Just curious what the bar is for other members on here. At what point /level do you consider your marriage a success? It would be interesting to see the difference in answers between sexes and also mono, mono seeking, or poly & previously poly.
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What defines a successful marriage for you?
- Thread starter Verifyveritas76
- Start date
For me, Equally yoked, headed in the same direction, that my children walk in truth, walking in fellowship with my family and my father. That I really like being married to my wife of more than 18 yrs. That im more in love with her now than when we started. When my children show growth in discernment, doctrine, faith in and a love for God and man.
Sorry, forgot to add Male, mono, not seeking.
Married for uhhhh... some years. Like 13 or something. I am very happy with my marriage to Rainy, but as long as we remain married and the majority of our children stay out of prison and find jobs I will define my marriage as successful. Only if we divorce or we start producing felons would I be tempted to declare a failure.
Male, mono, not seeking.
Male, mono, not seeking.
This is a tough question. You can be a great husband or wife with a terrible husband or wife. A marriage is more of a byproduct.
What is a successful life?
Each person defines their own success.
Scripture says God hates "putting away"...so that is the base measure of success.
After this...
Scripture says a man with more than one wife should not deny food, shelter, clothing, sex, etc. to the first one (I presume that applies to all wives).
Scripture says spouses own each other's bodies and shouldn't deny sex.
Scripture says husbands should agape their wives...with heavy implication on stewardship/service.
Scripture says wives should submit...period.
These would be the next steps up the success ladder.
After this???
Did I miss something?
Each person defines their own success.
Scripture says God hates "putting away"...so that is the base measure of success.
After this...
Scripture says a man with more than one wife should not deny food, shelter, clothing, sex, etc. to the first one (I presume that applies to all wives).
Scripture says spouses own each other's bodies and shouldn't deny sex.
Scripture says husbands should agape their wives...with heavy implication on stewardship/service.
Scripture says wives should submit...period.
These would be the next steps up the success ladder.
After this???
Did I miss something?
I think you pretty much nailed it, Mojo!
Not sure why people are saying that having your children successful makes a successful marriage. My children are not in my marriage. My marriage is separate from them. I am not a wife to them, I am a mother. Having decent children does not make me a good wife with a successful marriage, it makes me a good mother, with successful parenting. If Samuel and I can team up to teach them well then we are succeeding at parenting, yay!
Not sure why people are saying that having your children successful makes a successful marriage. My children are not in my marriage. My marriage is separate from them. I am not a wife to them, I am a mother. Having decent children does not make me a good wife with a successful marriage, it makes me a good mother, with successful parenting. If Samuel and I can team up to teach them well then we are succeeding at parenting, yay!
This will veer slightly off topic, so we may need to start another thread...but is it even fair to say that children who turn out well are because of good parenting? Each child has a free will and no matter how good or bad, they turn out how they choose to turn out. Good parenting skills ate a good seed bed, but not a guarantee.
Kind of like Zec's comment. It takes two to do the lambada.
Just saying.
Ha ha, I was thinking that exact same thing, but I didn't post it because I thought it was going off topic a little bit
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I suppose because I see children as the 'fruit' of a marriage, that I tend to believe that a healthy or "succesfull" marriage will produce mostly non-felon children.
There are no wrong answers to this question. What is your requirement for success are in your marriage? I think these are all good things to strive for in a successful marriage. Each family will have its own list of benchmarks and its own weighted priority. All good stuff people.
I choose "D" - all the above.
EDIT: Because questions should have question marks...
I choose "D" - all the above.
EDIT: Because questions should have question marks...
I've learned that if I'm going to bring myself home a bottle of whiskey then I must bring chocolate home for the wife... this has equaled success in my marriage!
On a serious note though... I simply try to live by Paul's encouragement to husbands and wives, "Husbands LOVE your wives! Wives SUBMIT to your husbands!" ... God designed the perfect recipe for success in marriage right there! Blamo!
On a serious note though... I simply try to live by Paul's encouragement to husbands and wives, "Husbands LOVE your wives! Wives SUBMIT to your husbands!" ... God designed the perfect recipe for success in marriage right there! Blamo!
I have learnt that when I bring chocolate home for my wife, I should not hide it in the glove box of her van as a surprise, because mice will find it before she does.
All these little learning experiences add up to help us function better in marriage the longer we are together.
All these little learning experiences add up to help us function better in marriage the longer we are together.
But you totally got points for the thought!
I read somewhere that in marriage, to say to your partner "You have a problem!" is like saying "Your end of the boat is sinking."
When you join two ropes together with a proper splice, the first step is called "marrying" the ropes. Then you weave them in and out of each other, and in the end they will break singly, away from the splice, before they will break where joined.
I have long seen marriage as two people attempting to become one. Many fail, or give up, and only those who truly learn to esteem their partner as themselves, actually succeed. The marriage ceremony is a declaration of your intent to team up, and become one, and reaching the end of your days as a loving couple is the real proof of success.
I spoke with a woman once who had just divorced after 65 years of marriage. I said "I'm sorry" and she said "I'm not!" She went on to relate details, and I was left to wonder what kind of effect her choice would have on her children and grandchildren. Maybe it would serve to remind them, not to take their partner for granted? Maybe they will lose faith in the very concept of marriage? I could only guess.
Valuing each other is important, and no matter what the world says I see co dependency as a beautiful aspect of a successful marriage. You should be able to trust each other, and lean on each other. Reaching that point where neither of you can imagine life apart....and you feel like you've made it halfway to forever, is (in my humble opinion) a pretty good indication you're on the right track.
Children are another subject, but I believe you are less likely to have problems with them, if both parents present a united front, and are not harboring resentments with each other. Your children are very likely to remind you of your partner!
I think that's a long enough ramble.
Something like my two dollars and two cents worth. Lol
Thanks for starting the thread!
When you join two ropes together with a proper splice, the first step is called "marrying" the ropes. Then you weave them in and out of each other, and in the end they will break singly, away from the splice, before they will break where joined.
I have long seen marriage as two people attempting to become one. Many fail, or give up, and only those who truly learn to esteem their partner as themselves, actually succeed. The marriage ceremony is a declaration of your intent to team up, and become one, and reaching the end of your days as a loving couple is the real proof of success.
I spoke with a woman once who had just divorced after 65 years of marriage. I said "I'm sorry" and she said "I'm not!" She went on to relate details, and I was left to wonder what kind of effect her choice would have on her children and grandchildren. Maybe it would serve to remind them, not to take their partner for granted? Maybe they will lose faith in the very concept of marriage? I could only guess.
Valuing each other is important, and no matter what the world says I see co dependency as a beautiful aspect of a successful marriage. You should be able to trust each other, and lean on each other. Reaching that point where neither of you can imagine life apart....and you feel like you've made it halfway to forever, is (in my humble opinion) a pretty good indication you're on the right track.
Children are another subject, but I believe you are less likely to have problems with them, if both parents present a united front, and are not harboring resentments with each other. Your children are very likely to remind you of your partner!
I think that's a long enough ramble.
Something like my two dollars and two cents worth. Lol
Thanks for starting the thread!
Above a great thoughts but humbly, I don't feel this a question which will help you.
It's useful to ask, "How successful have we been as a couple at getting our last year's goals done?" Or, "How successful have we been at our goal of making our bodies be in healthy shape..."
Marriage is a state (or point in time) like water in a liquid, steam or frozen phase. It's not successful or unsuccessful.
What are you good at individually and together that very few people can do? Are you doing that? These kinds of questions are more likely helpful...
Just my $0.02.
It's useful to ask, "How successful have we been as a couple at getting our last year's goals done?" Or, "How successful have we been at our goal of making our bodies be in healthy shape..."
Marriage is a state (or point in time) like water in a liquid, steam or frozen phase. It's not successful or unsuccessful.
What are you good at individually and together that very few people can do? Are you doing that? These kinds of questions are more likely helpful...
Just my $0.02.
Good thoughts. Some refer to our lives as "Seasons of the Heart". We are constantly changing from day to day, week to week, and year to year. What was "successful" at 25, may not work when we're 45. What amused us at 18, may anger us at 50. We may go through periods of "failure" to be followed by "success". It's best to take a holistic approach. We go through these changes, but rely on our commitment through an unchanging Lord.
Interesting question!
Not just a tough question but a bit of a spectrum.
What makes for a successful marriage will be different for each pairing.
I certainly have some ideals that I will not go into for fear of a weird mix of reactions whiplashing back and forth from titillating to boring but mostly somewhere in the middle.
Successful broadly speaking is having a long harmonious union
What makes for a successful marriage will be different for each pairing.
I certainly have some ideals that I will not go into for fear of a weird mix of reactions whiplashing back and forth from titillating to boring but mostly somewhere in the middle.
Successful broadly speaking is having a long harmonious union
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