Hi, how are you doing? I am newly registered to this group but felt your pain and wanted to post a reply. I am so sorry for the hurt and turmoil you are going through. It seems that instead of bringing you happiness and fulfillment, the polygamous life has brought you pain and sorrow, apparently because of your feelings regarding the way it is conducted in your home. I think that no matter what the lifestyle or marital choice certain ground rules still apply. The relationship is not all about any one person even if we are to be submissive to our husbands as God has also charged them with caring for us as they would themselves. Like in any relationship the success, harmony, and longevity of it depends on open communication AND responsiveness of the partner(s) to the needs, thoughts, desires, and feelings of the other(s). You and your feelings are just as important as anyone's and the way you are feeling right now deserves to be heard and understood and met with change in the way things are done so that all can be reasonably happy.
From what you say in your relationship it sounds as if the squeakiest wheel is getting all the grease when all wheels need attention and care. I was wondering if some reflection might help to clarify your feelings, beliefs, and stance on things and therefore enhance your ability to get what you want. I know when one is very upset it is difficult to think and plan calmly and rationally, or even sometimes to communicate in a way that others truly hear, respect, and abide by. What are your bottom lines that you would need to occur in order for you to feel peace, self-esteem, and basic happiness? How could ground rules be established and followed in your family? Are you truly accepting of the polygamous life? Is the main hurt and anger because of the way things are being done or is it having a sisterwife in general? Are there any things that you could change to make things better or is it all "her/his/their" fault in your view? I noticed that you said if you all knew how he could marry your sisterwife you all would do so. Does this mean that you have truly accepted and want her there, but just want things to change?
It is troubling that from your description your husband does not seem to feel or prioritize your severe anxiety, hurt, and anger. These kinds of feelings bottled up over time can cause illness, depression, low self-esteem, and even thoughts of suicide. As a leader, is he generally considerate and respectful of your needs and feelings or is this a pattern in other aspects of your life? Also, in what way do all contribute in general to the wellbeing, cohesion, and success of the family and its members such as financially, task-wise, etc? I am asking only to try to see if similar conflicts and problems exist in other areas to get a better feel for how things might be helped. I also wanted to suggest that you might post where some men can give their perspective as they may have good advice and insight as well. Hang in there though. You seem to be a highly devoted, loving, wonderful woman. I hope you will practice self-comforting techniques such as hot baths, cuddling in a blanket with a good book or movie, favorite food, treating your self, calling friends, etc. to help yourself cope during this troubling time. Also do things to raise your self-esteem such as working out, taking a class, new hairdo, and positive, affirming words to yourself etc. We women have to practice self-care especially when we are faced with hurt regarding our men. You are definitely worthy because God made you that way and nothing ANYONE on Earth can do will ever change that.
