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How to prepare

FollowingHim2

FollowingHim2

Women's Ministry
Staff member
Real Person
Female
We feel God could be leading us in the direction of PM. We don't have anyone in mind at all but it just seems so...right. We are just leaving it up to God and perhaps he will send a SW our way at some stage in the future.

But how do I prepare for that now? We don't know if He will send her our way tomorrow, in 10 years, or never! How much can I plan for this? I obviously have things that I need to work on ie jealousy, that come with being brought up in a mongomy only society and not even realising polygany was an option :) . Can I realistically work on this stuff without a SW around though or is it something I will just have to go through when/if the time comes?
 
Just pray the Lord to grow your heart, honey, and He will, in His own time. Believe me, it DOES happen! Sometimes much more quickly than you expect, and sometimes we have to pray so long we begin to wonder if Anyone is really listening. But honey, He IS listening, trust me. I've had too many amazing miracles happen to me and my family to not believe. :ugeek:
 
Thanks Froggie. Praying is certainly something I'm doing as I feel it's the only thing I can do right now! It's funny, talking about this with my husband and God, I am closer to them both than I have been for a long time. That's not something I thought would happen!
 
The most excellent active thing you can do that I know of is improving your communication skills. Not just the way you communicate inside the home, but all your communications. Be aware of moments when you may be acting passive aggressively, where maybe you are expecting someone else to guess that you are upset. Where maybe you may leave something stewing....all these bad forms of communicating are very difficult to cope with in a Polygamous family. Men have tools they have learnt from dealing with women, but adult women don't have that experience so we may end up more frustrated with each other because we see our own bad communication habits reflected in each other.

Do not be surprised if you are accusing each other about the exact same thing....some women think they are excellent at communicating, not realising that they are just excellent at explaining things to her husband....it is so not the same thing :D

Bels
 
Awesome response Bels, thanks! I read it out to DH and he said "yip, yip and yip!" so I guess I have some stuff to work on there :lol:
 
Me and my husband are preparing by saving money, becoming more healthy people to produce children, and growing closer to the Lord. I think all that a first wive can do is work on yourself and your marriage. oh and in the mean time pray for your sister wive. I remeber being 16 and praying for my husband, and i promise i got the man that i asked for, so i pray for my sister wive and her jouney to us.... MrsCaples
 
Also you may want to consider how you imagine it to go and have an ideal in your head to explain to a prospective sw. Being a second wife I have some experience in coming into a home where a marriage was already established and how that can feel (you will have to ask my sw about how it feels to be the first wife) I would also suggest that you look and organize how you do things , I am having a hard time expressing what I mean. When I first came with my children we did things differently than my now sw and husband and most of the stuff we had bumps in the road about were the way we did things and ran our households and mostly stuff we took for granted that everyone did. We had discussed all kinds of stuff and how we imagined them to go when we shared not only a husband but a household, and most of the time it sounded like we agreed but in practice we didn't. for instance she thought my daughters were back talking when I considered what they were doing as responding to my request so that I knew they heard me and understood what I was asking of them, We had all agreed that back talking was wrong for children to do but it turned out that our ideas of what constituted back talking was different. Also be prepared to discuss just about everything if you are going to share a household, when you are used to being the only wife (or a single mom) you get used to being able to make certain decisions in regards to the household that perhaps DH doesn't care to have input on (where furniture is arranged for instance) but your sw may want to have input on.

Good luck in your search and may God lead you in all you do.
 
Thanks Poly2! You bring up some valuable points. I jokingly said to my husband that we won't have this problem as she'll just do everything my way :lol: . This is stuff I think we'll just have to work out when it happens and be open to compromise and discussing things.
 
Well jokingly looking at things is still looking at them and being prepared to compromise and discuss are really the only ways to prepare. Good luck in all you do and may God send you someone who "fits".
 
Preparing is different for everyone and I personally think that it is something hard to do before you meet the right person in some ways. When my boyfriend at the time brought up this topic I thought about it and said ok believe what you will, and I am fine with that. I am very open to one day their being a possibility of their being another woman and right now I am fine and dandy about it but the realization will only truly hit if and when he ever beings another woman home. Right now all I do is think about the scenario's and how I will be ok with it but I do also know that if it does happen it will not be something that I am 100% ready for. Their will be an adjustment period when I have to learn that he will not be in the same bed with me every night, when he will take her out and not me, when we will go see her family for something and not mine or his and the list goes on. I will have to learn how to let her do things her way and not try and tell her how I like it done.
I would pray about it and learn to trust that you are following a path in which God has led you, if that is how you feel. There will always be trials and tribulations with the relationship as their is with monogamy itself. Write down your feeling or thoughts that you have regarding someone else being there and talk about those with your husband if you feel the need. I am sure he would reassure you that you are thinking too much or that your feelings are natural but that is not how it will be depending on the scenario.
Open up to the lady whom your husband has an interest in when you are getting to know her or once you feel the timing is right. Let her know your concerns and maybe there are things you both might need to work on and can help each other with. This will not be easy at times but if you truly feel called to this, Pray about it and He will help you through it but don't hold back your feelings.
 
Nicely stated, Kim! So much to think about...kinda like having a baby. ;) Yet, if the heart and mind are in the right place then solutions will be found and peace will come.
 
kimberlymars9 said:
Their will be an adjustment period when I have to learn that he will not be in the same bed with me every night
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That will be one of the hardest things for me. I do not sleep well when he is away. I have great difficulty getting to sleep when he is not in bed with me, even if he is just in the lounge!
 
Wow, I feel for you ladies. I have exactly the opposite problem: I cannot share. I cannot sleep with my husband. Early in our marriage, he drew an imaginary line in the mattress and said, "This is your side of the bed. You keep your blankets and your arms and legs on your side of the bed." And I responded, "Then I want my own bed." :o So as soon as we had a room large enough to do so, we each got our own queen sized bed. It was awesome! Plus, we worked different shifts, and for a time he was a truck driver, so wasn't even home...

Then we moved to a really tiny house, and when I saw the size of the rooms, I turned to my sister in law and remarked in horror, "Oh no, I'm going to have to sleep with your brother!" :shock: But we got around that: we gave our queen sized beds to our sons, who each had their own room, and we got matching twin sized beds for us. It's worked out great. 8-)
 
Froggie, you make me smile! It is always amazing to me how different we all can be. I have known women who thought it was the greatest thing to cook togther in the kitchen creating a meal for the family. While others can't imagine having to work around someone else in "their" kitchen. Then other ladies who don't even care about cooking and tend to depend on their husband who does like to cook, to feed the family. We all have so many different expectations and abilities. Yet, I have come to see that if love and grace are in the mix then those differences can create a wonderful family.

Of course, the sleeping alone thing is something that has to be worked out within each of us individually...hopefully with the support of our husbands understanding. ;) Take a deep breath and ask the Lord what He wants to share with you during those alone times. I bet He will have some good things to say. :)
 
Froggie...I hear ya! My husband an I sleep with separate blankets and do not touch one another AT ALL while sleeping...we give each other a hug and a kiss then sleep through the whole night back to back! This is mainly because I am a furnace and put off ungodly amounts of heat at night. But on the flip side whenever my husband works late I hate going to sleep without him...it just seems odd when he isn't laying there! As far as preparing for PM I would have to say we are focusing on improving our relationship and communication, in fact PM has already helped my marriage because it has forced us to evaluate and resolve underlying issues that we never even realized existed! I just want us to be the best we can be so that if and when we find the right person we don't have extraneous issues complicating the assimilation process.
 
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