Tranche de vie

[Renart]

Bien que ce soit un forum plutôt anglophone, j'ai préféré donné mon témoignage dans ma première langue ; le français. Sur un sujet aussi important, je voulais pouvoir m'exprimer plus facilement, sans barrière.

C'est la première fois que je poste ici, j'espère que mon témoignage saura éclairer, aider et peut être même donner un peu d'espoir à ceux qui me liront.

Pour commencer, je suis une femme de 27 ans et j'habite au Canada depuis toujours.

J'ai connu véritablement le Seigneur Jésus Christ à 26 ans, quoique j'ai été enseigné dans la parole par ma mère monoparentale et connu les églises chrétiennes durant mon enfance. D'aussi loin je me souvienne, j'ai toujours cru et aimé Dieu. Malheureusement, l'exemple que j'ai eu de ma mère et de la vie familiale est misérable. Ayant grandi dans la violence (abus physiques, psychologiques et sexuelles) vous imaginez bien que cela m'a laissé d'énormes séquelles se répercutant encore jusqu'à aujourdhui ( j'y reviendrai plus tard).

Durant ma jeunesse et mon adolescence, je n'aurai connu que la souffrance, la violence et l'injustice. Entre les conflits familiaux, La DPJ, Famille d'accueil, centre d'accueil, fugue, je me suis descolarisé à l'âge de 15 ans. (je suis retourné à l'école des adultes mais je n'obtiendrai jamais mon diplôme d'étude secondaire suite à un conflit avec une professeur abusant de son autorité)
J'ai été en couple avec quelques hommes mauvais. Encore une fois, abus sexuels, violences verbales et physiques, j'en passe.

Il y a quelque mois, étant profondément malheureuse dans ma vie terrestre et spirituelle, ainsi que dans ma relation avec un homme, j'ai demandé à Dieu si Dieu m'aimait encore. J'étais dans une relation de presque 4 ans. Moi, Voulant retourner à Christ, à ses commandements et ses lois et l'autre voulant vivre comme bon lui semblait. Cela avait créer de nombreux conflits, ce qui nous menèrent à beaucoup de péchés.

Je ne pensais pas que ma vie était sur le point de basculer. Un frère, rencontré 4 ans auparavant - @ChoosingGod m'avait proposer d'habiter chez lui, parmi sa famille quelque temps afin de trouver du repos et de retrouver ma relation avec Christ.

Après la visite de l'esprit Saint, j'ai fait acte de repentance , un jeûne et remis de l'ordre dans ma vie avant de partir chez lui.
J'ai du faire un choix très difficile ; quitter ma maison, mes animaux, mon《 conjoint 》.

Une fois arrivé chez eux, j'ai été bien accueilli, s'étant déjà vu à quelque reprise face à face lors de baptêmes de gens, de rassemblement chrétien , de rencontre zoom, etc, nous n'étions pas totalement des inconnus.

J'ai eu l'occasion d'avoir de longues et de nombreuses discussions avec ChoosingGod. J'appréciais les journées de sabbat et nouvelles lunes, j'aimais être enseigné par un véritable homme de Dieu. Pour la première fois de ma vie, je voyais ce qu'était l'exemple d'une vie chretienne, j'aimais voir aller sa famille et je m'entendais bien avec eux.

Entre temps, j'ai été baptisé par ChoosingGod le 24 octobre 2023.
Je continuai à texter mon
ex《 conjoint 》, étant devenu une nouvelle créature par les eaux du baptême, j'avais choisi de ne pas me remarier avec cette personne. J'attendais une réponse de Dieu, afin qu'il me révèle l'état de son coeur avant d'entamer une nouvelle relation avec celui ci. ( je n'expliquerais pas tout les détails de cette relation ) tout ce que je peux dire, c'est que Dieu m'a révélé son coeur rapidement et j'ai compris que ce n'était pas un homme pour moi.

Et donc, s'ensuivit beaucoup de message colèreux de sa part, il était devenu méchant suite à ma décision. De base, j'étais sensé rester chez ChoosingGod 1 à 2 mois.

N'ayant pas d'argent, ni de famille, ni d'amis, ni de travail, ni de diplôme, ni de voiture, en pleine séparation et aucune possibilité de retourner dans ma maison, je n'avais aucun endroit où vivre. Je ne voulais pas abuser de l'hospitalité de ChoosingGod et de sa famille, même s'il m'avait proposé de rester plus longtemps, jusqu'à ce que je sois stable dans ma vie.

N'ayant aucune autre possibilité, j'ai dû rester chez lui plus longtemps que prévu...

Suite dans la partie 2 prochainement.

 

[ChoosingGod]

—Google translate of Renart’s post.—

Although this is a rather English-speaking forum, I preferred to give my testimony in my first language; French. On such an important subject, I wanted to be able to express myself more easily, without barriers.

This is the first time I'm posting here, I hope that my testimony will enlighten, help and maybe even give a little hope to those who read me.

To begin with, I am a 27 year old woman and I have lived in Canada my whole life.

I truly knew the Lord Jesus Christ at 26 years old, although I was taught in the word by my single-parent mother and knew Christian churches during my childhood. As far back as I can remember, I have always believed and loved God. Unfortunately, the example I had from my mother and family life was miserable. Having grown up in violence (physical, psychological and sexual abuse) you can imagine that this left me with enormous after-effects that still have repercussions until today (I will come back to this later).

During my youth and adolescence, I only knew suffering, violence and injustice. Between family conflicts, DPJ, foster family, reception center, running away, I left school at the age of 15. (I returned to adult school but I will never obtain my high school diploma following a conflict with a teacher abusing her authority)
I've been in relationships with some bad men. Once again, sexual abuse, verbal and physical violence, you name it.

A few months ago, being deeply unhappy in my earthly and spiritual life, as well as in my relationship with a man, I asked God if God still loved me. I was in a relationship for almost 4 years. Me, wanting to return to Christ, to his commandments and his laws and the other wanting to live as he saw fit. This created many conflicts, which led to many sins.

I didn't think my life was about to change. A brother, met 4 years previously - ChoosingGod had offered to live with him, among his family for a while in order to find rest and regain my relationship with Christ.

After the visit of the Holy Spirit, I made an act of repentance, a fast and put my life back in order before leaving for him.
I had to make a very difficult choice; leave my house, my animals, my “spouse”.

Once I arrived at their home, I was well received, having already seen each other face to face a few times during people's baptisms, Christian gatherings, zoom meetings, etc., we were not completely strangers.

I had the opportunity to have many long discussions with ChoosingGod. I enjoyed the Sabbath days and new moons, I loved being taught by a true man of God. For the first time in my life, I saw what the example of a Christian life was, I loved seeing his family and I got along well with them.

In the meantime, I was baptized by ChoosingGod on October 24, 2023.
I continued to text my
ex 《spouse》, having become a new creature through the waters of baptism, I had chosen not to remarry this person. I was waiting for a response from God, so that he would reveal to me the state of his heart before starting a new relationship with him. (I won't explain all the details of this relationship) all I can say is that God revealed his heart to me quickly and I understood that he was not the man for me.

And so, there followed a lot of angry messages from him, he had become mean following my decision. Basically, I was supposed to stay at ChoosingGod for 1 to 2 months.

Having no money, no family, no friends, no job, no diploma, no car, in the middle of a separation and no possibility of returning to my home, I had no place to live. I didn't want to abuse the hospitality of ChoosingGod and his family, even though he had offered to stay longer, until I was stable in my life.

Having no other option, I had to stay at his house longer than expected...

Continued in part 2 soon.

 

[Renart]

Tranche de vie ( suite - partie 2 )

Quelque temps c'est écoulé depuis fin octobre. Voici déjà 6 mois que j'habite chez @ChoosingGod. Fin novembre nous nous avouons nos sentiments l'un envers l'autre. Début décembre , sa femme est mise au courant. Fin décembre ses enfants sont mis au parfum. Depuis les choses ont évolué mais pas toujours positivement. Il y a eu plusieurs accrochage entre moi et sa femme et un peu avec ses enfants.

Je dois admettre que ces derniers temps ça été très difficile et ça l'est toujours autant. Sa première femme ne m'accepte pas. Malgré ses efforts, ça se ressentait dans ses paroles et ses actions. Je me prenais des commentaires, des soupirs, des regards au ciel. Ses enfants, voyant souvent leur mère triste ou de mauvaise humeur, comme tout enfants, ils ont pris le côté de leur mère, je ne les blâme pas. C'est compréhensible. Suite à cela, j'ai commencer à être ignorer à quelque reprises par le plus vieux
des enfants.

Ça allait bien un moment, peut etre durant environ deux semaines entre sa femme et moi. J'ai voulu savoir la vérité ( ce qu'elle pensait réellement de moi ) j'ai donc fouillé le téléphone de ChoosingGod et j'ai lu les conversations entre lui et sa femme. J'ai été choquée par certains propos. Cela m'a causé énormément de peine et de détresse. Le lendemain, je les ai confronté à leur propres textos. Nous en avons discuté longuement. Sa femme était en colère après moi mais moi aussi j'étais en colère qu'elle ait osé parler de moi comme elle l'avait fait et que lui permettait de la laisser parler ainsi de moi. ( selon mon point de vue ). Je n'avais jamais parler méchamment d'elle, ni insulter , ni dénigrer alors je ne comprenais pas pourquoi elle parlait négativement de moi de la sorte.

j'ai été environ une semaine à m'en remettre, je pleurais en me réveillant le matin , je m'endormais les larmes aux yeux le soir. J'avais le coeur lourd. En repensant aux échanges qu'ils avaient eu, je pensais aux mots qu'elle avait employés pour me décrire ou décrire certaine situations. C'était tellement blessant.
ChoosingGod m'expliquait que c'était contextuelle lorsqu'ils avaient parler de cela ( j'avais lu leur échange d'à partir de début février jusqu'à fin mars ) et que je n'aurais pas dû lire leur échanges qui étaient sensé être privé. Mais cela m'importais peu et j'avais l'impression qu'ils minimalisaient mon ressenti et ce que je vivais.

Même si je savais que ce n'étais pas correct de ma part, au moins , je connaissais la vérité. Aussi, j'ai été déçue, triste , en colère et j'ai perdu confiance en eux. J'ai tout remis en question. Je leur en voulais. J'avais juste envie de partir , mais si je partais, je me serais retrouvé à la rue. Je n'avais aucun échappatoire.

Dernièrement, il y a environ deux jours, j'ai fait la paix avec elle. Mais je n'oublie pas ce qui a été dit entre eux et depuis cet événement, je suis sur mes gardes. Lorsque je m'aperçois que ChoosingGod reçoit un message de sa femme, automatiquement je pense qu'il parle de moi et je deviens inquiète et j'ai envie de savoir dequoi ils parlent pour me rassurer. Je n'avais jamais été comme cela auparavant.

Aussi, ma vie de prière et ma relation avec Dieu s'est dégradé un peu. Je suis tellement centré sur les événements que j'en ai perdu mon réel point de repère - Christ.

Je ne suis plus comme avant. J'ai perdu ma confiance, mon sourire et mon estime de moi même à encore plus chuter depuis ( j'en avais déjà pas beaucoup ). J'ai décidé de skipper ma semaine avec lui, même si c'est difficile. Je voulais être seule et réfléchir à tout cela , la semaine prochaine , ça fera un total de 3 semaines que je n'aurais pas dormi avec lui et eu vraiment d'activité avec lui. Pendant ce temps, il dort avec sa femme. Il me consacre un peu de temps en journée mais je trouve que ce n'est pas assez. J'essaie de ne pas me plaindre et de bien faire les choses, de passer par dessus. J'ai l'impression que je serais toujours moins importante parce que je suis la deuxième, que je n'ai rien bâti avec lui, je n'ai pas d'enfant qui me rattache à lui, je n'ai pas 23 ans de mariage avec lui. Je suis constamment à la maison ( je n'ai pas de permis de conduire et j'ai perdu mon emploie suite à une injustice avec mon employeur).

Voilà plusieurs jours que je suis malheureuse. Même si la situation semble s'apaiser, mon coeur lui ne l'est pas. Je voudrais juste m'endormir et ne jamais me réveillé...

 

[Joleneakamama]

Translated into english

Slice of life (continued - part 2)

Some time has passed since the end of October. I've been living at @ChoosingGod for 6 months already. At the end of November we confess our feelings towards each other. At the beginning of December, his wife was informed. At the end of December his children were put into perfume. Since then, things have evolved, but not always positively. There were several clashes between me and his wife and a little with his children.

I have to admit that lately it has been very difficult and it still is. His first wife doesn't accept me. Despite his efforts, it showed in his words and actions. I got comments, sighs, glances at the sky. Her children, often seeing their mother sad or in a bad mood, like all children, they took their mother's side, I don't blame them. It's understandable. Following this, I began to be ignored a few times by the oldest
children.

Things were going well for a while, maybe for about two weeks between his wife and me. I wanted to know the truth (what she really thought of me) so I searched ChoosingGod's phone and read the conversations between him and his wife. I was shocked by some of the comments. This has caused me enormous pain and distress. The next day, I confronted them with their own text messages. We discussed it at length. His wife was angry with me but I was angry too that she dared to talk about me the way she did and allowed him to let her talk about me like that. ( according to my point of view ). I had never spoken unkindly about her, nor insulted, nor denigrated, so I didn't understand why she spoke negatively of me like that.

It took me about a week to get over it, I cried when I woke up in the morning, I fell asleep with tears in my eyes in the evening. My heart was heavy. Thinking back to the exchanges they had, I thought of the words she had used to describe me or certain situations. It was so hurtful.
ChoosingGod explained to me that it was contextual when they talked about this (I had read their exchange from the beginning of February until the end of March) and that I should not have read their exchanges which were sensible be private. But that didn't matter to me and I had the impression that they minimized my feelings and what I was going through.

Even though I knew it wasn't right of me, at least I knew the truth. Also, I was disappointed, sad, angry and I lost confidence in them. I questioned everything. I was angry with them. I just wanted to leave, but if I left, I would have found myself on the street. I had no escape.

Lately, about two days ago, I made peace with her. But I have not forgotten what was said between them and since this event, I have been on my guard. When I realize that ChoosingGod is receiving a message from his wife, I automatically think that he is talking about me and I become worried and I want to know what they are talking about to reassure myself. I had never been like this before.

Also, my prayer life and my relationship with God has deteriorated a bit. I am so focused on events that I have lost my real point of reference - Christ.

I'm not like I used to be. I lost my confidence, my smile and my self-esteem to fall even more since then (I already didn't have much). I decided to skipper my week with him, even if it is difficult. I wanted to be alone and think about all of this, next week it will be a total of 3 weeks since I slept with him or really had any activity with him. Meanwhile, he sleeps with his wife. He gives me a little time during the day but I find that it's not enough. I try not to complain and to do things well, to get through it. I have the impression that I will always be less important because I am the second, I have not built anything with him, I do not have a child who attaches me to him, I am not 23 years old marriage with him. I am constantly at home (I don't have a driver's license and I lost my job following an injustice with my employer).

I have been unhappy for several days. Even if the situation seems to be calming down, my heart is not. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up...

 

[MrB]

I was once told
What other people think of you is none of your business and digging to find out will lead to no good

You will always be second best if you are trying to be someone else
Just be the best version of you and stop competing
God made only one of you, you are special in that regard
There is goodness in everyone celebrate all the goodness you find

 

[FollowingHim2]

Hi Renart. I'm so sorry you're going through such a difficult time right now.

I know this feels like it will always be this way, but it really won't. You will heal from this.

It was wrong of you to search the phone. Not only were you incredibly hurt by what you uncovered, but you have hurt the first wife and shown her that you are untrustworthy. Also, I'm sure she's dealing with the difficulty of having to share her husband, and now you've proven that not even her text messages are private, those have been shared too.
It was wrong for her to say what she did, but she did it in a place and in a way she thought you would never see, where she could be free.

I decided to skipper my week with him, even if it is difficult. I wanted to be alone and think about all of this, next week it will be a total of 3 weeks since I slept with him or really had any activity with him. Meanwhile, he sleeps with his wife. He gives me a little time during the day but I find that it's not enough.

Well, yes. If you chose not to have that time with him, then he's going to spend it with his wife and your relationship is not going to be enough. That is your decision. Don't skip the next time you are supposed to be together, even if it hurts. You two need that time. You need that time.

This whole relationship is very new, for the both of you, but also for the first wife. You have to give it time. Trust your husband to be working on the first wife to bring her around. Trust that God knows what is best for you. Keep God at the centre of your marriage, not the hurt, not the first wife, not the children, God.

 

[PastorLarry]

Perhaps me being a long-time pastor of several Iowa Churches can be of some benefit as far as a little counseling here. As said above - it was wrong for you to read the messages intended privately for the other two. HOWEVER, the pastoral part here. Whenever the members of my Churches would have a disagreement with one another, I WOULD here the one out, then would tell her (almost always a her) that I would then speak to the offender. It was surprising how different the same story would sound. That is NOT to say either was lying. But I heard the story from the two perspectives. My goal then was to bring the two together to visit about this and "let the fir fly" while I was in the room with them. Normally we were able to come to an amicable solution quickly. Occasionally it would take more than one session. But, my counsel to your husband and both of you wives - Never say anything about the other, until you are all together, then be kind in the way you express your complaints, suggestions, etc. I suspect a second wife will tend to feel inferior or like she has a much "longer hill to climb." It is the responsibility of husband and first wife to make that hill as slight as possible. And - poor sweet Renart, it appears you have had a very hard "row to hoe" in your life. But things can and will improve and straighten out if you will let it happen. You must be terribly discouraged but you have a man who loves you and wants to make things work. I hope things have not gone so far now that you cannot resolve yourself to the family and that they are willing to give you the opportunity to rejoin them. And, it really is YOUR responsibility to rejoin them, not the other way around. Without them you are a ship without a rudder. Christ the Lord said if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and cleanse us of all our unrighteousness. A good husband will likewise forgive and cleanse. It sounds to me like your husband is a good man and wants you back. Is it really worth it to rebel against his love. It is your decision to make.