• Biblical Families is not a dating website. It is a forum to discuss issues relating to marriage and the Bible, and to offer guidance and support, not to find a wife. Click here for more information.

Telling the family?

redfox

redfox

Member
My family is coming for a visit in a few weeks. I have not told them, although they know that we have a girl living with us, and more recently know that she has a baby. I'm guessing they're probably putting 2 and 2 together, or are pretty close to it...

They'll be up here for a week. The question is, should I tell them ahead of time? Should I wait until they're here? I have no idea how they're going to react. My family has always been fairly supportive, and aren't the type to disown anyone, so I don't think they'll completely freak out... but at the same time, they're probably going to be wondering what on earth is wrong with me...

Fwiw, the women in my family (who are the ones coming, my mom and my grandma), are the ones who are "in charge" so to speak. With them, men are to be seen and not heard or listened to. My grandpa is content to just putter in his garden all day and avoid my grandma. My mom and stepdad are better, but my mom still has the 50/50 idea that men and women should be exactly equal, and thinks it's just awful that my husband never watches the kids (which isn't true, he just doesn't watch them whenever I get the idea to go somewhere just because I want to). So, considering that him being a man, they've already got a lowered opinion of him, I have a feeling this could make them think even worse of him. I know they don't have any understanding of regular marriage from a biblical perspective (man is the head of the house and so forth), so I know that they're not going to understand this from that perspective.

Anyway, I guess I'm just not sure how best to handle it. So far, hubby's mom knows and has been dealing with it reasonably well, sw's mom knows and seems fine with it, so now we just need to tell my mom and grandma.
 
From personal experience, I think it would be far wiser to tell them ahead of time. This will at least diffuse the situation somewhat. They may not be putting two and two together the way you think they are, and the shock of it all could be very difficult on you and your whole family.

There just isn't an easy way to tell the family, unfortunately.
 
I had to bring it up to my mother several times before she was able to listen to WHY I believed that Plural marriage is biblical.

Since your family doesn't seem to understand biblical marriage at all I would pray about how to broach the subject with them but I too would tell them ahead of time. You could possible say something like...

" Mom I need to talk to you and I need you to hear all I have to say before you give me your feedback." then proceed with something like...."(hubby) and I believe in biblical marriage, and because of that we have been living in a plural marriage with (sw) for (xxyrs/months) and her baby is (hubby's). She is my SisterWife and We are happy, we love our life and we ask that you support us even if you don't quite understand it."

I hope this can give you an Idea of how you might approach this with your mom and grandma. I know with my grandma we won't be able to tell her about a sw because she has decided that polygny is a sin.

I'll be praying for you!
 
The thing is, I'm not sure what their level of theology is. They go to church, mostly because that's what you do. They've never been as involved to the level that hubby and I were for many years, and sometimes when I broach theological topics,they have no idea what I'm talking about. Then again, I've been blessed to have some incredibly good theologians as teachers over the years, so my understanding of certain topics is better than most people who just go on Sunday and don't think about it the rest of the week.

So, I can bring up biblical marriage, and they might or might not have an idea what I'm talking about. They're both very feminist without even realizing just how bad they are about it. So I don't know if they'd even attempt to argue anything like poly being wrong, or any of that.

Lol, I'm half tempted to send them a copy of Sisterwives and say something like "here's what our family is starting to look like" ;)
 
I would tell them up front. As far as them not knowing what true biblical marriage is, that is something you could help them see once they are there. I never knew what the true meaning was until I met my husband. I was brought up in the church that marriage was one woman and one man. After talking to my husband and actually dipping into the scripture I realized that is the very opposite to what I had been brought up.

The other thing is, what are your plans if they just flip out? You need to know what it is you could see in the scenario. I am not living in a pleural marriage but at the same time I was upfront with my family the moment my husband told me about this, and we were just weeks into our relationship.

I hope over all this works out for you and your family. Pray that God gives you strength to get through whatever gets thrown at you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayer.
 
Hubs decided he'd rather wait. I'd rather deal with it on the phone first rather than face to face... but that's me :) We are going to talk though about how to deal with it if they bring it up.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top