First off I know there will be a lot of strong feelings caused by this post. Please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental of anyone else here. I am trying to seek direction and follow the commands of my Lord and Savior in all things. I have recently gotten to know a woman who is a divorcee. She would be interested in a relationship and to be honest she checks all the boxes I have and then some. We get along wonderfully and a relationship would just feel natural if I took things in that direction with her. That is the event that triggered my latest dive into the topic of divorce and remarrying. I am not just trying to gain a 100% conviction on that point but more to gain the whole picture. I have studied this in-depth in the past and definitely understand much of it but this situation has challenged me to examine that I am not in error.
First I think it is important to understand the difference and appending changes that were made by Jesus in the way divorce would work going forward for the church vs how they worked before his coming.
This passage from Deuteronomy clearly allows the man to divorce his wife by simply handing her a certificate of divorce and sending her back to her father's house. In this case, it would also seem from the second half of the passage that there would be nothing preventing her from remarrying to another. If she were to marry another the original husband would forever and always become off-limits to her. The sin cited at the end of this passage clearly seems to be the remarrying of the original spouse after having another marriage commitment.
So now let's look at the revolution Jesus provided about the heart of Father God on this topic.
Here Jesus and the Pharisees are clearly referring to the previously discussed passage in Deuteronomy. One thing that has always struck me as interesting here is that Jesus calls this out as not God allowing for divorce but "Moses allowed you to divorce your wives". Right after saying this he clearly states that "from the beginning it was not so". This would indicate that God had always had a heart opposed to what was written in the old testament law. To my knowledge, this is the only place in the bible where that sort of thing is called out and this is one of the most misapplied facts that I have heard when people argue against polygyny misguidedly grouping divorce and polygyny together so that they can somehow conflate them both as against the will of Father God.
What I see this passage as saying is that the old law on this specific issue did not capture the heart of Father God just in the same way that the law of the Pharisees didn't. Jesus then goes on to clarify Father's clear intentions on this issue "And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” This would indicate if you divorce on any grounds other than sexual immorality and marry again you have committed adultery. Jesus also talks about this more in-depth in the next passage.
In this passage, we see that if no adultery was present and a man divorced his wife he causes her to commit adultery. We also see that this is not the case when adultery has entered the picture as there is no reference to the woman committing further adultery by the divorce. In this case, there was no mention of remarriage or anything other than the divorce that caused the adultery to occur. No mention is made of the man being found in adultery. No mention is made about if he can remarry.
The first question I have that I really don't have the linguistics skills to answer is that of the context of the last part of that passage. "and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." Is this talking about the woman divorced outside the grounds of sexual immortality or is this encompassing every woman who has ever been in divorce regardless of the reasons and biblical morality of that divorce? It seems from the context and the bit of diving into the wording of the old languages around this issue hard for me to have a strong leaning either way. In most cases, I would not need to solidify this quite so strongly for myself as I have many other biblical studies that would be of immediate value to me and my house. Since I am faced with an instance of potential marriage however I am earnestly trying to understand this. I acknowledge that there is grace for me if I somehow misstep but I just don't want to misstep in the first place.
To be very clear I am not searching through this with a heart of self-justification or legalistically attempting to lawyer perceived guilt away. I am seeking to know if what I am considering is allowable or if it is something I should flee temptation on. Discussion welcome.
First I think it is important to understand the difference and appending changes that were made by Jesus in the way divorce would work going forward for the church vs how they worked before his coming.
Deuteronomy 24:1-4 ESV
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man's wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.This passage from Deuteronomy clearly allows the man to divorce his wife by simply handing her a certificate of divorce and sending her back to her father's house. In this case, it would also seem from the second half of the passage that there would be nothing preventing her from remarrying to another. If she were to marry another the original husband would forever and always become off-limits to her. The sin cited at the end of this passage clearly seems to be the remarrying of the original spouse after having another marriage commitment.
So now let's look at the revolution Jesus provided about the heart of Father God on this topic.
Matthew 19:3-9 ESV
And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”Here Jesus and the Pharisees are clearly referring to the previously discussed passage in Deuteronomy. One thing that has always struck me as interesting here is that Jesus calls this out as not God allowing for divorce but "Moses allowed you to divorce your wives". Right after saying this he clearly states that "from the beginning it was not so". This would indicate that God had always had a heart opposed to what was written in the old testament law. To my knowledge, this is the only place in the bible where that sort of thing is called out and this is one of the most misapplied facts that I have heard when people argue against polygyny misguidedly grouping divorce and polygyny together so that they can somehow conflate them both as against the will of Father God.
What I see this passage as saying is that the old law on this specific issue did not capture the heart of Father God just in the same way that the law of the Pharisees didn't. Jesus then goes on to clarify Father's clear intentions on this issue "And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” This would indicate if you divorce on any grounds other than sexual immorality and marry again you have committed adultery. Jesus also talks about this more in-depth in the next passage.
Matthew 5:31-32 ESV
“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.In this passage, we see that if no adultery was present and a man divorced his wife he causes her to commit adultery. We also see that this is not the case when adultery has entered the picture as there is no reference to the woman committing further adultery by the divorce. In this case, there was no mention of remarriage or anything other than the divorce that caused the adultery to occur. No mention is made of the man being found in adultery. No mention is made about if he can remarry.
The first question I have that I really don't have the linguistics skills to answer is that of the context of the last part of that passage. "and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." Is this talking about the woman divorced outside the grounds of sexual immortality or is this encompassing every woman who has ever been in divorce regardless of the reasons and biblical morality of that divorce? It seems from the context and the bit of diving into the wording of the old languages around this issue hard for me to have a strong leaning either way. In most cases, I would not need to solidify this quite so strongly for myself as I have many other biblical studies that would be of immediate value to me and my house. Since I am faced with an instance of potential marriage however I am earnestly trying to understand this. I acknowledge that there is grace for me if I somehow misstep but I just don't want to misstep in the first place.
To be very clear I am not searching through this with a heart of self-justification or legalistically attempting to lawyer perceived guilt away. I am seeking to know if what I am considering is allowable or if it is something I should flee temptation on. Discussion welcome.
