struggling with recovery

[lisarp03]

So I had a beautiful healthy baby boy a few weeks ago...and during my labor his heart would decelerate during contractions. This eventually led to a c-section as it looked like the baby was in distress, which he was, as we found out after the c-section the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck TWICE...I'm glad he was delivered safely and he is so beautiful, but I have been struggling with my recovery ever since. The pain is still there, but also I have yet to look at myself in the mirror. I know that a scar will remain, and I just feel like I'm just ugly now. I don't even know how big it will be or what it'll look like after healing. Even my husband has asked me over the phone (since he hasn't been home since the delivery) "How big is it?" has made me very self concious about it, because that makes me think he cares how big it is or what it looks like...as if he won't love me anymore if I have a scar. I remember when the dr told me it looks like I'll need a c-section, I was so disappointed. I knew it would be painful, it would be harder to recover from, it would leave a scar, and I may not be able to have natural vaginal births again. At that time all that mattered was the life of the baby, so I didn't cry over it too much...but now it seems thats all I do, even though I do love this little guy so much. I'm still in pain, and feel like a deformed monster. It'd probably make me feel better if hubby were here and told me I'm still beautiful, but him asking me how big it is, doesn't help...and leaves me worried about what he's gonna think about it. I'm not sure if this is normal following a c-section. Maybe it's a form of post partum depression. I don't know, but what I do know is that I don't know when I'll be able to look at myself in the mirror again.

 

[Taller on my knees]

Hello Lisa,
You may have always heard that men are visually oriented but not fully understood the complexity which that entails. As a man, i know that I too am visually oriented in many things. This is very true when I am trying to understand a problem that is being described over the phone. Our minds work better when we can visualize it. This incision has obviously caused you some distress and your husband's instinct will be to nullify that stress for you. Even though this is something that only time can take care of, it still puts us men into "problem solving" mode. I can't imagine that your husband would even care about a minor scar on your body knowing that it marks the fulfillment and fruit of your love for one another. Ten years ago (almost to the day), my wife and children were in a terrible car accident. Scars remain, but I was surprized at how quickly I found that I no longer even notice them. When I do notice them, I am reminded of the great blessing of God's Grace that I was given. I know that the physical pain of the wound and the emotional pain of not being able to be together are trying at best, but they do pass and make the times of joy even more joyous. We will gladly hold you and your family up in prayer that you may enjoy your blessings even in your hours of hardship. Blessing to you and yours.

-Will

 

[Isabella]

I think you should see your doctor about PPD. Most of the people I know who have had a c-section (unsurprisingly the slimmer women)have/had been too busy with baby and then exercise to obsess about the scar, you know, it is called a hairline scar for a reason, it is designed to fit the folds of your skin. I think this should be discussed with your Doctor.

B

 

[lisarp03]

Thanks Will. That is most comforting and prayers are most appreciated.

Isabella, I have not taken this c-section well at all. My mom has helped me mostly with the baby and my 2 year old. I can barely take care of myself. I can hardly walk. I can't even hold my 2 year old. I have fallen down on the ground just screaming and crying at times. The fact that I have so much pain might leave my mind dwelling on how this incision will affect my body after it finally heals...

 

[Isabella]

No, of course not, it is major surgery and you have to take it easy. It may e difficult if you are used to being self sufficient. I have a real problem with people pushing C- Sections as if it is a pain relief option instead of an emergency procedure. If you had any other kind of surgery would you have expected to be pain free almost immediately? No! So give yourself a break, concentrate on yourself and your baby, tell your family that you need more support and see your doctor.

Good Luck,

Bels
xx

 

[itainteasy]

Hello,

I am very sad for you that you are having such a hard time! I understand something about what you must be feeling. I am so glad you have your mom to help you. I think support and company and commiserating are so important for recovery from anything, especially a traumatic life event like an emergency c-section can be. I want you to know that this may be a bit silly but lots of famous beautiful people have c-section scars! They are still famous and beautiful after the c-section (and even wear bikinis! Not that I'm advocating Hollywood or bikins!) Anyway, I think Isabella's advice is not bad. There are lots of places resources for ladies who have had traumatic c-sections:

http://www.ican-online.org/ <--go here and maybe there is someone local to you, like a group or another lady who went through a similar thing. Even talking on the phone with someone like that helps. About the pain, maybe try to make sure with doctor that it hasn't gone on too long now. God bless you and your new boy!

 

[Taller on my knees]

Oops!
Sorry about that ladies. I didn't notice that this was posted in the "ladies only" section. I just saw it on the top of the "active topics" list and didn't pay any attention to the root directory. Not that I didn't mean what I said in my post, but I will try to be more cautious about where I stick my nose next time. Again, blessings to you Lisa and to all you ladies. Surely, God is working in lives that you my never know through your dedication to one another and His family.

 

[julieb]

LIsa,
I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all of this. I certainly agree that a visit to the doctor to gain some more insight would be good. I would like to encourage you to also take a deep breath and ask the Lord what you are to "see" about this moment in your life. What is God saying to you at this time of being greatly disappointed with how life went? Be still and listen to His still small voice...if only to hear him say that everything is going to be okay and He's gotcha.

My prayers are with you and the family.

 

[Tinkerbell08]

I've read that c-sections can take up to 8 weeks to recover from. Thank God your mom is there to help you. I would need my family's help if I was in your place, too. As was mentioned earlier, you should see your doctor about PPD and take it easy! I also had a hard time getting my act together after my son was born (he's 3 now), but I found out that if I just took a shower, got cleaned up (brush my hair, maybe put a little makeup on), I felt better.

By the way, I saw your picture and you are pretty, and the little one in the picture with you is quite a cutie! Yes, you got a compliment from another lady Hang in there! My prayers are with you.....