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Well I "came out" to my siblings. It didn't go so well. Their responses were full of emotions and lacked all rationality. Here is a small example. I told them in the beginning that the idea started with me, not Nathan but yet they are ready to hang him. My brother also accused me of insulting his intelligence and using "big words". He made it all about him. How would you respond to this emotional vomit?
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May the L-rd of all cover and protect you and your man.
May all the righteous acts and shelter and protection Nathan has given you be ever-present in your brother's mind.
May it be that after a time your brother will even become the defender of your family and the type of biblical family you have chosen to have.
No regrets, and as he wishes no contact. You'll be stronger after this.
Let G-d work on him and show him how ridiculous it is for him to be hurt by your choices in your own life.
I salute your bravery; we aren't quite there yet. Please don't forget to share with us when this smooths out.
Jennifer, it's more than he can handle right now. I agree with Steve, leave him alone. Lashing out at you seems to just be his way of saying, "I'm not prepared to deal with this."
It's his initial response and it's full of emotions. He really hasn't thought about it at all yet. I agree to leave him alone. He needs time to process everything, and if you contact him now you will just end up with the exact same response as above, possibly worse. Leave him be, he'll come to you when he's ready to talk.
I think the medium of communication hasn't helped then. For many reasons, largely down to their inherent brevity and lack of visual & auditory cues, text messages (and forum postings, Facebook etc) tend to result in misunderstandings, and then extreme reactions to those misunderstandings. I would advise stopping discussing it in this way (if that is possible), and waiting to speak about it in person whenever you see them next.
It's not urgent enough to get everyone upset about today, particularly while you don't have the in-person support of your husband to help you deal with the emotions of the situation. There's no likelihood of anything happening about it in the near future given your husband's present duties. It's just not urgent. Stop raising the issue, wait to talk to people in person, and I strongly suspect you'll have a far better result. It will probably be made more difficult by the fact that you've already introduced the topic this way, but that will still be the best way to progress from here.
A comment I'll add to all Samuel has said above is that, for the vast majority of people you will deal with, this subject is one where sound Bible study methods are cast aside and debate runs on pure emotion. My experience tells me that when you are dealing with family and friends it's best to have no expectation of things going well. That way, if there is a good result, you will be overjoyed; if it turns into just another emotional meltdown by the other person(s), it's not unexpected so you're not severely disappointed. Even people who can remain cool, calm and stable during other controversial doctrinal debates will go completely off the planet emotionally over plural marriage. Shalom
So when Paddy first left his Emerald Isle to travel to the New World he had to leave behind everything he loved and the thing he loved the most was his dear cat. Once he has established and could afford to do so he called home and was able to get his brother on the phone. "How's my cat?" asked Paddy. "Oh, I'm so sorry Paddy, you cat has died." His brother told him. Paddy, devastated with grief, demanded to know how his brother could have been so callous and cruel as to break the sad news to him without any warning. "The least you could have done was to tell me the cat was on the roof and won't come down. The next time I called you could have told me that the cat was dead and I would have been prepared!" "I'm so sorry," Paddy's brother told him and promised to be more sensitive in the future. Paddy forgave his brother and then asked him, "How's mother?" A brief pause ensued and then Paddy's brother solemnly replied, "Mother is on the roof and she won't come down...."
Jennifer, when I talked to our families about realising polygamy was not a sin, the conversations that went best, were in person. Even the bad ones were about confusion rather anger. I thought y'all were happy. Why does he need another wife? Everybody has had diffrent experiences when it came to the sharing part. We were blessed that everyone trusted our judgement, but then again they knew we didn't really care what they thought, what scripture shows is what's important to us. We were prepared for the worst and ready to cut ties with anyone in our family who got belegerient. It didn't come to that. I'm sorry your going through this, just weather the storm and give them time.
Take this for what it's worth, Jennifer, but (a) I applaud your bravery, (b) there is no perfect way to do any of this, (c) I wholeheartedly agree with @steve that the best course of action is to respect your twin brother's wishes that you not respond, but (d) I would, however, respond with a non-response. What I mean by that is that I would entirely refrain from further discussing polygamy, but despite his demand I would write back a message like this (in your own words, of course): "I know you're upset, I understand that, and I'm very thankful that you took the time to respond to me. As your twin sister, I will always love you, and I also know you will always love me. Please take whatever time you need to write back to me. Love, Jennifer." Literally, short and sweet.
Personally, I don't understand what people people getting so upset about that someone like your brother is so hurt! Im sure he has looked at more than one woman with desire or interest so why is he so quick to react.... I haven't even talked to my sisters about it but I know they dont approve.
What gets me is the fact it's not called out in the word by God or Jesus. Homosexuality for example is something families react strongly against, because its un natural and un biblical. So what is general society's issue, its because it's not the normal idea of marriage any more. A man is a slave to his wife and what she wants, she only wants him to be with one so he does it to please her. I realise that not every man wants poly, but I know more man would if they knew they could and not be outcast for it. However, I meet so many people that have the "if im not happy I'll leave" prospective, most from younger women.
Marriage, its not even defined in specific terms what it entails. The bible refers to "he took her as his wife" and in the law that a husband has to give his 2nd wife the same as his 1st. We know it's a commitment on the man's part for sure but nothing says how or what we have to do to be married to another. People like your twin brother here are upset because their idea of something is interpreted with another idea and they feel confused and thrown off. I know I was.
Do not be surprised by this. I saw the same thing with the headcovering issue and from the same cause. It is so against the ruling paradigm of wife rule that they assume it must be forced upon you by Nathan. They cannot fathom that a wife would embrace this, much less originate the idea. It all only makes sense to them if what happened is he's forced you to say that.
This probably isn't a conscious train of thought; more unconscious assumptions and reactions.
The interesting thing is that by addressing your husband about the families position, he is (probably unintentionally) acknowledging him as the head of the household.
