Hello Cecil.
The conversation got started about mid-March between my wife and I. I forget who brought up the question but it was basically "How come people in the Old Testament had many wives and not in the modern world? Where in the Bible does it start to prohibit Polygamy? (Polygyny)". Now, I have a mild case of ADOS (Attention Deficit...ooh, Shiny!), so obviously my mind latched onto this new puzzle. As I began to research the issue, I was astounded to find the answer of "nowhere". My brain was bent for a while and I almost fell out of my chair when my wife agreed with what I had found. Certain that I had screwed up somewere, I researched even harder and was blessed to find this website.
As for the "Tell us more about yourself" part, I'm going to give you the long answer. I think that it may actually save me some typing in the long run.
I am 38 years old with a family consisting of my loving wife of 16 years and two sons ages 12 & 13(almost 14). I currently live in central Missouri although I am a native of the Los Angeles area. I also have another son who is 19 and goes to college in San Diego. He was not raised by me as he was born of a prior relationship (during my high school years) and was adopted out to a wonderful family in Southern California. Through the redeeming grace of our Lord, we have come to know one another and have built a good relationship in the past few years.
Aside from those listed above we also have some unorthodox extended family. My best friend from high school lives with us and has always been known to my family as my brother. We are brothers by choice, rather than blood. My wife has a similar relationship with her "sister" L. They have known each other for about 30 years.
L is a single mother of a 16 year old boy, C, and a 13 year old (born 1 day before my boy) girl, B. We were her birthing coaches for both her children. Both the fathers of her children are men that I grew up with. B's father is a good man that, while his and L's relationship didn't work out so well, tends to remain in contact with his daughter and acts fairly responsibly. C's father is a chronically unemployed manic depressive who tends to be very self-centered and abusive.
My wife and I have been the closest thing to a family presence in L's life for the past two decades. Her Father passed away after only meeting her twice and her mother was a very abusive woman who currently heads up a cult/commune in Mexico. Her mother actually beat her with a shovel at one point and then called it the "Wrath of God". Obviously this created a huge aversion to the things of God. She also was left with only a fifth grade education and a ton of arrested development. While she had to fend for herself, she also spent years on trying to reclaim her stolen childhood ( A.K.A. running from pleasure to pleasure) and ensuring that her kids got a chance to have a childhood (all well intentioned, but a little excessive a lot of the time).
L has since blossomed into a beautiful example of God's transformative love. She studied hard to get her diploma and is currently working on her bachelor's of science in nursing. S and I were so happy when L finally accepted the Lord two years ago. While she has overcome so many obstacles in her life, there are many that she has been ill-equipped to deal with. Having never had a father in the home, she has never seen a good model of love and therefore, has never been in any solid relationships herself. Our hearts ache for her. It has only been in the time since accepting Christ that she has begun observe more closely the love and stability in relationships of others around her. Her focus on pleasure seeking has gradually turned to maturing and healing the hurts that she has caused by her actions.
Over the past 18 years we have all been a very tight knit family. As of this coming July, L and her two children, are being forced to move out of their home and into the basement of mine, which I am currently building extra rooms into, due to her ex-boyfriend selling her current house. L still has two years of college left and very few options for income. While our family is more than willing to help her in this situation, we already operate on a limited income.
I work as a campus officer at a prominent college while S works at the university hospital. Our current salaries only allow for us to live a modest lifestyle on a "paycheck to paycheck" basis. Having had some mild success in a vending business, I am about to launch my next venture which involves custom printed culinary apparel. L, a very talented photographer with several years of experience, plans to pick up some freelance shoots to build a portfolio. This would offer her some income while allowing her to tailor her schedule around school.
Last October, our church family was broken up when our pastor stepped down unexpectedly. The congregation was deemed too small to send a replacement, so our church was disbanded. We have since learned that the root cause of our pastor stepping down was a series of very sly manipulations of a husband and wife who were elders in the church. They even went so far as to try and get the former congregation to attend and fund their new "church plant". In later conversations we've seen many areas where this couple has sown the seeds of discord throughout the church.
Just prior to the breaking of the church, L had dated a son of this couple. The amount of slander that they spread was astonishing. There was a sizable age gap between L and Thier son. They had dated for a total of a week. After they decided to break off the relationship, the mother found out about it. Because S and I chose not to listen to their slander, to use a Berean approach to scripture and therefore not validate their opinion that such an age difference was immoral, my family suffered the same attacks as L's.
Between the fact that many former members of the congregation do not know the truth about these former elders, have heard the half-truths that they had spread about us and few will actually ask for the truth, we find ourselves on the "left foot of fellowship". The former members have spread around to many of the churches in the area. The akwardness that this poses, coupled with my particular work schedule, makes finding a new church home very frustrating. There are also some wounds to our trust in finding a new church home.
Outside of all this, I currently have full custody of L's son C. Last December, the day after his 16th birthday, he ran into some legal trouble. Since he was going to move over in July anyway, we decided to have him move over sooner. Since his legal troubles began he has been a "ward of the state". With him residing at my home, his juvenile officer filed paperwork that placed him permanantly in my custody. While I don't mind the responsibility, it came as quite a surprize. C has shown a HUGE improvement in his attitudes and responsiveness. I can only attribute this to him living in a "whole" family environment.
It's the blending of these two families that drew me to BF. I figured that God showed me the truth about PM and led me to find Biblical Families at a time that I would need to seek guidance on how to successfully blend them. I can't think of a better group of people to ask questions of this nature.
That about sums it up. I hope I haven't been too long winded. Blessings to you and thanks for being here.
-Will
