Man_in_the_Middle
New Member
Hello BibFam!
I was asked to tell a little about myself so I will do so here. I posted my first intro in the wrong spot so I am correcting that now.
Firstly though, I want to give a huge shout out to the folks that put this forum together and to those that administer it day by day and have for years on end. I stumbled across this site years ago when my marriage was not in alignment with the biblical design and so I did not stick around here at that time. I am very impressed with the work that has gone into making this community and for that, I congratulate everyone here. From the admins, promoters, curmudgeons, wordsmiths, constant posters, deep thinkers, happy personalities, loyal readers and lurkers. If you are here and I did not congratulate you in this list, your added now!
I have read so many posts from so many of you at this point that I have gotten a sense of the flavor this forum offers and I am eager to be welcomed into it.
As for my story...
I grew up in a UPCI church from when I was an infant until after I was married to my lovely lady. She also grew up in the same denomination.
I was part of a family with six children from one mom and one (maybe 3 dads as we find out later??) dad. Story for later maybe.
One large family though.
The concept of having a boyfriend or girlfriend even at a young age was not frowned upon and in fact, encouraged. They used Christmas and Valentines banquets at the church to encourage it. Today I think that is nuts! I am perhaps the curmudgeon who says that they should just be children while they are children.
When I was 18 years old, I was not looking for a wife, I was just trying to establish myself but I was stunned to hear an older couple in our church say that it was time for me to start looking for a wife. They may have not phrased it exactly that way but that was the message that was sent.
It did cause me to think that I was falling behind if I did not begin to pursue this path. I had a girlfriend in the past whom I was crazy about and had been very tempted to ask her to marry me but I never did due to the drama that always seemed to follow her day after day. It was about that time in my life when she reentered the picture. She had moved out of state with her family but now wanted to call and see if I wanted to restart our relationship. I began talking to her and in these conversations we were having, I began to understand how women think. She revealed things about our history together that demonstrated that women often say what is socially correct even if that is not what they really want. A short time later, I again decided that I was not going to go down that drama path and ceased communications with her.
This all put me into the process of actively dating. I was NOT ready even though I was no longer living at home since the age of 14. I thought I was mature. I was not. More mature than my peers? Yes. Mature? No. In fact, I strongly advocate for men to wait until they are near the age of 30 before they take a wife. Men need time to establish themselves in the world, the Word, in their own convictions etc.
I dated a number of my age, young ladies before I began dating my now wife of 28 years. She is awesome in so many ways but had been raised in a feminine-centric family full of divorce etc.
What I loved about her was her happiness, beauty, loyalty, modesty and willingness to follow my lead. Still do!
I knew even then, that I wanted more than just one wife. I always seemed to have wanted that but, having grown up NOT Knowing the biblical truth about marriage, I was dedicated to NOT acting on those "sinful" desires.
We married and our relationship was great because it had a lot going for it and in part because I was dedicated to making it great! In conversations with her in the last 12 months, she revealed that she had sabotaged our relationship for years. She had done things for years that she thought would cause me to want to divorce her and I would be free to find a more compatible partner. I, of course, did not know that at the time and responded to this treatment with many many years of being "understanding" yet resentful. This was about massages and love letters and catering to whims and on and on and on. It resulted in me trying to please her in anyway possible. Around seven years into the marriage I made a conscious decision to stop spending money on everything she wanted and begin to focus on what I as the leader of the home felt was right and proper. Learning to tell her "no", was the beginning of my learning to be the actual leader.
Thank God these issues have been resolved! Learning to lead forced things out into the open where they could be dealt with and ultimately allowed her to open up and share her previous thoughts and intentions.
During those years I recall seeing other women out and about and was very attracted to them. I prayed strongly to God that he make all women ugly to me except my wife.
He didn't answer those prayers.
My wife and I waited to begin having children for five years because I wanted us to be more financially secure first. We then had a son in 2003.
He is awesome. Nearly two years later we tried again.. Nothing... Gave it time and still nothing. Doctors.... Nothing.... More time... Nothing...
Met a doctor at a new church we were attending and he said come see me, I may know what the issue is. He was correct in his prediction, endometriosis was our enemy. Surgery to remove it and still nothing... Too much damage had been done. We were informed that IVF would be our only option. Today I am not so sure... Today I believe that Yah opens and closes the wombs BUT, I did not think that at the time. Needless to say, 11 years after our first son, our second (IVF baby) son was born. He is also awesome.
During the time between our two sons being born, I began to seriously think about polygny again. I began studying the bible for answers and saw that it was never condemned. I had previously been a lazy christian who was going along to get along for the most part. Even with that, I had struggled to find a church that meshed with what I was reading biblically. So, we had stopped attending anywhere...
After the birth of our first son we went to several churches for a time and then would move on. None really believed in a God that is the same yesterday, today and forever. They all believed in dispensationalism, a concept that I think introduces all theses errors in understanding. I never stopped trying to have a relationship with God though.
In 2009, I had a conversation with my father in which he made a joke about these people that think we are still "under" the law. To which I laughed along but internally I chastised myself for not knowing the verses that tell us that we no longer need to obey God's commandments.
At that point in time, I began to look for the place in scripture that tells us that is the case. Without making this a TO teaching, I will simply say that my intense bible studying brought me to TO. At that time, I thought I was the only one that was doing that. I began teaching my family TO.
This has been the biggest blessing to me and my family. Due to TO, we now vacation multiple times a year and take 1 day off every week. Prior to that, I never saw that I had time for the "fun" stuff. Now we make time for it and it really has been a blessing to us.
In discovering TO, I had come to accept that everything that is taught in the law is true for us today. If God does not condemn it, it is not sin.
I spent years talking with my father and other people whom I thought could prove the alternative to be true only to discover that their attempts were based on out of context scriptures and LOTS of emotion.
This is where I am today. I believe that God's ways are written down for us by Moses. The torah/teachings. I believe that God's nature / ways never change. I believe that the one that Moses interacted with (either directly or indirectly) was Jesus/Yeshua. I believe that sin is to not obey the Torah. I believe it is sin to add to the teachings from Moses.
So, why am I here? Because after years of understanding and teaching this, I have my family in order. We now comfortably talk about polygny as a viable and potential option in our life. The fears that were once pronounced have been replaced by normal concerns of finding a peaceful SW that would not introduce chaos into our peace. I am here to be a part of this conversation and learn from others that have led the way and to teach others what I have learned thus far.
I am here in peace.
PS. Is there more to the story? Of course, but at some point I was going to have to introduce chapters and page numbers so I decided to stop here.
