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How did you know?

Anna

Anna

Member
Female
Question for women that joined a family if you ladies dont mind. How did you know for sure it was right.
I'm a divorcee but when considering marriage before it was only just him and me to consider. Joining a family brings in so many other people to consider. How do you know it's going to be good for everyone? Can you know this upfront. Or is it that you know you have feelings and you think it's right then you just work at it to make sure?
 
I would love to hear both sides. Both someone looking at joining a family and the family knowing they woman was a right fit..
 
Foxlily said:
I would love to hear both sides. Both someone looking at joining a family and the family knowing they woman was a right fit..
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Me too!!
 
I’m hoping @Sparkles will get on here and answer this. :)

As a first wife—who wasn’t really on board with poly—I believe God made it pretty evident that @Sparkles was supposed to join our family, in spite of my fears.

From the moment we became friends and she started hanging out with our family, she fit in perfectly. From her personality, her faith, just who she is... She liked doing the same things we did, believed the same things, and more than all that, she was ready to be a submissive wife to @Isaac.
The fact that she was incredibly unselfish when it came to our relationships. I can’t imagine another woman coming in and being only wrapped up in what her own desires are. Sparkles was just as concerned about my relationship with Isaac as she was her own. There’s not much more that has made me feel love for her than this. :)

Also, she loves me. Even when I was in the worst of it and probably not the best SW or friend. She came into this family for not just Isaac. She wanted the kids and me. :)

No family is perfect but I really think all of us, in this family, are perfect for each other. Besides my hatred of poly (due to my fears), I’ve never doubted that she would fit well into our house. I know people say this, probably too often... But, God wanted her in our family. It would be a book if I wrote out all the ways the He showed us. But, show us He did.

And that’s how we knew it’d be good for everyone. Because besides the fact that she just fit, personally; she was brought to us by God when Isaac wasn’t even looking or desiring another. There were no glaring red flags that anyone chose to ignore just for the sake of “more women”... There really wasn’t (and isn’t) much drama.

It’s so clichè to say but, I feel like you’ll know when you know. :)
 
At first I decided against it. I didn’t think I wanted or could handle keeping such a huge part of my life a secret from most people (mainly my family). That’s what we decided we were going to do in the beginning.
Later on I had to decide for sure. I prayed a lot about it and we talked a lot about how we would do things and handle different situations. That helped, knowing a little bit about how life would be, even though you never really know until you live it. Some things were easy to know though. I was sure I wanted to marry @Isaac and officially be a part of the whole family, and @Sonshine is the sister I never had. :) I also always wanted a big family and a full house and this gave me that right away. This is also better in that area, because even when kids grow up and leave, there will still be at least three of us. It was mainly just making sure I knew what I was getting into and seeing if I could handle the rest. Ultimately, I came to know that this was what God wanted us to do so then I just had to take a leap of faith and pray that God would help me through the tough parts. I am also able to remind myself that those things that I wanted and love about this is worth the downsides.
 
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So were you two (@Sonshine and @Sparkles ) friends before poly ever came into the picture? I've had a few women in my life that we just clicked but they have all been married lol Otherwise, frankly, I have a hard time maintaining friendships in general (especially female) mostly because I've got so much going on in my life it's hard to find the time... lol However, a SW would be right there in my life all the time so easier to work on...

I do ho hope and pray we and others could be as blessed as your family has been :) God's will be done...
 
Foxlily said:
So were you two (@Sonshine and @Sparkles ) friends before poly ever came into the picture? I've had a few women in my life that we just clicked but they have all been married lol Otherwise, frankly, I have a hard time maintaining friendships in general (especially female) mostly because I've got so much going on in my life it's hard to find the time... lol However, a SW would be right there in my life all the time so easier to work on...

I do ho hope and pray we and others could be as blessed as your family has been :) God's will be done...
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We were friends! We met at church YEARS before, but she was pretty young when we first met. It wasn’t until a few years ago, that we met and really bonded. Our friendship is what led to her coming over and spending time with our family (much to the chagrin of our church members and friends:rolleyes:). And then over the course of time, things sort of just progressed. :)

@Foxlily, I didn’t really make new friends easily either. Although, not because I’m busy. Just because I’d had the same group of friends most of my life. Sparkles came in and changed EVERYTHING. ;)

I’ve since lost those friends. And it’s still really difficult and painful. But, having Sparkles does soothe the ache of that loss in many ways. To think that I’ll have someone else in my corner always is pretty awesome. :)

I pray for those blessings for your family and others, as well!
 
Hello
I was wanting to say. You just know when it is right. I have been in and out of this discussion with my husband about adding a sister/wife. But we have been married for 35 years. I started watching sister wifes and wondered. OMG I love the idea of a sister/wife but not the drama. Well I told Hashem if He wanted him to have another wife. She had to be my best friend and and sister that I never had. I told my husband on if this is His will then I'm ok with a sister/wife. We found our sister/ wife on a dating site lol. But as soon as we meet we all knew she was to become part of our family and lifes. We meet a year ago in July. They got married in October of last year. She moved into the house and has her own room. We are extremely happy and we work together so well. Hashem knew I was going to need someone. Cause November of last year our husband had a triple bypass surgery and then June had shoulder surgery. It was the scariest time of my life. A man healthy and we have been together since high school having this done. But I had sister (Cinnamongirl) and she was my helper and rock. I was there for her as she was for me. We love her and she loves us. Our children have accepted her as a 2nd mom. So yes it is easy to know you just feel it. She said it was like finding her soulmate. And we found in each other a sister and friend.
 
Anna said:
Well ladies I'm flying over to meet them on the 24th of august so I will keep you posted on whether I just know or not.
Thankyou so much for your advice and comments. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time.
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It will all be good. Cinnamongirl said write to her anytime with questions she will answer to the best of her knowledge. If u can help with anymore questions you might have let me know
 
Well that was a bit of a disaster!
Before I even got the chance to travel and meet them I just knew it wasnt right. Literally a week before my flight I just knew.
I was a little heartbroken and have taken a few weeks to feel sorry for myself but now I'm feeling like I did the right thing. If theres any doubts at this stage then it's not right to continue.
I'm still interested in plural marriage but I guess I have certain things I need from a husband and im not prepared to settle for less.
 
I'm so sorry. I was praying all was going.qell and you was able to meet and be there and happy.
I pray you are ok. You need to put it out there ask for God to give you what it is you are looking for in a husband and He will deliver
 
I'm sorry to hear things didn't work the way you'd hoped, Anna. As a first wife I had a gut feeling about the woman who is now my SW. She and I had been friendly, but not exactly friends, 30 or so years ago. We reconnected on Facebook and I invited her to our home for Bible Study one Sunday morning back in January. ( our little church broke up the previous summer, but that's another story). We hadn't seen each other in nearly 30 years so she hung around after and we all just talked. When she lift I asked hubby what he thought of her. To be honest he wasn't really interested. But I just knew in my heart that she was the one for us. I prayed for her, for hubby and God did the rest.
 
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