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Hello Ladies!

Court❤️

Court❤️

Member
Real Person
Female
Some of you may know me and some may not, I have kept myself quite isolated for the past year. I finally picked up the computer tonight and decided to get on here and read! Something I so desperately needed to do!!!! There is so much wisdom shared, even if I don't THINK I need to hear anything or think "I'm doing just fine," this group gives so much to my soul!

I thought I would share a little bit of what the topic of conversation has been recently between my husband and I. Feedback welcomed please!

Communication between Husband and Wife....

I am well aware that the male and female brain/thinking processes are completely different. Just this week, I was on a cruise with my sister and we went to watch a comedian. The topic was marriage. In his funny way he brought up how men have a mission, complete the mission and move on to the next mission. Women however multi-task many thoughts into one and move along with all of them in tow. I told my husband this and he added something that he had read that also agreed with the concept. Neither way of thinking is wrong, they are both just DIFFERENT. So how do you communicate successfully? Recently we have been getting into slight arguments while working and I can see that this is playing a role specifically in our communication. I may ask him for his assistance with one thing, and before he completes that one thing, I add another. It may seem to him that I am being bossy (which I have a history of doing), however I am just trying to get things done.


ANYWAY, I am relatively new to being a submissive wife and I want to do so! I want to encourage my husband to be a great leader to our family and am having an interesting time learning how to be the helpmeet that he needs. I have gotten much better over the past 3 years of understanding that he doesn't always need my opinion and if he sees fit, he will ask me. Overall, wheres the handbook of how to be a good wife ?;)

Love to all!
Courtney
 
For starters, welcome to the forum! :-)

As far as your question goes, and for whatever my opinion is worth, it sounds to me like you already have the most critical element that is needed to be a submissive wife, namely the desire to be one.
Court❤️ said:
I have gotten much better over the past 3 years of understanding that he doesn't always need my opinion and if he sees fit, he will ask me.
Click to expand...
I remember learning that sometimes even a suggestion (Why don't you....) is like saying you're doing that wrong, or criticizing the hubby's method or plan.

The ladies here are wonderful, and provide lots of inspiration and support.

I'm looking forward to reading more of your thoughts and ideas.
 
Plural mindset takes “submissive wife” to a whole new level.. yes, I would like a step by step handbook.. maybe with some pictures too? <3
 
Hi hello. And man do I wish there was a handbook to being the submissive wife. Lol but I would be too headstrong to follow it anyways. But for me the bible sets really good standards for being a submissive wife. Not only to ur husband but also to the lord. So a good reference is the bible for me. :D
 
Hey Girl! (oh how I LOVE your profile picture...)

I miss running with you. (I know that has nothing to do with your post, I just had to tell you because it's true...)

ANYway...if we were out walking on the gravel road in front of my house and you asked me about this issue, I would tell you two things:
1) "submission" comes from a word that means to "put under". So by submitting, we place ourselves under our husbands - their values, their rules, their standards. I think it takes a strong woman to submit because it is an act of self-sacrifice. We let go of our idea of how we think things should be to place it under his. The real skill is to do it gracefully (I'm still working on the gracefully part)...
2) For me, it has to do with trust. Many years ago, I rode with Andrew on a dirt bike. I had never been on a dirt bike before and I was honestly scared for my life. It was fun but one wrong move, and we could both end up a mangled mess. I knew then that in order to enjoy that time, I had to trust him with all of me. My life was literally in his hands. I had to trust in his wisdom and experience and I had to be willing to crash with him if that happened. I know that seems a little dramatic (it's me...it's how I roll...) but that's how I see submission. It's a daily decision to let go of my fear that he will make a "wrong" decision or lead me into a "stressful" situation. Very much like a horse and rider :). Not easy for strong-willed women...

Hope that helps in some small way.

Love you girl!
 
Joleneakamama said:
For starters, welcome to the forum! :)

As far as your question goes, and for whatever my opinion is worth, it sounds to me like you already have the most critical element that is needed to be a submissive wife, namely the desire to be one.

I remember learning that sometimes even a suggestion (Why don't you....) is like saying you're doing that wrong, or criticizing the hubby's method or plan.

The ladies here are wonderful, and provide lots of inspiration and support.

I'm looking forward to reading more of your thoughts and ideas.
Click to expand...

Oh how I remember the first time I figured out that me giving advice wasn't always what I thought it meant. I remember reading a blog one day, the writer mentioned that the word "just" had the same implications of "why don't you." I was so confused by that, but after thinking about every variation of the way I would add the word "just" into my conversations, I realized that it was sooo true!

And yes I agree, the most critical is the pure desire!
 
Mikki G. said:
Hi hello. And man do I wish there was a handbook to being the submissive wife. Lol but I would be too headstrong to follow it anyways. But for me the bible sets really good standards for being a submissive wife. Not only to ur husband but also to the lord. So a good reference is the bible for me. :D
Click to expand...

I totally agree with this!!!
 
Ginny said:
Hey Girl! (oh how I LOVE your profile picture...)

I miss running with you. (I know that has nothing to do with your post, I just had to tell you because it's true...)

ANYway...if we were out walking on the gravel road in front of my house and you asked me about this issue, I would tell you two things:
1) "submission" comes from a word that means to "put under". So by submitting, we place ourselves under our husbands - their values, their rules, their standards. I think it takes a strong woman to submit because it is an act of self-sacrifice. We let go of our idea of how we think things should be to place it under his. The real skill is to do it gracefully (I'm still working on the gracefully part)...
2) For me, it has to do with trust. Many years ago, I rode with Andrew on a dirt bike. I had never been on a dirt bike before and I was honestly scared for my life. It was fun but one wrong move, and we could both end up a mangled mess. I knew then that in order to enjoy that time, I had to trust him with all of me. My life was literally in his hands. I had to trust in his wisdom and experience and I had to be willing to crash with him if that happened. I know that seems a little dramatic (it's me...it's how I roll...) but that's how I see submission. It's a daily decision to let go of my fear that he will make a "wrong" decision or lead me into a "stressful" situation. Very much like a horse and rider :). Not easy for strong-willed women...

Hope that helps in some small way.

Love you girl!
Click to expand...

I miss our running, SO MUCH! I often think, "I wonder what Ginny would think about this and how would she handle it." I am finding that I can submit easier for the BIG things, and a little harder for the small items. We often use the analogy of a sports team and how things would work in that setting. When we are at the races, it is slightly difficult because I am put "in charge" of the horses and getting them raced, however he is the team leader. Most of our arguments stem from responsibilities related to stressful situations. I end up telling him what to do and usually that doesn't end well. We are working on our communication and team work, but it is a big process!

Our talks about the brain have really helped me recently also. Being aware of how I am thinking or acting helps me to keep things in check a little better. There's so much going on all at once, I am amazed at God's hand in our functioning. Big lesson for me, (I am still working on this :rolleyes:) patience and sacrifice! It's not all about me, there's a bigger picture and I am just one small part of it.

You always do know exactly what to say! :) Love you back!
 
What a nice surprise to see you on the forum! So happy you made the effort. Great question, I agree with every comment. (Ginny, I am stealing that dirt bike analogy!)


Really hoping SOMEBODY will find that manual eventually! :)
 
Hi Court!
I am constantly trying to find the balance between communicating my needs, and nagging. Not an easy task. I think as we are together longer we get better at communicating with each other, knowing each others needs and how they will react. What is 'submissive' to one man, might be different to another. I think that's why there can't really be a manual as we're all individuals.
Does that make sense?
 
FollowingHim2 said:
. I think that's why there can't really be a manual as we're all individuals.
Does that make sense?
Click to expand...
I know this wasn't addressed to me, but it is such an obvious truth. Each couple, and family is a unique make up of unique people. Communication is key, and happens when the message received, is the message that was intended by the sender. Overcoming the barriers of language (even with a common tongue, there can be issues) and of course differences in communication styles, takes having the love of God as the filter everything goes through. Easy to say, harder to remember, and without forgiveness and understanding, impossible to succeed at 100% of the time.

God really has a sense of humor I think....just look at all the growth opportunities He has provided in a family. :-)
 
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