Role of first wife

[Debra]

I have been married to my husband for 18 years, together for 20. We are both Christians, and want to do what is right for us, biblically. We have been pondering and talking about taking a second wife for some time. I have so many questions, my first one is this
What is role of the first wife? As first wife do I have more respect, priveleges or responsibilities that a second wife would not have?
I have learned alot from this website and thse discussions.

 

[Mark C]

Your husband will have a responsibility to cover both you and a second wife, Debra, and to handle the inevitable transition issues.

My own experience, however, suggests that the real problem is more likely to be the opposite of what you are most concerned about. The first wife, especially after many years, and in a city or town where both of you are known as a "couple", is the one that "the world" sees. It will be up to the head of house to ensure that a second wife is not overlooked, since the tendency of many people, whether in business, among existing friends, or in myriads of oppressive paperwork and records, is to treat the new person as an interloper.

Yes, it is very important that there be respect for all concerned. But it is also most helpful if the first wife can remember and understand that, all too often in a society which ignores what the Bible says anyway, a second wife is even MORE ignored.

There are very real blessings for understanding what God has for us to know, and teach, about marriage. But He never promised that it would be easy.


Love in Him,

Mark

 

[sweetlissa]

Mark,

That was beautifully put. As a second wife, I have encountered that problem, although not as much as some. Shortly after we became a family, we moved to a new state where no one knew us. But not everyone will be so fortunate, so it is nice for a husband (rather than a second wife) to mention this transitional thing. Every second wife I know has had these same issues, especially when there is a longstanding marriage already in existence.

Thanks for posting Mark. And Debra, thank you for asking the question and for being part of our group.

Sweet Lissa

 

[Mark C]

Thanks, Lissa. That has always been Bernadette's main issue as well. Sometimes it can be very difficult to do enough.


Blessings in Him,

Mark

 

[sweetlissa]

Mark and anyone who is paying attention:

The real trick is for every one to care more about what God wants than anything else. It is so hard that I can't even really do it a fraction of the time, but I do realize it is a goal and I do really try hard. Unfortunately, when I am caught up in being human it is very hard to bend to God's will. This is where the growth comes in. Everytime I submit to God's will in something despite my own wishes, I grow a little. Next time it comes up, it is a little easier to do.

This is for all members of a family, not just second wives. We have a huge task ahead of us. The goal is to become what God wants us to be, not what we want to be.

Take care Mark and know that you are loved.

Sweet Lissa

 

[Debra]

Thank you both for your thoughts. You are right this is not easy. It is going to be a huge change for our family and I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable or to get hurt. I realize that society doesn't accept this life choice. We live in a relatively small town and I know it is going to be difficult on the second wife. We will be staying here as we cannot financially pick up and move and we have strong family ties to the area. My sister wife will never be able to be acknowledged as our husbands wife in this town. How may that affect her, or hurt her? When it does get out how will it affect our whole family. My husband says he doesn't care what anybody thinks he only has to answer to One.
But we all know that there will be rough times and hurt to go along with the joys this will bring.

God Bless you both and thanks again.

 

[Mark C]

Been a rough day here. Thanks for the prayers and kind words.

Love in Him,

Mark