The Marriage Market: Physical Appearance VS Finances

[Doc]

I am starting a series of singles topics called The Marriage Market. In these topics, I would like to explore what factors make individuals 'marriage material'.

In this first topic, how much weight do YOU give to physical appearance over finances, or vice versa? I would like to hear perspectives from both men and women regarding this issue.

Here is an online article to stimulate conversation: http://www.voxeu.org/index.php?q=node/6444 Attracting a spouse: The trade-off between earnings and physical appearance

Blessings,

Doc

 

[Dr. K.R. Allen]

The answer to that is not a surface level issue but a deeper heart level issue.

For example, someone's natural physical appearance can say a lot about their heart. By that I am not talking about mere looks. I am referring to physical health. Does a person exercise and take care of their body or are they grossly overweight and out of shape? People who are good stewards of God's gift of their physical body will try to keep themselves in decent physical shape. Those who don't care about this sphere of their life are often those who reveal by that they are not walking in overall step with the Spirit in regard to the fruit of the Spirit of self-discipline.

Thus if a man or woman is a poor steward of the body it might indicate deeper spiritual problems.

In regard to finances the same can apply. If a person is a terrible manager of finances that can often mean they are immature in the areas of self-discipline too. Maybe they are greedy and selfish and they spend too much on themselves. Or maybe they are lazy and will not work.

Thus, if a man or woman is a poor steward of the resources the Lord gives to them it might indeed indicate deeper spiritual problems.

Of course, there are exceptions to the rule but it is never honest to build a norm off an exception. Someone who is injured and cannot exercise or take care of their body is different than someone who does not have an injury but is just too lazy to care for their bodies. Likewise, someone whose lost a job and is simply on hard times by providence is different than someone who will not work or save or plan wisely. Dr. Marvin Olasky has noted in his work, The Tragedy of American Compassion, the difference has historically been termed the "worthy poor and the unworthy poor." The worthy are those who are in the circumstance by mere providence. The unworthy poor are those who are in the circumstance by poor choices and they have no desire to work to get out of it.

These issues are then sometimes indicators of the heart and the person's maturity as well their understanding of their duty before God to manage the gifts he gives unto them. The parable of the wise and unwise steward is applicable in these issues.

So to be specific, I am not so much about the mere appearance as I am the underlying heart issues that make up the appearance. Dress styles would be the same too. Some people like to dress a certain way because it expresses something of the heart. Does it reflect anger, rebellion, a selfish it's all about sex or them idea, etc, etc. The clothes are not the issue and modesty is all that is biblically required. But the style can say much about the heart and thus a person needs to get know a person before any judgment is made on any of these issues to see what is going on in the heart of the person.

 

[Scarecrow]

Some time ago I saw a program where they tested this. A small guy was given the best education, job and income on his profile, and the statistics changed - the taller the man the less he had to offer financially. The smaller guy was not picked by any of the females given the different males to chose from, and most of the women chose the taller and more handsome man. I expected money to be more of a factor than it was. When the women were interviewed they were more concerned about having taller and better looking kids than a better financial situation.

 

[porkchop]

What I'd look for now is different from what I looked for when I was younger (but not that much). When I was young I looked for 'potential'. I had a good idea of what I wanted my life to be so I looked for someone I thought would provide that. I wanted someone with earning potential. Since I was just out of high school I looked for someone with a successful family with a high emphasis on education and career. I also wanted a person who was fun to be with and liked adventure.

I found a pretty good mix of that; a successful family usually encourages successful kids, and they are all highly adventurous, good looking and employable. My family always struggled financially after my dad left so I wanted to do my best not to have to live like that ever again.

Now at middle age I'd be much more focused on financial stability, a stable family (no ex-wives and grown kids fighting over who is getting what), confidence and fun loving kindness.

Good looking never hurts anyone but I've never been much of a 'run after your heart' kind of person anyway. Guess I never had a chance to develop that side of my personality. I've pretty much always been focused on survival.

 

[Maddog]

"Favor is deceitful and (outward)beauty is vain but the woman that fears the Lord, she shall be praised." -Solomon. As now a middle-aged man, my views have changed since I was in my teens. I have learned the hard way that outward beauty is skin deep but ugly goes all the way to the bone. Ugly is as ugly does- lying, cheating, hating, cursing, stealing, killing, coveting, manipulating, misrepresenting, abusing. But the Grace of God says, "...and such were some of you!" But now you are washed (Praise God!) and set aside for His purposes. I have often told audiences that God looks for repentance not perfection, that your nose is pointed in the right direction even though we get stomping around in the mud sometimes. "Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith..."
Beauty. Is a diamond with carbon inclusions or flaws or clarity not a diamond? The diamonds that make a lasting impact on the world are not found on fingers but embedded in a diamond wheel or stone or paper used by a master craftsman to create beauty in lesser items. Beauty is measured by the impact or rubbing someone has with the others around us, is seen in the results, is heard in the voice of childrens' "mommy" or "daddy" cry, is felt in the heart for someone now gone on but the memory lives fondly in phrases like, "Peace I leave with you..." A song writer I think has it correct when he begins the stanza, "Beautiful Savior..."
What does a man or woman bring to the marriage market? Indwelt beauty I hope, not appearance.

Maddog