• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

I'm new here... i have questions

R

rcphotographer07

New Member
My name is Rachel. I have 2 little girls 2 and 5. I have been married for 5 years. and My Husband have a friend who have 2 wives. Which I never met him or know him. We were talking about it. I never thought He would think by having another woman in his life. That he sees the benefits in it. nothing about sexual relationship. Just the benefits when a woman taking are a home, and outdoor things that need to be taken care of. etc.


For the First Wives Questions:

1. How do you feel when your husband decided to have another woman in your life and his. How do you respond to that when He started to bring it up and thinking about it?

2. Do you feel resentful by doing what he wants when he want another woman in his life?

3. How can you tell your family that ( He have another woman in our lives) did you just fibbed to them and saying things such as. She have no place to live, so she is living with us for a while, or She is my best friend.

4. How do you feel when He will do sexual relationship with that woman. even tho you are the first wife. she is the second. Do you have any concerns what if.... she have.... ( even tho background, criminal check, mental history, and check ups.. if no aids, hiv, herpes.. etc all clean bill of health.) but still WONDERING.. what if she have a yeast infection, without knowing.

5. Do you let your husband to have a baby with that woman? even tho she is a second. how do you feel when she is pregnant by him?

6. How long it takes you feel like normal again, that doesn't seems to matter to you anymore?

I think that covers it all.


I hope I can hear from you soon.



I'm feeling awkward for a moment. Thanks for understanding.
 
Hello Rachel and welcome to biblical families, We are so glad you found us. I am first going to start off by saying there is a lot you can learn from the forums. My name is Tiffany and I am a first wife, fairly new to plural marriage myself. I hope to answer your question based on what I have dealt with and how I am still dealing with my new found lifestyle.
question 1. You should take comfort that he is coming to you and talking to you about taking a second wife, because some men have went and took a second wife without talking to their wives. I had a emotional reaction, a bad emotional reaction. I then came to terms this is not bad and it can work. I have to let my husband lead and trust that God is leading him in the right way. Has his love changed for me NO it did not, it actually became stronger.
2.being resentful is a natural reaction, but the world has created that women can be resentful and not follow thier husbands, if you live by the bible and do what God wants then you would want to follow and obey your husband. I am a very head strong woman and like to have my own way and do things my way, so I am learning to follow what God wants and that is I can not be resentful and I need to follow my husband and his lead, and again I have to trust God that he is leading my husband in the right direaction. If this is something you feel you have to accpet then do not rush your husband. I have a friend that her husband rushed in and she did not slow him down and it messed up their marriage. Plural marriage has benefits that can be better than monogamy but it has to be balanced and managed.
3. Dont rush in telling your family and friends. I had a wise woman tell me, " Dont go looking for trouble" let things sit and if it comes up and then you tell them. Dont be scared because you will find that most people don't care. My husband and I have a wonderful support system with his parents and my dad, now my mom on the other hand will take time to get use to it. My sister wife family does not know yet, but we are working as a family to find a way to tell them so they will support us as well. You have to show that it is not something dirty or evil. When we introduce my sister wife, we tell people her name and that she is apart of our family. You have to ask yourselves is it something you really have to tell someone? is it really any of their buisness?
4. That is the mans job in proctecting each of you. In our family we have a precaution that our husband has to take a shower in between spending time with both of us indvidually. The shower is not just for sex but it is a time for himself that he takes to mellow the transition between us. We don't as sisterwives ask or compare sex stories, don't ask your husband either. You then will start to compare yourself to what and how he does things with your sisterwife if you ask questions. Our husband does not get provocative with each of us in front of each other, a little peck before he heads to the store is all we get. He also does not allow us to be provocative with him in front of each other.
5. You should not control their relationship and how it works. Wives are equal not a heirarchy. You have to remember he is a husband to her also. Now in saying that, if you truly love your husband and your sisterwife you want the best for both of them. You want them to be happy just as you and your husband is happy with your children. You can also loook at it as your family is growing and more love to spread. I have not had to deal with this yet, but if my sister wife came to me and told me she was pregnant, at first I would probably have issues but I would be really excited because that is a baby that I can love and care for as well. Plus it will make our husband a richer man.
6. You are adding a new member to your family, it is like having a new born baby. This new wife is a new member and she is there and will grow in to it, it is up to you on how soon you will accpet her.
Being in a Plural family is actually a wonderful thing. You will have ups and downs just like all families but you have to work together to make it a success. Your husband is capable of loving you and another woman at the same time without loving one more than the other, he can love you both equally but differently. Dont look at her as a threat or taking your place, you have a history with your husband that she can not take away from you. You need to look at your siterwife as a friend and a helper. My 7 year old is a very wise little girl. I had a conversation with her about having 2 mommies and she thinks having 2 mommies is so wonderful because when one cant be there for her she knows the other mommy will be and she has more love than any kid around. I also asked her would she would ever want a sister wife and her answer was very good she told me" mommy I would love to have a sister wife because I would always have a friend and someone to love me no matter what." She also sees the benefit in growing up with a lot of bothers and sisters, again she will always have a friend while she is young and plently of people to love her. Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to talk.
Love in God Always Tiffany
 
rcphotog: Men can and do read this Ladies Only forum, but are not supposed to post. Part of the growing viewing-but-not-answering group ...
 
Hello Rachel,

Firstly, the points you bring up are issues that tend to recycle themselves. You'll find some encouragement here, but IMHO, no answer is universal. Tiffany offered some very good advice, which I won't repeat, but I'd like to throw in my two cents.

1. I brought up the subject, so it's exciting for me when he gets involved. There are times I get jealous, but honestly, that's because he's doing things to provoke me. It's all meant in good fun.

2. Resentment is as ugly as jealousy. Don't let it consume your marriage for any reason. Rather than focusing on how "greedy" he's being, try to appreciate what you have with him. Another wife doesn't diminish your relationship.

3. You can tell your family as much or as little as you want. Eventually, they'll grow to love her too, and will enjoy seeing her for the holidays, etc.

4. Getting a general idea of her sexual history is a good idea. Don't ask for specifics, but if she had an unfaithful ex-husband, it's a good idea to take some precautions. This is a risk even in a monogamous marriage, since spouses may be unfaithful. It all comes down to trust.

5. It's not your place to set limits on their family. Babies are an excellent opportunity for the whole family to bond.

6. PM is a growing process. Shucks, I just have one family, and there are days I don't feel "normal". :lol:

Saying all this, I think I should throw out the disclaimer that PM isn't for everyone. Pray on it. Study it. Realize that just because you believe this is Biblical doesn't mean it's necessarily for you. This is a deeply personal decision that no one can argue you into or out of. To each his own.

-PJ
 
Rachel: it looks like you are still online so hopefully you see this. Try using in using flash instead of Java, that might work?
 
CHAT ROOM

it is about the CHAT ROOM: I tried to get in, and i stay there for a 15-30 minutes, then i got booted.. and keep saying ERROR.. and i tried 2 times and third time.. wont let me in at all..... grrrrrr
 
Try a different name - I think it is booting you for typing messages that are too long. If possible try a different computer.
 
Err PY45. Your activity has violated a rule multiple times, and your access has been banned by the administrator of this web site for a time period they have configured. Get more information about this error code: http://parach.at/faq/errors/ that what i got... and i am BANNED to use the chat room.... I did not do anything wrong! :oops:
 
Annoying. Wonder how long you are banned for. There are a few of us in chat just now and waiting to see if any of them have another suggestion.
 
Rachel,

It was great to see you tonight. Sorry you got booted. The Biblical Families admins are away right now, but I will let them know what happened. Please try again next week - the timeout will probably have been lifted by then. It is an independent chat room that we use (It is NOT biblical families banning you).

Eternitee
 
:(

now you are off line :(

I sent you a pm with my yahoo messenger and hopefully you can join us there?
 
Rachel,

We are working on your problem. We don't understand why you alone are being denied access. The website link that is being provided to you in the error message has no relationship whatsoever with our forum chat. I might be going out on a limb here, but perhaps your internet provider has a system for blocking certain types of chat activity.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Blessings

Doc
 
Hi Rachel! Welcome along. I'm going to start by saying that I'm a first and only wife right now, so I cant answer some of your questions fully, but I hope that I am able to one day ;) .

rcphotographer07 said:
1. How do you feel when your husband decided to have another woman in your life and his. How do
you respond to that when He started to bring it up and thinking about it?
Click to expand...
My husband's and my stories about how we came around to thinking this are here viewtopic.php?f=17&t=3904
2. Do you feel resentful by doing what he wants when he want another woman in his life?
Click to expand...

No. Some days I am sure I want it more than him and am resentful of the fact that he doesn't have another wife right now :lol:
3. How can you tell your family that ( He have another woman in our lives) did you just fibbed to them and saying things such as. She have no place to live, so she is living with us for a while, or She is my best friend.
Click to expand...

Honestly, I can't really answer this. The one thing I won't do is lie, so if someone asks me outright I'm going to tell them. But I think that what we would say would have to be a conversation that we sat down and all have together, making sure we are all comfortable with whatever was being said.

4. How do you feel when He will do sexual relationship with that woman. even tho you are the first wife. she is the second. Do you have any concerns what if.... she have.... ( even tho background, criminal check, mental history, and check ups.. if no aids, hiv, herpes.. etc all clean bill of health.) but still WONDERING.. what if she have a yeast infection, without knowing.
Click to expand...

Yip, it's a possibility. First of all, I trust Samuel. So I trust that if she has a messy past then he would make sure she had no diseases. There's not much you can do about a yeast infection, but really, how long can you go for without knowing? It's not much fun now is it?!

5. Do you let your husband to have a baby with that woman? even tho she is a second. how do you feel when she is pregnant by him?
Click to expand...

I don't let my husband do anything. He is the head, it is his decision. Yes, I suspect they would have children together. I have no problem with that and look forward to someone else being pregnant that's not me :D . I also know how difficult pregnancy can be, and if I can help another woman out while she's pregnant, rather than her having to do it on her own or with just a husband, then that's a blessing to me.

6. How long it takes you feel like normal again, that doesn't seems to matter to you anymore?
Click to expand...
Do you mean once you're in a PM, or just thinking about one? I'm not sure if I can answer this one!

Also, sorry you've been having problems with the chat. I hope that it's all sorted. I'm going to try really really hard to make it this week I swear! It would be great to meet you there if you can make it on.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top