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How to make friends?

Broncos4life

Broncos4life

Member
Real Person
Female
Hello all!
I’m wondering how you guys are able to make friends and/or keep friends once they know you agree with or are in a plural marriage.I’m a pretty shy person so I don’t make friends easily. My husband and I just moved to SoCal we don’t know anyone here so it gets pretty lonely. While my husband and I don’t have a sisterwife yet I’m nervous to make friends because I feel once they know about this lifestyle they will just leave or think some awful things about me. Thank you all!
 
Broncos4life said:
Hello all!
I’m wondering how you guys are able to make friends and/or keep friends once they know you agree with or are in a plural marriage.I’m a pretty shy person so I don’t make friends easily. My husband and I just moved to SoCal we don’t know anyone here so it gets pretty lonely. While my husband and I don’t have a sisterwife yet I’m nervous to make friends because I feel once they know about this lifestyle they will just leave or think some awful things about me. Thank you all!
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I think that if you live any way diffent than the ways of Babylon/Egypt people will be a little stand of ish. It’s not a battle of flesh and blood. If we live set apart we will be just that.
 
I have found that it's usually only churchians and weak men who really get all that up in arms about it. I'm "out" as a supporter to everyone who knows me personally. It doesn't seem to affect much. Admittedly people don't really expect much from me and I'm weird enough in other areas that this one doesn't really stand out all that much.
 
I have been weird my whole life. My mom told me when I was growing up that her family had been in some areas 20 years ahead of their time. Things like home birth, no shots, and eating healthy things like alfalfa sprouts on sandwiches made my mom and some of her siblings stand out (read that get made fun of) from the other kids at public school and church. Her younger siblings finished high school correspondence through American Schools graduating before they were 16.

I tell my kids the same thing......and I believe it completely. This world is going to change, and what makes us weird now (including acceptance of polygyny) is going to be widely accepted in 20 years.

As for how to deal with your fears of rejection? That's personal, but I would say settle your own heart on the matter and be willing to BE rejected. Be honest with people about your feelings and who you are. Then the honest friends you have you may be able to trust because it will already be out there for them to do what they want with.
Men usually are less invested in this issue. Few men would even want another wife if they were told they could have one......it is the feminist at heart women that will rarely be neutral on the issue.

The other thing my mom told me....."You may never have a lot of friends, but the ones you have will be the cream of the crop "
Let that thought cheer you on lonely days. Shallow back stabbing feminist women are a dime a dozen. You are worth more then rubies!
 
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I’ve been talking with my teen children about finding and nurturing good friendships in the last few months
It’s not easy unless unless your a toddler and then everybody’s your friend, at least until they take your crayons
Important points I’ve stressed are
Find people that challenge you to be better than you are
Goods friends will bring out the best in you
To find a good friend you must be a good friend
But sadly not everyone is capable of giving or receiving (don’t use them as an excuse to not try)
Some friendships are worth making sacrifices for, Some are not
A true friend is a rare thing
Be true to yourself
I would rather be rejected for who I am
Than accepted for who I’m not

Its hard to give yourself to someone who’s cup is already full ( look for an empty cup)

Try
 
I’m slowly rolling this out as conversations come up. I have actually made way more solid friends with folks who know and agree than I ever had previously. Don’t hide the ball. But also no reason to be “in your face” about it either...
 
Fact is, friends aren't friends if you can't be you. Agreed with @Pacman don't make it the main thing, but don't hide it, either... you are in SoCal... the home of left/wierd... :D
 
Most people will deal with these areas when going against the ‘norm’.

Here are the five stages of dealing with rejection:
  • Denial. This is the stage where you bury your head in the sand and pretend 'the incident' never happened.
  • Anger. At your ex, the person who turned you down, the universe, yourself. ...
  • Bargaining. ...
  • Depression. ...
  • Acceptance
I’ve noticed, anger doesn’t always show up. But, correction will probably take its place. I rehab homes, I see this even when I explain the proper way of fixing a home problem with someone who has seen my work. They will explain their ‘better way’ to fix it. Same goes when explaining Biblical families and living.
 
@Broncos4life, just be yourself. Don't worry about what other people think. Things have changed a lot in the past 20 years, and as Zec said above, it's a small group that is going to have a real problem with you (in my experience it's professional Christians and 'damaged goods' women that have been the biggest problem, but churchians and weak men belong on the list, too). Just be yourself: For every one person that doesn't approve of you you're going to find two that find you interesting and want to get to know you better.

And say hi to your hubby for me!
 
Broncos4life said:
Hello all!
I’m wondering how you guys are able to make friends and/or keep friends once they know you agree with or are in a plural marriage.I’m a pretty shy person so I don’t make friends easily. My husband and I just moved to SoCal we don’t know anyone here so it gets pretty lonely. While my husband and I don’t have a sisterwife yet I’m nervous to make friends because I feel once they know about this lifestyle they will just leave or think some awful things about me. Thank you all!
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@Broncos4life , I tend to get folks mixed up. Is your hubby on here as well? If so, what's his forum name? I would like to send him a pm.

(Just FYI- I'm doing this in public rather than a pm because I've never met either one of you and don't like to communicate privately with another man's wife I'm not acquainted with :D)
 
Broncos4life said:
Hello all!
I’m wondering how you guys are able to make friends and/or keep friends once they know you agree with or are in a plural marriage.I’m a pretty shy person so I don’t make friends easily.
Click to expand...

Be yourself. Do what you believe to be right and speak the truth. The ones that do not like you or leave you over this were never really your friends in the first place.

Broncos4life said:
My husband and I just moved to SoCal we don’t know anyone here so it gets pretty lonely.
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I grew up in San Diego (Go Padres!), but live in Austin, Texas now.

Broncos4life said:
While my husband and I don’t have a sisterwife yet I’m nervous to make friends because I feel once they know about this lifestyle they will just leave or think some awful things about me. Thank you all!
Click to expand...

I would go to church and make friends there while you can, but just realize that there will be a sifting ahead where your fake friends will fall away.
 
Mojo said:
@Broncos4life , I tend to get folks mixed up. Is your hubby on here as well? If so, what's his forum name? I would like to send him a pm.

(Just FYI- I'm doing this in public rather than a pm because I've never met either one of you and don't like to communicate privately with another man's wife I'm not acquainted with :D)
Click to expand...

Hi. Yes he is On here.His name is Soldier4Jesus.
 
I/we lost our closest friends in pursuit of and obedience to God’s calling and will for our lives. I miss them dearly and do my best to not be bitter about it. I simply consider the friendships as having a time and season for both of our lives and God moving us each in different directions. I think of them regularly and pray for them often. Funny thing though, God has brought others into our lives and deeper, more meaningful bonds and relationships have formed even with greater distances between us. You may be surprised at what God does in all of this.

I agree with the consensus above, be yourself. Be who you are and don’t worry about the rest. :) I understand, as a man...or maybe just as Isaac, that this is easier said then done sometimes. I don’t need/desire the close in proximity relationships that I know my wives would love to have again. I’m pretty sure it’s a little different for you ladies. :)

And, FWIW, we’re not TOO far away up in NorCal. ;)
 
@Broncos4life I have also struggled at times but my family... mom, kids and close friends know where I stand on the issue of plural marriage none of them have a problem with it .... well my mom tollerates it. I have friends I haven't said anything to as I really don't feel it is necessary, I am sure many of them would not be ok with it. If I am not married or getting married I don't feel I need to say anything. I have met more men than women who believe in polygyny.

If you stick around Bibfam you will make friends.
Hang in there sister it gets easier
 
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