By Tyler & Tyler Posts & Publications 9/10/20
Biblical Christian polygyny can be a lonely walk at times. For this old polygynist it came in seasons and in waves. I was attending BIOLA and the textbook of the Missions class was by Christian Anthropologist Eugene A Nida's (American Bible Society) “Customs and Cultures”. He showed the Christian solution to mission field problems like topless women in Africa and polygyny in the Third World. It really opened my eyes and made the principles of Romans 14 very real and necessary for dealing with such controversial issues. He showed how the African church leaders required their godly women to be topless in church and in the community because in that community only prostitutes covered their breasts. So when European men were present in the church, the women met else where for the sake of the European men. He showed the various ways the Christian church dealt with Christian converts who were polygynists when they were converted to Christ, in keeping with 1 Corinthians 7:17-27 and Romans 14. That was when the polygyny genie was out of his jar in my life.
In my first marriage the polygyny issue came up when we discussed how my wife missed some of her old girl friends, but the marriage fell apart before anything like that could develop. But now the poly genie began to make my life very complicated. My wonderful and amazing first wife claimed to be a disciple of Christ converted from Catholicism, and I also claimed to be a disciple of Christ and my head was clear enough to understand how Romans 7:1-3; 1 Corinthians 7:1-11,39 and Mark 10:1-12 indicated that if we were trully disciples of Christ, then even though we were divorced, we were still one flesh bound to each other by the Law of Christ in the Kingdom of God.
Well after the divorce my departed first wife did not want to reconcile with me, and I had to deal with the fact that even though divorced in the kingdom of people, I was not unbound and free from being bound to my departed wife.
I had come to realize that I was under God's command to marry according to the Word in 1 Corinthians 7:1-9. It did not take long for me to realize that anyone I married would have to marry me with the understanding that if my first wife was really saved when we were married, then I would be under obligation to accept her back as wife and be a polygynist with her and my new wife. This made dating a difficult challenge. Most American women do not want to marry a man and share that man with another woman in polygyny, but that slowed me down just a little since I was accustomed to dating more than one lady at a time. No loneliness yet, but then there was Lady B who felt free to marry even though she was just 19 while I was 29.
For me to maritally repudiate and reject my first wife and then marry Lady B would have been adultery (Matt 5 & 19; Mark 10; Luke 16; Rom 7; 1 Corinthians 7). So when Lady B and I got to the place where we were considering marriage, I told her that the only way I could marry her is if she were to accept my belief that I was still maritally bound to Lady L in the Kingdom of God, and that if Lady B married me, and Lady L returned to me seeking marital reconciliation (1 Cor 7:10,11,39; 2 Cor 2 & 7), I would have to maritally reunite with her, making Lady L, Lady B and me polygynists. Lady B thought about it for a while, and finally said she didn't think Lady L would ever want to reunite with me, so she was willing to take the risk and marry me with the possibility of such a serious risk and serious complications like Biblical Christian polygyny.
Years passed and we had two children and Lady L never reappeared. But then I had a problem with some Old Testament Scriptures. I didn't have a good understanding of Acts 15, Colossians 2, Ephesians 2; Exodus 22:16-17'; and Deuteronomy 22:28,29; Proverbs 5:15-20 and Ezekiel 23:1-25 so when I was helping a temporarily disabled sister to get safely home, I inadvertently often pressed her breasts trying to keep her from falling while trying to get to walk to her house without falling. I was sincere but young and foolish and believed I had come under Exodus 22 and Deut 22 commands to marry. So later I asked her if she wanted to join my family and she said “Yes!” Broke Lady B's heart but she stayed with me and was kind to Lady S. But Lady S saw how hurt and sad Lady B was so she opted out of the family after several weeks. Polygyny had begun to make me lonely because of the reaction of the Christians around who knew what had happened, but when Lady S left they felt sorry for Lady B and accpted me back into fellowship for the sake of Lady B.
After ten years of marriage I got stupid and began to unintentionally break Lady B's heart by being sarcastic and unkind when in conflict. After 15 years and three chidren she left me taking two of the children. Got real lonely then, but even though Lady L died tragically ending my relationship with her, I was now still maritally bound in the Kingdom of God to Lady B who was long gone with two of our kids. The loneliness began to set in because who would want to marry a man who was still maritly bound to his departed ex-wife and had 3 kids, though only one was with me.
During a wonderful divorce recovery group series I met wonderful
D and fell madly in love with her. I committed to each other maritally.
Then she put me in a situation where I had to choose between being with
her or being with my AfroAm-EuroAm daughters for Thanksgiving and
Christmas, because her dad was a racist bigot. I chose my daughters
and we broke up and reconciled two very painful times. I couldn’t do it again.
I felt that I was on the verge of either mental illness or a nervous breakdown. I was fleeing from what I thought could destroy me, my grief over having to choose between a woman I loved with all of my being, and my beloved daughters who mean more to me than my life. She was trying to force me to choose between her and them and the struggle was more than I could bear ---- so I fled. I called out to Jesus because I was so incredibly horny I knew I was under His 1 Cor. 7:1,2,3,5,9 commands to marry and I had just fled from the woman I thought He wanted me to marry. I called out to Him and told Him I had failed miserably choosing my own lovers and wives, that I wanted and needed to obey His command to marry, that I would marry whoever He chose and I asked Him to bring us together. The year was 1990.
Weeks later, while at my easy and comfortable teaching job, I found myself with nothing really important to do that day and found myself under compulsion to call the district office to see if they needed a substitute teacher anywhere. My supervisor and peers thought I should stay and have an easy day, but I couldn't rest until they called to see if a sub was needed somewhere.
Finally they gave in, called and found that just then a school in the ghetto was in desperate need of a substitute since the regular teacher couldn't finish the day. I landed up being there for three days. In another class there open shouting, insulting and reviling had broken out between the teacher, the students and the parents. They let the teacher go, and asked me to take her class for the rest of the year. I accepted. These events were not by luck or accident, but were being worked by Him who works all according to the counsel of His own will (Eph 1:11).
A couple of weeks later it was time for my class to spend a week in the Science Lab. I took my class as scheduled and met the teacher of that class. I thought she was a pretty cute little Irish Canadian, tried to make conversation with her even though I knew she wasn't my type, and found her to be totally uninterested. I learned later that she thought I was a fat, bald and old man who wore polyester priest pants (she was raised Catholic). Since she didn't respond, I figured I had done my duty of wife hunting for the day and went on about my business. Sometime later that period I passed by her desk again while supervising my class and she asked me where I had taught. I told her I had been teaching at Christian schools. She had been recently born again and was open to dating Christian men, few and far between though they be, so she opened a conversation with me. I invited her to go to church with me because I found that a good way to weed out the unacceptable marital prospects.
Knowing I was under God's command to marry- - - -
***1 Cor 7: 1* ¶ But concerning the things of which ye have written to me: It is good for a man not to continue -keep on - touching a woman; 2 but because of and to avoid sexual immorality each man should be [sexually] having his own woman, and each woman should be [sexually] having her own man. . . . 8To the unmarried and the bereft women I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 9 But if they do not continue to have self-restraint [keep on abstaining from sex sin], they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with desire.
- - - - - - so I knew that since He knew I had determined to obey His command the ball was i His court and it was His responsibility (Phil 4:19) to provide the woman for me to marry, on His terms and in His time, no matter if she was blind, deaf, crippled, bald, toothless,flat footed, and disabled or handicapped. So seeing that He provided for the sparrows (Mat 6), that sparrows were busy going all over looking for God's provision, that God didn't feed grown sparrows that just sat in their nests with their mouth open and up, I determined to be a good "sparrow" and go around looking for His provision, a godly Christian woman who would marry me. As I planned my sparrowing, I realized that I knew three Christian women who were single and friendly to me. So I called the three and set up dates, Wednesday dinner with La Mexicana teacher, Friday night walking the surf with the nurse and Sunday church with Lady R.
Wednesday I told La Mexicana that I was looking for a wife, not just dating, and would she consider marrying me. She told me she had already given her heart to another, but thanked me for thinking of her and gave me a kiss that almost launched me out of my shoes there in the parking lot. Door one was closed. The nurse called me Thursday and told me she had to work Friday and Saturday and couldn't do the surf walk with me at the beach. Door two was closed. That left R and me for church Sunday.
She and her daughter met me at church that Sunday and we enjoyed the service together. We began to talk frequently on the phone. I decided to do my best to discourage her by telling her all my problems, that I was searching in my horniness for my Rebekah at the well who would become my wife, that my mother was into seances, Ouija board, astrology, reincarnation; than my brother was a practicing New Age sorcerer/channeler with his own personal demon ("spirit guide"), about my sister's outrageous conduct, and my three AfroAm-IndiAm-EuroAm daughters. After two weeks of going to church with me and hearing my testimonies and all about my crazy and complicated family members, she decided she would give me the Dear John "Thanks, but no thanks" deal the following Sunday after church.
So we met at church again and were enjoying the praise and worship. She was planning on how to break the word to me after church, but had really got into the service. As we stood to praise and worship, she had put her hands on the back of the seat in front of her. I affectionately reached over and put my hand gently on her hand, and noticed an emotional reaction. I didn't find out til after the service, but when I put my hand on her hand her whole body felt like it had been electrically shocked, her body hair stood up and she got goose bumps and heard a strong and powerful voice tell her, "You chose your first husband. This is the husband I have chosen for you." Her mouth dropped open in wonder and amazement. I thought she was just deeply moved by the worship.
After service I walked her out to her car. Just before she stepped off of the curb to get into her car, she turned to me and said, "I'll be your Rebekah. I'll be your wife." I was dumbfounded and amazed, mouth hanging open in shocked surprise. We hadn't even known each other and been dating for more than a month. She was tickled with my response and drove off with a big
smile on her face. I felt I had stepped into a time warp. The world seemed muted, distant and in a haze. In this trance like state of shock, amazement and wonder I finally found my way back to my car, sat down and tried to understand the meaning of what had just happened.
We were engaged a month later after a very unusual exchange in the parking lot outside the restaurant in a Fashion Valley parking lot. We were discussing becomng engaged in the restaurant. After we finished eating I told her that there was one more obstacle to our becoming engaged. I told her that since I was a genuine Jesus believer, and if Lady D was a genuine Jesus believer, that I was maritally bound to her for life, until death ends our marital bond (Mark 10:1-12; Rom 7:1-3; 1 Cor 7:10,11,39). I told her that if Lady D was genuinely saved it would be adultery for me to maritally repudiate her to marry her (Mat 5:32; 19:1-19; Mark 10:1-12). I knew that polygyny (one man with more than one wife informally, unofficially, privately and discretely) was not sin and was legislated by Jehovah-Jesus in Ex 21:7-11; and Deut 21:15-17. I knew that God never portrays Himself as sin or as a sinner and that God can't sin, so when He described Himself as having two wives in Ezek 23, I knew He did not consider polygyny to be sin. I knew that USA state and federal laws (Rom 13) allowed a man to practice polygyny as long as he did it informally, unofficially, privately and discretely, as in Rom 14:20-23. Lady D agreed to let me formally and officially divorce her since she didn't want to be married to me anymore, and I was careful to make it clear to Lady D that the divorce in no way ended or voided our marital covenant. If she ever wanted to be my wife again I would readily accept her back, but she would have to share me with Lady R. I told Lady R the only way we could marry was if I was careful not to maritally repudiate my marital bond with Lady D, and that I would have to accept Lady D back maritally if she ever wanted to be reconciled and reunited with me -- in polygyny.
Lady R said she had to think about it, so she did so in complete silence for five minutes in my arms. It was a beautiful clear and moon lit night, but those were very tense five minutes. Finally she told me she would marry me anyway, because she was quite sure Lady D would never want to be my wife again. We became formally engaged. We had a glorious courtship and wedding.
Five years after Lady R and I married, I turned Lady R's son in for juvenile probation violation, and I wasn't earning enough money in her eyes, so she told me to move out until I got my act together. I realized I was still maritally bound to her since we were both genuine believers in Jesus Christ (1Cor7:1,2,10,11,39; Mark 10:1-12). I knew I would be tempted sexually according to 1 Cor 7:5 and I saw no hope of reconciliation so I knew I would probably have to find a polygynous mate, one who would understand my marital obligation to Lady R.
Biblical Christian polygyny can be a lonely walk at times. For this old polygynist it came in seasons and in waves. I was attending BIOLA and the textbook of the Missions class was by Christian Anthropologist Eugene A Nida's (American Bible Society) “Customs and Cultures”. He showed the Christian solution to mission field problems like topless women in Africa and polygyny in the Third World. It really opened my eyes and made the principles of Romans 14 very real and necessary for dealing with such controversial issues. He showed how the African church leaders required their godly women to be topless in church and in the community because in that community only prostitutes covered their breasts. So when European men were present in the church, the women met else where for the sake of the European men. He showed the various ways the Christian church dealt with Christian converts who were polygynists when they were converted to Christ, in keeping with 1 Corinthians 7:17-27 and Romans 14. That was when the polygyny genie was out of his jar in my life.
In my first marriage the polygyny issue came up when we discussed how my wife missed some of her old girl friends, but the marriage fell apart before anything like that could develop. But now the poly genie began to make my life very complicated. My wonderful and amazing first wife claimed to be a disciple of Christ converted from Catholicism, and I also claimed to be a disciple of Christ and my head was clear enough to understand how Romans 7:1-3; 1 Corinthians 7:1-11,39 and Mark 10:1-12 indicated that if we were trully disciples of Christ, then even though we were divorced, we were still one flesh bound to each other by the Law of Christ in the Kingdom of God.
Well after the divorce my departed first wife did not want to reconcile with me, and I had to deal with the fact that even though divorced in the kingdom of people, I was not unbound and free from being bound to my departed wife.
I had come to realize that I was under God's command to marry according to the Word in 1 Corinthians 7:1-9. It did not take long for me to realize that anyone I married would have to marry me with the understanding that if my first wife was really saved when we were married, then I would be under obligation to accept her back as wife and be a polygynist with her and my new wife. This made dating a difficult challenge. Most American women do not want to marry a man and share that man with another woman in polygyny, but that slowed me down just a little since I was accustomed to dating more than one lady at a time. No loneliness yet, but then there was Lady B who felt free to marry even though she was just 19 while I was 29.
For me to maritally repudiate and reject my first wife and then marry Lady B would have been adultery (Matt 5 & 19; Mark 10; Luke 16; Rom 7; 1 Corinthians 7). So when Lady B and I got to the place where we were considering marriage, I told her that the only way I could marry her is if she were to accept my belief that I was still maritally bound to Lady L in the Kingdom of God, and that if Lady B married me, and Lady L returned to me seeking marital reconciliation (1 Cor 7:10,11,39; 2 Cor 2 & 7), I would have to maritally reunite with her, making Lady L, Lady B and me polygynists. Lady B thought about it for a while, and finally said she didn't think Lady L would ever want to reunite with me, so she was willing to take the risk and marry me with the possibility of such a serious risk and serious complications like Biblical Christian polygyny.
Years passed and we had two children and Lady L never reappeared. But then I had a problem with some Old Testament Scriptures. I didn't have a good understanding of Acts 15, Colossians 2, Ephesians 2; Exodus 22:16-17'; and Deuteronomy 22:28,29; Proverbs 5:15-20 and Ezekiel 23:1-25 so when I was helping a temporarily disabled sister to get safely home, I inadvertently often pressed her breasts trying to keep her from falling while trying to get to walk to her house without falling. I was sincere but young and foolish and believed I had come under Exodus 22 and Deut 22 commands to marry. So later I asked her if she wanted to join my family and she said “Yes!” Broke Lady B's heart but she stayed with me and was kind to Lady S. But Lady S saw how hurt and sad Lady B was so she opted out of the family after several weeks. Polygyny had begun to make me lonely because of the reaction of the Christians around who knew what had happened, but when Lady S left they felt sorry for Lady B and accpted me back into fellowship for the sake of Lady B.
After ten years of marriage I got stupid and began to unintentionally break Lady B's heart by being sarcastic and unkind when in conflict. After 15 years and three chidren she left me taking two of the children. Got real lonely then, but even though Lady L died tragically ending my relationship with her, I was now still maritally bound in the Kingdom of God to Lady B who was long gone with two of our kids. The loneliness began to set in because who would want to marry a man who was still maritly bound to his departed ex-wife and had 3 kids, though only one was with me.
During a wonderful divorce recovery group series I met wonderful
D and fell madly in love with her. I committed to each other maritally.
Then she put me in a situation where I had to choose between being with
her or being with my AfroAm-EuroAm daughters for Thanksgiving and
Christmas, because her dad was a racist bigot. I chose my daughters
and we broke up and reconciled two very painful times. I couldn’t do it again.
I felt that I was on the verge of either mental illness or a nervous breakdown. I was fleeing from what I thought could destroy me, my grief over having to choose between a woman I loved with all of my being, and my beloved daughters who mean more to me than my life. She was trying to force me to choose between her and them and the struggle was more than I could bear ---- so I fled. I called out to Jesus because I was so incredibly horny I knew I was under His 1 Cor. 7:1,2,3,5,9 commands to marry and I had just fled from the woman I thought He wanted me to marry. I called out to Him and told Him I had failed miserably choosing my own lovers and wives, that I wanted and needed to obey His command to marry, that I would marry whoever He chose and I asked Him to bring us together. The year was 1990.
Weeks later, while at my easy and comfortable teaching job, I found myself with nothing really important to do that day and found myself under compulsion to call the district office to see if they needed a substitute teacher anywhere. My supervisor and peers thought I should stay and have an easy day, but I couldn't rest until they called to see if a sub was needed somewhere.
Finally they gave in, called and found that just then a school in the ghetto was in desperate need of a substitute since the regular teacher couldn't finish the day. I landed up being there for three days. In another class there open shouting, insulting and reviling had broken out between the teacher, the students and the parents. They let the teacher go, and asked me to take her class for the rest of the year. I accepted. These events were not by luck or accident, but were being worked by Him who works all according to the counsel of His own will (Eph 1:11).
A couple of weeks later it was time for my class to spend a week in the Science Lab. I took my class as scheduled and met the teacher of that class. I thought she was a pretty cute little Irish Canadian, tried to make conversation with her even though I knew she wasn't my type, and found her to be totally uninterested. I learned later that she thought I was a fat, bald and old man who wore polyester priest pants (she was raised Catholic). Since she didn't respond, I figured I had done my duty of wife hunting for the day and went on about my business. Sometime later that period I passed by her desk again while supervising my class and she asked me where I had taught. I told her I had been teaching at Christian schools. She had been recently born again and was open to dating Christian men, few and far between though they be, so she opened a conversation with me. I invited her to go to church with me because I found that a good way to weed out the unacceptable marital prospects.
Knowing I was under God's command to marry- - - -
***1 Cor 7: 1* ¶ But concerning the things of which ye have written to me: It is good for a man not to continue -keep on - touching a woman; 2 but because of and to avoid sexual immorality each man should be [sexually] having his own woman, and each woman should be [sexually] having her own man. . . . 8To the unmarried and the bereft women I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 9 But if they do not continue to have self-restraint [keep on abstaining from sex sin], they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with desire.
- - - - - - so I knew that since He knew I had determined to obey His command the ball was i His court and it was His responsibility (Phil 4:19) to provide the woman for me to marry, on His terms and in His time, no matter if she was blind, deaf, crippled, bald, toothless,flat footed, and disabled or handicapped. So seeing that He provided for the sparrows (Mat 6), that sparrows were busy going all over looking for God's provision, that God didn't feed grown sparrows that just sat in their nests with their mouth open and up, I determined to be a good "sparrow" and go around looking for His provision, a godly Christian woman who would marry me. As I planned my sparrowing, I realized that I knew three Christian women who were single and friendly to me. So I called the three and set up dates, Wednesday dinner with La Mexicana teacher, Friday night walking the surf with the nurse and Sunday church with Lady R.
Wednesday I told La Mexicana that I was looking for a wife, not just dating, and would she consider marrying me. She told me she had already given her heart to another, but thanked me for thinking of her and gave me a kiss that almost launched me out of my shoes there in the parking lot. Door one was closed. The nurse called me Thursday and told me she had to work Friday and Saturday and couldn't do the surf walk with me at the beach. Door two was closed. That left R and me for church Sunday.
She and her daughter met me at church that Sunday and we enjoyed the service together. We began to talk frequently on the phone. I decided to do my best to discourage her by telling her all my problems, that I was searching in my horniness for my Rebekah at the well who would become my wife, that my mother was into seances, Ouija board, astrology, reincarnation; than my brother was a practicing New Age sorcerer/channeler with his own personal demon ("spirit guide"), about my sister's outrageous conduct, and my three AfroAm-IndiAm-EuroAm daughters. After two weeks of going to church with me and hearing my testimonies and all about my crazy and complicated family members, she decided she would give me the Dear John "Thanks, but no thanks" deal the following Sunday after church.
So we met at church again and were enjoying the praise and worship. She was planning on how to break the word to me after church, but had really got into the service. As we stood to praise and worship, she had put her hands on the back of the seat in front of her. I affectionately reached over and put my hand gently on her hand, and noticed an emotional reaction. I didn't find out til after the service, but when I put my hand on her hand her whole body felt like it had been electrically shocked, her body hair stood up and she got goose bumps and heard a strong and powerful voice tell her, "You chose your first husband. This is the husband I have chosen for you." Her mouth dropped open in wonder and amazement. I thought she was just deeply moved by the worship.
After service I walked her out to her car. Just before she stepped off of the curb to get into her car, she turned to me and said, "I'll be your Rebekah. I'll be your wife." I was dumbfounded and amazed, mouth hanging open in shocked surprise. We hadn't even known each other and been dating for more than a month. She was tickled with my response and drove off with a big
smile on her face. I felt I had stepped into a time warp. The world seemed muted, distant and in a haze. In this trance like state of shock, amazement and wonder I finally found my way back to my car, sat down and tried to understand the meaning of what had just happened.
We were engaged a month later after a very unusual exchange in the parking lot outside the restaurant in a Fashion Valley parking lot. We were discussing becomng engaged in the restaurant. After we finished eating I told her that there was one more obstacle to our becoming engaged. I told her that since I was a genuine Jesus believer, and if Lady D was a genuine Jesus believer, that I was maritally bound to her for life, until death ends our marital bond (Mark 10:1-12; Rom 7:1-3; 1 Cor 7:10,11,39). I told her that if Lady D was genuinely saved it would be adultery for me to maritally repudiate her to marry her (Mat 5:32; 19:1-19; Mark 10:1-12). I knew that polygyny (one man with more than one wife informally, unofficially, privately and discretely) was not sin and was legislated by Jehovah-Jesus in Ex 21:7-11; and Deut 21:15-17. I knew that God never portrays Himself as sin or as a sinner and that God can't sin, so when He described Himself as having two wives in Ezek 23, I knew He did not consider polygyny to be sin. I knew that USA state and federal laws (Rom 13) allowed a man to practice polygyny as long as he did it informally, unofficially, privately and discretely, as in Rom 14:20-23. Lady D agreed to let me formally and officially divorce her since she didn't want to be married to me anymore, and I was careful to make it clear to Lady D that the divorce in no way ended or voided our marital covenant. If she ever wanted to be my wife again I would readily accept her back, but she would have to share me with Lady R. I told Lady R the only way we could marry was if I was careful not to maritally repudiate my marital bond with Lady D, and that I would have to accept Lady D back maritally if she ever wanted to be reconciled and reunited with me -- in polygyny.
Lady R said she had to think about it, so she did so in complete silence for five minutes in my arms. It was a beautiful clear and moon lit night, but those were very tense five minutes. Finally she told me she would marry me anyway, because she was quite sure Lady D would never want to be my wife again. We became formally engaged. We had a glorious courtship and wedding.
Five years after Lady R and I married, I turned Lady R's son in for juvenile probation violation, and I wasn't earning enough money in her eyes, so she told me to move out until I got my act together. I realized I was still maritally bound to her since we were both genuine believers in Jesus Christ (1Cor7:1,2,10,11,39; Mark 10:1-12). I knew I would be tempted sexually according to 1 Cor 7:5 and I saw no hope of reconciliation so I knew I would probably have to find a polygynous mate, one who would understand my marital obligation to Lady R.
