I thought I would share a few thoughts for those seeking polygyny from my short experience with two wives for the past 6 months. There’s nothing groundbreaking here. This is just common sense stuff here. Many have way more experience than me. I’m a beginner. I’m just sharing some things I’ve learned.
Don’t rush the marriage. There are no do overs. Work out major differences beforehand and make sure you solve show stopper problems before committing. We did go fairly fast. My rationale was, God has only given me so much time on earth, and I know I have to be with her, so why wait. I think most would agree a slower approach would be best for most people. Work out major issues with first wife and new wife. Try as best as you can to ease first wife concerns up front. You do not want to be fighting battles later.
Commit forever. New wife may have her issues. You’ve committed and aren’t going anywhere. Resolve in your heart there will never ever be a divorce and you will work through everything and never abandon her. She’s yours. You took her now stay with her.
Be fair. Common sense here. Wives can tell if/when you’re favoring one over the other. Every little detail can’t always be equal but you can be fair. Do something special for one wife? Make it a point to do something for other wife. Don’t favor a wife or have a favorite wife. This is hard when you have a new wife, because naturally you’re going to want to be with her. Don’t forget about first wife. Make it a point to be with her as well.
Keep things confidential. Don’t go running around playing one wife against the other. In your confidential bedroom talks don’t badmouth one wife to the other. Wives can figure things out. A wife may say something against another wife. Try not to take sides.
Show affection. Most women are very emotional and need to feel and see your love. A little extra affection can go a long way. Even if you’re not an overly affectionate person make a point to do it often. Hug and kiss a lot. What I like to do is during family time is cuddle with wives. There’s something special about loving on your wives. Don’t go around being harsh all the time. You are to love them. So show it.
Be equal with sex. This is a big deal. Don’t give one wife more sex than the other. Make a sex and sleeping arrangement schedule schedule if you have to. You can be spontaneous just don’t forget about the other. If you want problems, then give one wife less sex and you’ll have some. This is one of the ones that has to be almost completely equal. Wives know when you’re favoring the other wife. Don’t do it. What we do is make both a sleeping schedule and sex schedule and it’s generally adhered to unless something comes up. If someone misses a night, I would try to make it up to avoid hurt feelings. Yeah you can run it how you want but do you always want to go running around putting out fires.
Have family meetings. Set aside some time where everyone can express their opinion. Even if you disagree with it. Don’t shut wives out. Sure, you may go in a different direction. You don’t have to do what they want all the time but you should listen. They might have a good idea or two.
Have family time. Sometimes we read the Bible, books, or just watch TV and cuddle Have some type of activity where the husband and wives can all bond and talk freely
Have activities just for the wives. They need to bond. I don’t think this ever stops. Have them go out for girl time activities or work on projects together.
You’re in charge but you don’t always have to act like it. Don’t run around yelling about minor things and being harsh. You can get the same point across in a nicer way. Don’t play the “I’m in charge” card all the time. Sometimes you have to but try to limit those. Everyone reacts better to kindness. What I try to do is ask “would you please do this for me”, even if it’s an “order” or something you want done.
Make time for yourself. Taking care of multiple wives is a lot of work. You might get tired. Schedule some time to take a nap, work on a project, ride a motorcycle, or go fishing. Whatever the activity, find time for some down time for yourself to decompress. Maybe do that while they’re doing girl time.
I hope these thoughts are helpful to someone. I’m not expert. I’m a beginner, but I do have things I’ve recognized may be helpful to do.
Don’t rush the marriage. There are no do overs. Work out major differences beforehand and make sure you solve show stopper problems before committing. We did go fairly fast. My rationale was, God has only given me so much time on earth, and I know I have to be with her, so why wait. I think most would agree a slower approach would be best for most people. Work out major issues with first wife and new wife. Try as best as you can to ease first wife concerns up front. You do not want to be fighting battles later.
Commit forever. New wife may have her issues. You’ve committed and aren’t going anywhere. Resolve in your heart there will never ever be a divorce and you will work through everything and never abandon her. She’s yours. You took her now stay with her.
Be fair. Common sense here. Wives can tell if/when you’re favoring one over the other. Every little detail can’t always be equal but you can be fair. Do something special for one wife? Make it a point to do something for other wife. Don’t favor a wife or have a favorite wife. This is hard when you have a new wife, because naturally you’re going to want to be with her. Don’t forget about first wife. Make it a point to be with her as well.
Keep things confidential. Don’t go running around playing one wife against the other. In your confidential bedroom talks don’t badmouth one wife to the other. Wives can figure things out. A wife may say something against another wife. Try not to take sides.
Show affection. Most women are very emotional and need to feel and see your love. A little extra affection can go a long way. Even if you’re not an overly affectionate person make a point to do it often. Hug and kiss a lot. What I like to do is during family time is cuddle with wives. There’s something special about loving on your wives. Don’t go around being harsh all the time. You are to love them. So show it.
Be equal with sex. This is a big deal. Don’t give one wife more sex than the other. Make a sex and sleeping arrangement schedule schedule if you have to. You can be spontaneous just don’t forget about the other. If you want problems, then give one wife less sex and you’ll have some. This is one of the ones that has to be almost completely equal. Wives know when you’re favoring the other wife. Don’t do it. What we do is make both a sleeping schedule and sex schedule and it’s generally adhered to unless something comes up. If someone misses a night, I would try to make it up to avoid hurt feelings. Yeah you can run it how you want but do you always want to go running around putting out fires.
Have family meetings. Set aside some time where everyone can express their opinion. Even if you disagree with it. Don’t shut wives out. Sure, you may go in a different direction. You don’t have to do what they want all the time but you should listen. They might have a good idea or two.
Have family time. Sometimes we read the Bible, books, or just watch TV and cuddle Have some type of activity where the husband and wives can all bond and talk freely
Have activities just for the wives. They need to bond. I don’t think this ever stops. Have them go out for girl time activities or work on projects together.
You’re in charge but you don’t always have to act like it. Don’t run around yelling about minor things and being harsh. You can get the same point across in a nicer way. Don’t play the “I’m in charge” card all the time. Sometimes you have to but try to limit those. Everyone reacts better to kindness. What I try to do is ask “would you please do this for me”, even if it’s an “order” or something you want done.
Make time for yourself. Taking care of multiple wives is a lot of work. You might get tired. Schedule some time to take a nap, work on a project, ride a motorcycle, or go fishing. Whatever the activity, find time for some down time for yourself to decompress. Maybe do that while they’re doing girl time.
I hope these thoughts are helpful to someone. I’m not expert. I’m a beginner, but I do have things I’ve recognized may be helpful to do.
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