamy assumptions while training for life-long missionary work, particularly in Muslim nations. The issue comes up, "When working in a polygamist culture, when a man with multiple wives comes to faith in Christ, what do you advise (or for church membership require) him to do?" Some Western Christian folks say all marriages after the first were sin and he needs to divorce the extra wives. Some say he should continue to provide for all the women and children but can only henceforth have intercourse with one (real) wife. Some folks would grant the first generation of polygynists some slack (so to speak), but would teach that such things should not continue going forward as the new Christian sub-culture is "transformed" from their former ways.
My own conclusion was that Scripture seems to have no quarrel with multiple wives, per se, except possibly for church elders, and that the knee-jerk, intense, emotional reactions against it appear to be entirely cultural rather than Biblical. I was comfortably settled that if working with PM converts, the answer to the supposed "problem" would simply be that it wasn't one. Nevertheless (as a single, 20-something, young man) I personally remained, for various reasons, only interested in pursuing and practicing monogamy in my own life.
[2005] Married a zealous young woman who shared my life plans for working to bring the gospel to the most unreached nations. (Related aside: since I don't see "dating" in Scripture, our union came about through a process much closer to the "arranged" model. But that's another story—a beautiful one—for another time.) We discussed the "polygamist culture conversion issue" and I told her my stance. She appreciated the intellectual/devotional commitment to Scripture over tradition, although polygyny still felt quite foreign to both of us. She would joke, "Well, I'm glad that you aspire to the office of overseer so that you won't be taking any more wives!"
['06-'08] Ten months after marriage our first child was born in China where we served. About 1.5 years later we had a second son.
['09-'10] I began confronting a spiritually troublesome matter in my wife's life which had deep roots in her childhood and family of origin. Looking back, I severely lacked sufficient emotional and spiritual maturity myself to shepherd her through this area. Long story short, tension built from bad to worse, she left me, taking the kids, returned to her hometown in the southern US, and filed for divorce. I resisted the divorce but American easy-out law prevailed. I moved near her town to be able to have my weekly custody time with the kids.
['11-Mid 2020] Trying to be the best dad I can with as much time with the boys as the family-law courts "allow" me to have. Apart from adultery (of which there has been none in our case) I have strong marriage permanency views from 1 Cor 7, etc. I tend to the belief that God still sees our covenant as valid and binding, albeit with an absentee wife. (I'm not seeking to debate such points at present, just telling my own story as it is.) The (former) wife has remained single; that may at least in part be due to her own permanency convictions which we, at least at one time, shared.
During these ten years I always had it in the back of my mind, as per my own Biblical convictions, that I would be free to take a second wife in addition to (not in replacement of) my union with the existing absentee/ex wife. Nevertheless, for various reasons, I wasn't eager to pursue that option. Without excusing her unbiblical choice for divorce, God has used this period to humble me greatly and to grow me in many precious ways.
[Mid 2020-Present] I am now eager to pursue the second wife option, seeing if the Lord would be pleased to suitably provide. The long, dark night of the last decade (with its singleness, celibacy, and custody struggles), was a valuable and necessary schoolhouse for my soul. (Again, bringing this back to the missions focus, in the past I've ministered to parents in Asia who are threatened with having their children taken away because of their faith in Christ. I can now empathize with their pain much more personally.) But now I believe the Lord is opening up a new season/chapter in life. So I'm now seeking a second wife to come along as helper in pursuing the Mt 6:33 calling God has put on my life to advance the cause of the gospel unto the remotest parts of the earth, understanding that my conviction is that the first wife still retains both the right and the moral obligation to return/reconcile to our original marriage.
I would reckon it a miracle to find a submission-loving, PM-approving, godly woman who is ready to be swept into her husband's calling to do what is necessary (domestically or abroad) to open the gates for the gospel to reach the lost and closed nations. It would also take a miraculous touch from the Lord for my first wife to return to her wedding vows. Whether the Lord will bring one or both of these miracles to pass, I leave in His sovereign hands and secret will. As far as my part in pursuing His revealed will as I know best, I would prefer to see both come to fruition. And in any case I wish to be prepared, both for my own family's sake and for others whom I might have opportunity to counsel. And that's why I'm here.
[1998-2000] I was first challenged to reconsider the culturally default monogamy assumptions while training for life-long missionary work, particularly in Muslim nations. The issue comes up, "When working in a polygamist culture, when a man with multiple wives comes to faith in Christ, what do you advise (or for church membership require) him to do?" Some Western Christian folks say all marriages after the first were sin and he needs to divorce the extra wives. Some say he should continue to provide for all the women and children but can only henceforth have intercourse with one (real) wife. Some folks would grant the first generation of polygynists some slack (so to speak), but would teach that such things should not continue going forward as the new Christian sub-culture is "transformed" from their former ways.
My own conclusion was that Scripture seems to have no quarrel with multiple wives, per se, except possibly for church elders, and that the knee-jerk, intense, emotional reactions against it appear to be entirely cultural rather than Biblical. I was comfortably settled that if working with PM converts, the answer to the supposed "problem" would simply be that it wasn't one. Nevertheless (as a single, 20-something, young man) I personally remained, for various reasons, only interested in pursuing and practicing monogamy in my own life.
[2005] Married a zealous young woman who shared my life plans for working to bring the gospel to the most unreached nations. (Related aside: since I don't see "dating" in Scripture, our union came about through a process much closer to the "arranged" model. But that's another story—a beautiful one—for another time.) We discussed the "polygamist culture conversion issue" and I told her my stance. She appreciated the intellectual/devotional commitment to Scripture over tradition, although polygyny still felt quite foreign to both of us. She would joke, "Well, I'm glad that you aspire to the office of overseer so that you won't be taking any more wives!"
['06-'08] Ten months after marriage our first child was born in China where we served. About 1.5 years later we had a second son.
['09-'10] I began confronting a spiritually troublesome matter in my wife's life which had deep roots in her childhood and family of origin. Looking back, I severely lacked sufficient emotional and spiritual maturity myself to shepherd her through this area. Long story short, tension built from bad to worse, she left me, taking the kids, returned to her hometown in the southern US, and filed for divorce. I resisted the divorce but American easy-out law prevailed. I moved near her town to be able to have my weekly custody time with the kids.
['11-Mid 2020] Trying to be the best dad I can with as much time with the boys as the family-law courts "allow" me to have. Apart from adultery (of which there has been none in our case) I have strong marriage permanency views from 1 Cor 7, etc. I tend to the belief that God still sees our covenant as valid and binding, albeit with an absentee wife. (I'm not seeking to debate such points at present, just telling my own story as it is.) The (former) wife has remained single; that may at least in part be due to her own permanency convictions which we, at least at one time, shared.
During these ten years I always had it in the back of my mind, as per my own Biblical convictions, that I would be free to take a second wife in addition to (not in replacement of) my union with the existing absentee/ex wife. Nevertheless, for various reasons, I wasn't eager to pursue that option. Without excusing her unbiblical choice for divorce, God has used this period to humble me greatly and to grow me in many precious ways.
[Mid 2020-Present] I am now eager to pursue the second wife option, seeing if the Lord would be pleased to suitably provide. The long, dark night of the last decade (with its singleness, celibacy, and custody struggles), was a valuable and necessary schoolhouse for my soul. (Again, bringing this back to the missions focus, in the past I've ministered to parents in Asia who are threatened with having their children taken away because of their faith in Christ. I can now empathize with their pain much more personally.) But now I believe the Lord is opening up a new season/chapter in life. So I'm now seeking a second wife to come along as helper in pursuing the Mt 6:33 calling God has put on my life to advance the cause of the gospel unto the remotest parts of the earth, understanding that my conviction is that the first wife still retains both the right and the moral obligation to return/reconcile to our original marriage.
I would reckon it a miracle to find a submission-loving, PM-approving, godly woman who is ready to be swept into her husband's calling to do what is necessary (domestically or abroad) to open the gates for the gospel to reach the lost and closed nations. It would also take a miraculous touch from the Lord for my first wife to return to her wedding vows. Whether the Lord will bring one or both of these miracles to pass, I leave in His sovereign hands and secret will. As far as my part in pursuing His revealed will as I know best, I would prefer to see both come to fruition. And in any case I wish to be prepared, both for my own family's sake and for others whom I might have opportunity to counsel. And that's why I'm here.
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