I have quite frankly vacillated on this topic, as to whether to post a reply or not, given my own difficult and painful situation. (And while I have requested prayer elsewhere on this site, I will preface this post with a repeat of that sincere request, for those so inclined.)
I take heed of James' warning to the double-minded man to expect nothing from the Lord as well, and thus hasten to add that while my second wife B has "departed", in violation her Covenant and I Corinthians 7, and I find myself in a battle with a State that I regard as nothing short of Satanic (details will follow for those who find such a statement incredible) -- I have no doubt that He has "all things" worked out for our good, and that He will ultimately "restore the years" that the worm has eaten.
So, take from this what you will - for advice, or for caution, or both.
I have been with my first wife L for well over thirty years now, although only for the last third after having come to a knowledge of our Savior. To a great extent, our King used B, who became my second wife almost a decade ago, and what His Word says about marriage, as part of that process. For the most part, these have been the most wonderful and blessed times of my life, and I give Him thanks for all He has done, and all He has taught us.
To be "in the world but not of it", has been a continuing challenge, however. Much of this was made more difficult, and pressing, because of issues in B's past, which led to issues of abandonment and mistrust. While I both made many mistakes and learned much over the years, any failure of covering was seen as proof that ultimately the problem was with polygyny, or my failure, rather than as something common to marriage in general, and all of us who simply "fall short". Those of us who seek to honor God and cover an additional wife or wives, in other words, should be prepared to be held to a higher standard.
I'll get to the 'hard stuff' in a subsequent addition. For now, I'll put in a few of the
nuts and bolts practicum to end this post.
- If you choose to buy insurance, find policies which allow any named beneficiary, without reference to "relationship" as defined by the state. This is still possible, from life to health to property - although I expect the prince of this world to continue to seek to expand his dominion, and for these "loopholes" to ultimately be closed. (I frequently rail against licenses and socialist control over what was once private contract. I contend that almost EVERY new initiative that you see to prevent some presumed "wrong" or expand some made-up "right" will ultimately been seen to defy the Word of God if you read the
fine print.)
- You can put anything you want to do in a will. For those who have concerns about "adherent contracts" I would suggest that some study of various types of trusts is worthwhile, particularly the "constitutional" or "common law" forms. These, too, will of course be more and more difficult to use as the noose is tightened in preparation for the time when no one will be able to "buy or sell" sans the Mark. Ultimately, I believe wholeheartedly that the only solution is to "come out of her" and partake not of her coming plagues...and that this is something each of us must learn to do as head of our own houses. Again, more later.
- I think each wife should have her own kitchen if at all possible. This was a great element of family harmony. In the place that I was planning for our retirement, I had planned a third (outdoor, but under cover) "common kitchen" in a gathering area between two small houses.
- Likewise, my own preference eventually adapted to a separate bedroom for each, with myself as the husband who moved between them. (A friend once pointed out to me that this is evidently what worked for Jacob, who took his "couch" to each wife's tent.) If space permits, an office for each of us (including me
) -- or at least a desk -- is nice as well.
- It took me too long to deal with the family. This was a source of strife (and, to the extent that some are still double-minded or even duplicitous, remains so). Years ago, I made a promise to B that I would "never deny her as my wife", and I both honored that promise and found it to be a blessing. It is also almost impossible to do, or be perceived to have done, perfectly. (I recently told a staffer at a hotel that I would introduce him shortly to my wife, B, who was in our room at the time. When I later used only her name, as opposed to saying "my
wife, B", I fell short. The warning, here, I contend, is not about a specific problem - it is that we must NEVER underestimate the Adversary or his desire to "kill and destroy" our families.
- I learned to tell co-workers and friends about our relationship, and it got far easier over time, guys. It is a very different thing to tell people who profess to be "believers" from those who profess "open-mindedness"; both can be hypocrites, and both can be accepting given the proper approach. In general, I simply ask (if I do not already know) whether someone believes what the Bible says (ESPECIALLY if they claim to!) and then make it clear that my response depends on that answer. (With professing Bible-believers, at least those who believe that "iron sharpens iron", I often make it a
challenge. With a straight face, I can honestly claim that I will PROVE from Scripture what God clearly says about His plan for marriage, which includes polygyny.)
- In general, however, I take the position that I will neither advertise NOR deny my marriages, and say so. (In a legal setting, I am careful to avoid "terms of art" like "wife" or even "common law wife"; English words like "helpmeet" or "Covenant" are less problematic, and even Hebrew or Greek may sometimes be appropriate. You do NOT want to "volunteer" into a system that Caesar claims control over.) B, on the other hand, has never been comfortable telling her co-workers, or introducing me as her husband. This, too, can be a difficult path to walk; the only answer I know is to do so prayerfully, continually.
- We celebrate the Biblical feasts, and have increasingly learned to avoid the pagan ones (especially Easter, of course; Christmas is obviously the most difficult, given most of our histories and the pervasive nature of the season. The irony of a pagan holiday becoming religious, and then reverting to secular paganism is a good basis for discussion in many cases, however.
) Supportive or not, our families are aware of this by now.
- I do not consider divorce or separation to be a permanent option. The trying of our faith works patience, and we must learn to "wait on the Lord".
More later.
