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Why choose this lifestyle?

L

lace_bell86

New Member
Hi Ladies!

I'm new to this group and I just wanted to hear from other ladies why they have chose to live the lifestyle of being a sister wife or why they are thinking about choosing it?

I have been thinking about it for awhile now. I finally found this website to discuss all of this and I am really enjoying it!! :P
 
I have come to embrace plural marriage and hope for the opportunity to become a sister wife, because I feel that God has led me to realize after researching it quite a bit that it absolutely encourages a true family unit. I liken it to being on a team I guess, with a team captain to lead the way and watch over the family and guide the family under faith and love as Christ would want. I will admit to choosing a husband when I was young who had no faith or beliefs and I thought he could change or could just be strong enough to handle everything, but it ended poorly in divorce, which I do not really believe in, and I certainly made it through, but I know my children missed out on having the love and guidance of a father and I really had to work hard to be both parents. I would have thought it a great blessing to share my family with a strong husband and a sister wife or wives. A real family unit...wow!!!

Jen M
 
Wonderful post, Jen! I too chose plural marriage because I believed it was what God had for me and that it reflected how the "Bride of Christ" should be but in a smaller way. I am still amazed, even after hearing hundreds of different stories from all kinds of people, at how God moves to bring us to this truth.

I hope someday that the Lord will bless you with a family that will love you as much as you desire to love them.

With hope for the future,
Julieb
 
julieb said:
Wonderful post, Jen! I too chose plural marriage because I believed it was what God had for me and that it reflected how the "Bride of Christ" should be but in a smaller way. I am still amazed, even after hearing hundreds of different stories from all kinds of people, at how God moves to bring us to this truth.

I hope someday that the Lord will bless you with a family that will love you as much as you desire to love them.

With hope for the future,
Julieb
Click to expand...


Thank you so much... I feel encouraged that I have made the right decision and hope I will be blessed with a loving family as well. I recently, spoke to my sister-in-law who I count as one of most beloved family members and friends. She is the one person in my family that I always confide in and I discussed this with her. After explaining it, she was actually ok with it. She assured me that she supported my decision and that my nephews who I am so close to would do so as well. She told me she just wants me to be happy. I had to confide in her because I tell her everything and she is the only one in my family who would understand. I can see from other people posts that people have family members find out and they don't understand it and get angry. So I feel lucky and blessed even that I know no matter what she would love me. She is not sharing this with anyone, but it felt good to tell someone.

Jen M
 
I choose this for me because of my search to find what God had for my life. I started my search because
I was abandoned by my husband and then my church told me I could not expect to remarry and have
God bless it. And that started my search.
God brought me to Bf and I went to the July retreat and I asked the Lord to show me this is where He
wants me to be and it was very clear. So here I am and I am looking forward to what God has for me
dede
 
I didn't really choose this lifestyle, because when I first starting researching polygamy, I didn't even know Christians were practicing polygamy. I came to this site really doubting it from a Christian perspective, because I had always been told polygamy was tolerated by God not what God intended. Then I started seeing how allowing God to be first in our marriage, followed by allowing my husband to be the head (in which I'm still always learning), things in our marriage just seem to keep getting better and better. We actually tell people now that we've only been truly Biblical married for two years. Then we went to a retreat and just had the best worship and fellowship ever. Anyhow, I'd say I didn't choose this lifestyle, I feel that I was led to it. If God blesses us with a sister wife, my prayer is that she will be led by the Spirit and want to join our family to build one in which is God pleasing.

Michelle
 
I chose this lifestyle because I believe that God specifically desired our family to practice polygyny. It is a very hard road and you will be challenged in every area of your life, over and over again. But if God desires something of you, you do it, because He is worthy.

Katie
 
I also agree with what Julie said. This type of marriage enable you to see different aspects of Christ's relationship with His bride, both on an individual level and a corporate level. I don't think I would have ever seen some of the parallels in a monogamous-only relationship.
 
Jen, I think your description of the team and team captain, (and team Captain ;) ) is superb, and I wholeheartedly agree with everyone's replies to your post. When I was going through the process of getting both my heart and head around PM, there were two things that "hooked" me in the beginning of my journey. The first was meeting a woman while we were on the mission field in Mexico. She wanted to be prayed for to receive the Baptism in the Holy Spirit, and one of the reasons was because she "wanted to have more patience with [her] sister wives." I went on tilt, spent the whole afternoon with her, and was touched by the love she had for her sister wives. That was when I first caught a glimpse of the synergy to which you refer, and it stuck with me, although it was seven years later that I fully embraced PM as good, scriptural, godly, and an illustration of God's love for His bride as well as brides.

It was such a refreshing departure from the Rome-ance based "I'll-worship-you-and -you'll-worship-me-and-meet-all-my-needs" schtick that we are continually fed in the media, ie songs, flicks, books, ads, etc etc. Don't get me wrong, NO one is more romantic than God, but His version has no idolatry attached!!

The second scripture/concept was Isa 4:1, re: the seven women and the one guy. That one would NOT leave me alone, and having been a single mom, I kept coming back to that scripture, and had to deal with my own idolatry referenced above as well as selfishness. After I had my breakthrough re: PM, which occurred when I was all by myself in my bed in Baghdad during the toughest part of Operation Iraqi Freedom, then I began to see nearly endless possibilities re: just how strong a PM based family unit could be. Mind you, I am still speaking from theory, but looking forward to the reality!! May God grant you the desire of your heart, Miss Jen.
 
Well thank you, I am looking forward to the reality as well... may we both be blessed with that...I pray daily about this and I just know it is the right path.

Jen
 
I am not sure you could consider me as in the PM lifestyle, since I am still in a monogamous marriage, but we have seriously looked into it. I suppose I could at least tell you why I am willing to seriously consider having another wife in the family.

1. The scriptures do not condemn it. It is not a sin.
2. My husband is my master, and if the Lord leads him to look for another wife, I need to submit. I love and trust both my husband and Christ.
3. I know what it is like to long for a godly master. I know how strong and deep and powerful that longing can be in a woman's heart. If there is a godly woman out there that wishes to find such a wonderful master on this earth, I would like for her to be able to find him in my husband because I KNOW that he is this kind of man. :D It is very hard to find a godly man that knows what it means to be husband and master and who's focus is the Lord Jesus Christ.

Of course, we all have our personal preferences about how this all might happen. I know that for me it will be much easier if I know the woman already. I would want to be friends with her before the topic of marry my husband even came up. It doesn't have to work that way, but I admit I prefer it that way. After all, I am a very happily married woman just as things are right now, so I want to know that any potential wife really cares about the WHOLE family and not just her own goals.

What about you? Why are you looking into this lifestyle? :)
 
I've experienced having a sister wife once, whom we recently ended things with.... I can tell you what " didn't" work for us so that maybe you wont make the same mistake.... from a sister wife perspective.

Sometimes, I felt that my sister wife was more interested in my husband than being friends with me. This is NOT Godly thinking so I struggled with this a lot. I knew at ALL COST I had to love her so I tried to overlook my fleshly feelings. It was hard and took a lot of prayer. However, in the end I did grow much closer to her and have a lot of missed memories and miss her. What I learned is this:

1) The potential wife should care as much about growing as a family as she does about being with the husband.
2) You have to be ready to truly LOVE and learn what unconditional love is. Not just loving those who love you but also loving those whom you do not know. Godly love.
3) Jealousy will probably occur. You have to learn that it is a seed planted by Satan to destroy you. Remember that your husband loves you for who YOU are and you will have special things that you bring in your own personal relationship with your husband just as she will have special things about herself. It does not in any way diminish who you are.
4) Focus on your strengths and not your weaknesses. The worst thing you can do is notice everything your sister wife does that you cant do and either try to become those things yourself or put yourself down for not doing them well. Focus on what you do well and appreciate your sister wife for the new things she contributes to the household.

Hope that helps a little. These are all things I struggled with myself and it took a lot of prayer to overcome. Sometimes, when I tried to handle things myself there were awful arguments where really hurtful things were said. You have to stop yourself from letting it go there. Talk to God, use music, tell yourself what you love about yourself each day. Because the first time is usually the hardest, but after a few weeks when I adjusted, I loved her, loved myself, and only saw hope for our relationship. It was bc of a divorce she did not have finalized that we finally ended things.
 
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