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Living Arrangements

sweetlissa

sweetlissa

Member
Real Person
Female
If and when your family becomes polygamous, how do you intend to live? Do you all want to live together in one large place? Or does each wife want her own private home? Does anyone have an opinion on what the best arrangement for them is? I would love to see some good discussion on these topics. Also, if anyone cares to share, why they believe that way and what advantages or disadvantages there are or may be with the set up.

Comment anyone?

SweetLissa
 
Sweet Lissa,

I was giving this some thought for the future. I think that living right next door to each other would be the best solution. That way there still is the closeness but also some space as well, especially if children are in the picture. I know just from having a 17-year-old daughter that even she needs space away from my husband and me.

I'm also basing MHO on watching my grandmother and mother's situation. After my grandfather died my grandmother couldn't stand sleeping in her house at night, so she comes down to my mother's house from 4:00 pm until 7:00 am the next day. Then she is at her own home from 7:00 am until 4:00 pm. This gives my mother and father some alone time. This is really good for my dad, because at times he gets quite impatient with my grandmother.

On the other hand, having two homes would be totally expensive for us. So after this long explantation, I guess I would have to settle on a home that at least has two floors, so there is some division for privacy from time-to-time.

Michelle
 
BTW, Lissa nice picture.

I told my husband what I posted here, and he was not really happy with me. Trying to be more obedient to him, I need to change my way of thinking. He said that, we would all live in the same house. Please forgive me ladies for speaking out without considering what my husband was thinking. :oops:

Michelle
 
Michelle,
You actually said the same thing in the end. You stated that living in one house with two different floors would be your ideal since it would be more economical yet provide a certain level of privacy.

Of course your husband would have the final say so. The idea was to get people thinking about what kind of family structure they would like to have. For us the idea has always been that we would live together in one home, but that it would need to be a large home with private areas.

SweetLissa
 
Ladies,
It would be The Chaplains and my preference for us all 3 to live together when "J" joins us ... BUT he and I know that is not how it will be in the beginning. When she does join us , she will live at her place and The Chaplain and I will live in our home. Our dream is that we would have a house built together for the 3 of us He and I have talked about this in detail and I think what would work best is that she have her side of the house and I have mine and we share the middle part .. oh and of course he would need to have his "man cave" . What i mean by her side of the house and my side of the house is that we would each have a master bedroom and bathroom and the rest of the house , we would share.. That doesn't mean that I couldn't go see her in her part and that she couldn't some see me in my part..... We would both need our own personal places... We might even make The Chaplain sleep in his man cave.. :o giggles We would share the kitchen and whatever other rooms we had.
We have not discussed this in detail with "J".... She knows that we would like to build a home with her included and even if she does not join us in a PM relationship.. She would still have her own private area and he and I would have ours...

I think that is what best for us.... We can chose to be a part of the whole group or either of us can go and have some time to just be alone... I can be a grump :evil: and sometimes I like being by myself but for the most part I like interaction with others. Just my thoughts on the subject.. Come on ladies come and share your ideas with us...
A note to Michelle.... you have nothing in my opinion to ask our forgiveness for.. you were just sharing your thoughts with us.. Now you know how your husband thoughts are on the matter... At least he is voicing his opinion on how he would like it to be ... Maybe he will come and join us so we can get to know him too...
 
Thanks for letting me share my opinions. It would be nice to hear more from the other ladies as well. There is a post on the forum from a gentlemen (I can't remember his name it starts with an "E:" entmraye ? something like that), it appears his wives all live in different houses and, maybe even one in a different country. Wow! That would be very difficult for me to not have contact with the other sisterwives. Any thoughts?

Chaplain's Rose,
I have been asking my husband to go to this site for a long time. I have him the information again yesterday, so I'm hoping he decides to post something.

Michelle
 
I am dating someone who believes in polygamy and I am thus far not scared and I am ready for this step when and if it ever happens.

I would think that living together would be hard for me atleast because I definity like things my way, and I don't want someone diving into my area. I wouldn't mind living next door but I would want to be close to the. In the future if kids were in the picture it would be easy for carpool, or birthdays. I just think two women in one house would not be easy but some could do it.
 
ladies,
personally i feel that living in different zip codes or states is almost like have two or more separate lives... to me it would feel like i was a mistress and not a wife. there has to be a commitment for all involved. i personally agree with lissa... i dont think that would be a family.. well at least a family i would want to be a part of...
hugs to all
 
Hello ladies,
The living arrangement of plural families is certainly a big question! I have been around long enough to have seen several different set ups and hear different opinions on the subject. I have to agree with Chaplians Rose that living in different towns just dosen't seem to yell one big family. But I have known a man who thought that was the best set up for him. I guess he liked to keep the relationships separate except for an occasional get together. My mother said that she thought that two houses would be good, like in the OT where they mention the separate tents that the wives had. Granted, tents where probably a bit less expensive to maintain than two houses, apartments or whatever. :-) Then there is the one big (hopefully big enough) house for all to stay in. I have to say that I believe there are more pros to this way than cons. Living in one house forces you to truly walk out all those "Christian" ideals you hold in your heart. It takes a lot of selflessness and grace, yet the unity that it can bring is great. If children are involved it is the easiest and brings a lot of security for them to always be in the same house but with different family adults watching them. But...for us Americans who are usually so independant of our families to begin with it can be very stressful to live together and try to work with each others preferences at the same time. Our family has lived mainly together for the first six years and then for various reasons we decided to live in two houses. We have been that way for the last five years. The houses are only two minutes apart. We have family meals together most every night. Whoever cooks ususally hosts. The children are old enough that they don't mind, for the most part. It is a hassle at times to take stuff back and forth. But it is only a bike ride away so things usually get worked out. The person who suffers the most is my husband. He does not like having his family in two places. (I guess it would be like having your children in two houses and trying to take care of things in both places.) His desire is to buy land where he can have two houses right next door to each other or one large house with separate living areas for his two wives. N and I both understand the benefits to children and husband living in one house but find that we do much better with our relationship with a certain amount of separation. But who knows what the future will bring. I do know that we want always to be a family that brings Glory to God in all that we do, wherever we go and whatever living set up we have. I will just have to leave the rest up to HIm to work
out. :-) I suspect that that is what most plural families want to do also. God is able to work with lots of different set ups, you just have to try one that seems right for your family and go from there.

Hope for the future,
Julieb
 
Julie,
Thanks for the great input on several different styles of living arrangements. You have been at this longer than anyone I know and your wisdom is always welcome. Hubby always says that when we live apart he always feels that he has left part of him behind, which is our chief motivation for wanting to all live together. But yes, at our ages we have decided that having a large home with plenty of privacy is ideal.

SweetLissa
 
Lissa,
I feel very motivated to make plural marriage work, and several people I have talked to seem to all agree that seperate living quarters is usually necessary in order to keep all wives happy. I honestly would prefer to all live in the same house, simply because it would be easier for the whole family I believe..as far as the entire family being under one roof. But...I would totally understand if my SW wanted to live in seperate quarters. Of course expense would be an issue, but I do live in a modest home and expect my SW would be OK with the same, therefore the mortgages would be a little more managable for us...Chris and I are actually discussing trying to buy the house across the street, it is currently in foreclosure but should be coming up for bid soon. If we could get an incredible deal on it we may just go for it, and maybe rent it out until hopefully someday we would need it for our growing family. I will say that it would bother me greatly to live far away from my SW, at the very least I would like to live on the same street. I want to know if I need my husband in the middle of the night I could get him quick and I am sure she would feel the same as well.
:) Kacy
 
For us, logistics determine our situation. My husband and I work in separate towns, and have homes in each. Neither of us have spent the night in the house where I work, but we have it in case of bad winter weather (I can stay the night or a few nights there). If we were to bring in another wife, she would stay there. As it is, I drop off our baby in the mornings with a family friend in the town I work in. If there were a second wife, I would drop the baby off with her in the mornings and visit during lunch to breastfeed, etc. (both houses are right next to where we work).

Husband is finishing master's degree, and we expect to move in a couple years, then a single, large house would be ideal.
 
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