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The Rod of Correction

L

Love

Member
Hello Sisters,
I am sitting here this morning...coffee and laptop in hand ready to share with you guys one of my biggest challenges! Your personal thoughts and insight always encourage me and make me think of things in a new way.
This year I have asked God to open my eyes to any ways that our family has been blinded by our culture. God has helped me cultivate a Biblical worldview about many issues...obviously it has been a life changing year! Recently, I was convicted about the importance of disciplining my children. This has always been a very very difficult issue for me...one that I avoid, excuse, rationalize and manipulate to get out of studying.
I did buckle down a take a hard look at what the Bible says and how that differs from our culture. Here is what I learned:
First of all, I thought about the trends in our culture about disciplining children so that I could compare it to the Word. I noticed that most use "time out" instead of spanking. The rod is unfashionable and preserving the human rights of the child (and his fragile self esteem)IS fashionable. (Colossians 2:8!)
Then, I thought about my own methods. I've always said that "discipline should make the child sad and the parent glad."...always avoiding methods such as spanking that would cause my mommy's heart more pain than my child's rear! Here is the conviction part...I've realized that sending a child to bed as discipline or sending them to time out often can happen in the absence of correction. It is over with quickly and cleanly, but I'm not sure that the teaching and training is there. And when I did spank, it lacked the consistancy and sting that would cause a child to be trained by it.
THEN, I looked up all the verses in the Bible about disciplining children....like Proverbs 13:24. "He who spareth the rod hates his son" and Proverbs 29:17 "..discipline your son and he will give you peace..." and Proverbs 23:13 and Hebrews 12.
The Bible is clear that the rod is to be used to "drive out foolishness" and rescue a child from the "path of destruction." I thought about that. Sin can definitely become a habit...and can enslave you...destroy. So if my child is chooses sin, he IS on the wrong path...SO..this is a rescue mission. I've realized to my shame that it's not that I "hate my son" but that I've loved myself more...and it's not just about him, but about my own lack of faith in God in this area.
I know that spanking DOES really get my child's attention and it humbles him and trains him to be a person under authority (as we all are). Also, I want him to see me submitting to God's authrority in this area. I know that when any of us turn from our own way and submit ourselves to the authority over us, it restores us to a place of blessing...and I want that for my children...and myself.
I also want to make a change in this area because my children know how difficult it is for me to spank them and I want them to see that I love them and am commited to them and to obeying God...even at my own personal expense.
I am in good company. One of my amazing and beautiful friends, Amy, hates this as much as I do. She will give her child the smallest perfunctory spat with a wooden spoon..at least making the effort. My other friends are old pros...a few even have wooden spoons sticking out of their pockets just waiting for a child in need. :D
I hope all of this makes sense. I don't know why it's so hard. I have let my soft, gentle, nurturing mommy heart stand in the way of obedience to God.
So what do you guys think? Any insight from your experience?
 
I think the fact that you are willing to open your heart to godly instruction speaks volumes about your desire to do things according to God's Word.

Corporal punishment is sometimes difficult for me to discuss, mostly because I get fearful that something I say could be misconstrued as child abuse. The truth of the matter is that God's Word speaks very clearly about using the rod of reproof for correction. It also very clearly states in Proverbs 23:13, "Withhold not correction from the child: for [if] thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die." Unfortunately, a gentle tap on the backside probably isn't going to bring true repentance! That's hard for a tender Mama heart to hear, but if we truly want what is best for our child -- true repentance and a return to fellowship with God and their family -- then the desire to be used by God to bring them to repentance must be stronger than any of the other obstacles that you mentioned. I'm preaching to myself right now as well. Sometimes, I just can't stand the thought of giving one more spanking. It can be very discouraging and depressing. But, I have to look beyond the temporary frustration and hurt that I may feel, and see the long-term fruit that my faithfulness to God will bring.

Anyway, I hope this gives you some help. Trust the Lord that His ways are better than our ways, and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts.

Katie
 
I was really thinking about this, because it is so hard for us mamas to be the bad guy when it comes to our children. Then today at church the pastor had an excellent sermon addressing this very question. The Book of Proverbs speaks clearly about discipling. We set the example for our children when they see us being obedient to God. The pastor was saying if we don't correct them when they are young, they won't know what to do the first time they are corrected, like on their first job. He used an example of a boss taking corrective action on a young man whom wasn't performing the job correctly. The young man actually broke down and cried saying, "why are you picking on me?" The pastor said our choices we make now on how we discipline plays a major role in the consequences later.
 
I do not have kids of my own. However, I do know that all three of us believe in corporal punishment, in moderation of course. Timeouts and privilege revocations have their place...but so does spanking. I was spanked as a kid...and I know it was effective on me.
 
I was brought up in a house where there was no spanking. We lived in fear and therefore did exactly what we were told when we were told to do it. It was instilled in us early not to make Daddy mad, and if we misbehaved we made him mad. So, we just didn't do it. When I had kids of my own I didn't want them to grow up hating me like I had my father so I went in another direction. I told them from the onset what my expectations were of them and what the consequences would be if they didn't do as they were told. There were extenuating (probably spelled wrong, sorry) circumstances and this didn't always work either. But for the most part it did. My kids only got a spanking for willful disobedience. With our grand kids I've tried the expectations thing again. They are 3, 6, and 7 and have lived with us on and off several times during their lives(long ugly story) and they get it. Maybe it's their age, but they know if I or granddaddy say it, we mean it, and there will be consequences if they don't follow what has been laid down. Again, spanking is reserved for willful disobedience. Just my 2 cents worth.
 
Thank you so much, clyde, for sharing your valuable experience. I think that spanking for every little thing does make it ineffective. I have a friend who's husband..when he was a child was very compliant, but once in a while his parents said he would get out of sorts and a spanking would set him right. lol It probably depends a lot on the kid.
 
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