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Wife strife: wives not getting along

S

Sam Speaks

Member
I thought for sure this topic would be easy enough to find by searching, but here goes:

One of the obvious questions re polygamy is “What if the wives cannot/don’t get along?”

What if they decide (after having a baby or two) that they are done with polygamy?
Or they just want to “break up” with the other wife?
What if the wives become jealous and antagonistic?
What if a man has 3+ wives how does he stop them from forming factions?
 
This is where management comes in.

If you are a boss in a business and that type of thing is going on, you manage the situation. See what changes need to be made, including attitude adjustment. Sometimes privileges need to be modified until the attitude is.

Starting with committed women comes first.
Don’t be adding any until you think that your wife has the grit for it, and plan that it will be less than you’d assume. She can always surprise you and do real well, but if you are counting on it……disappointment sucks.
When you add one, be sure to take a good long look at her stability or lack thereof.

Poly will make or break a patriarch wannabe. Been there, destroyed the T-shirt.
 
Maybe I am being cynical but to think that a group of however many women will always get along and never be jealous is unrealistic. Women are intrinsically emotional beings. (Except me. I am perfect in every way! 😂😂🤣🤣) It takes time to sync a family. A man has to be either coo coo for coco puffs or extremely patient and willing to follow Yah unconditionally to try and manage more then one wife in a household. It is not for the faint of heart. In my opinion, when you aren't sure what to do then it's time to go to Yah.
 
Sam Speaks said:
I thought for sure this topic would be easy enough to find by searching, but here goes:

One of the obvious questions re polygamy is “What if the wives cannot/don’t get along?”

What if they decide (after having a baby or two) that they are done with polygamy?
Or they just want to “break up” with the other wife?
What if the wives become jealous and antagonistic?
What if a man has 3+ wives how does he stop them from forming factions?
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I think the brunt of this falls on the man and his relationship with each wife. Sure it could be great having sisterwives but your husband should come first. If all of the women in the household worked toward the same goal of pleasing their husband, they would have less time to spend focused on dramatics with each other. If arguing and fighting with your sisterwives caused your husband discomfort, then why continue to do so? Swallow your pride and make it work for the family sake.
What if they decide (after having a baby or two) that they are done with polygamy?
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They could just leave? I highly doubt most men keep their wives chained up in the basement. Actually I could see a few on here doing that.

I like this question though, it is something that's not really discussed here often.
 
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What if the wives cannot/don’t get along?
So when wives don’t get along, not if but when because people are human, they’ll definitely hit moments of conflict, I agree with Steve, falls on the leader of the home. It’ll be up to him how to sort it out based on the circumstance. Personal responsibility also falls on each woman to humble themselves and take a hard look at what they might be doing or saying then find ways to keep peace in the home. Ultimately, LovesDogs is right, wives’ focus should be on their husband. When his needs are placed first, wives have a better starting point to resolve tensions.

What if they decide (after having a baby or two) that they are done with polygamy?
She very well might decide that and as Keith wonderfully pointed out, she’ll know where the door is but hopefully she’ll go to her husband first about what’s really going on.
Sometimes when someone is “done”, there’s actually something else underneath causing those feelings and thoughts. Maybe it’s been really hard, maybe it’s not what she thought it was going to be, maybe she’s feeling hurt or betrayed, etc. By addressing what’s really happening, she’ll receive the comfort and encouragement and maybe even a closer bond with her husband and family than if she left. Again, that’ll be on the husband to balance. In the end, if someone wants to go, and the family did their part, then the choice is on them to answer to God for.

Or they just want to “break up” with the other wife?
Tough beans. They’re married to the husband, there’s no breaking up with each other. They’ll need to find a peaceful way to be a family even when they might not particularly like one another. I know easier said than done.

What if the wives become jealous and antagonistic?
See answer to question 1. lol.

What if a man has 3+ wives how does he stop them from forming factions?
It is my belief that he sets the tone of his family. Wives may feel more relatable to one or another woman and that’s understandable. I’m guessing different dynamics would be at play but ultimately, a husband, whether directly or by his actions and words of leadership in the marriages, makes expectations known and will address when needed.
 
The man is one flesh connected to each wife. Look the lady in the eyes man up deal with the situation. If the man does not know what is going on between the wife's he needs to find out and resolve it right then and there. No games no playing around. BUT remember men the wife is fragile delicate soft lovely approach her that way listen to her concerns address those concerns fix those concerns give emotional and mental renforrcenent to her. She is your wife. Saying there is the door is NOT renforcing your leadership role in my mind that is the WRONG way to do it. If I was married a situation arises between wives I would sit down be willing to spend ALL day with my wives to fix and shore up any concerns they have. You love them with your whole heart like God loves you remember that. If I need to explain more I will. Wife's, ladies it is your responsibility to look your man in the eyes and have a REAL conversation about your thoughts and emotions and concerns
 
Allthingscometolight said:
Saying there is the door is NOT renforcing your leadership role in my mind that is the WRONG way to do it.
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To be clear, the reminding of my wife where the door thing is only done in the context of her threatening to break up our marriage. I will not be held hostage anymore with such threats. I would also advise you to give your wives MUCH more credit than to contemplate them as all sugar and spice, because that borders on the mistake of considering them to be helpless and even retarded. They are not. They may be the weaker vessel in regard to physical strength, but women are capable of both great feats of family building and ripping apart families at the seams, not to mention being more adept than we are at covert manipulation. I would assert that, with a recalcitrant, rebellious wife, if your greatest fantasy in life is to engage in an endless exercise in futility, consistently approach her as if she's just a delicate flower.

I love women, and I certainly love my wife, but I'm neither interested in being dominated nor spinning my wheels with no definite end in sight.
 
Keith Martin said:
To be clear, the reminding of my wife where the door thing is only done in the context of her threatening to break up our marriage. I will not be held hostage anymore with such threats. I would also advise you to give your wives MUCH more credit than to contemplate them as all sugar and spice, because that borders on the mistake of considering them to be helpless and even retarded. They are not. They may be the weaker vessel in regard to physical strength, but women are capable of both great feats of family building and ripping apart families at the seams, not to mention being more adept than we are at covert manipulation. I would assert that, with a recalcitrant, rebellious wife, if your greatest fantasy in life is to engage in an endless exercise in futility, consistently approach her as if she's just a delicate flower.

I love women, and I certainly love my wife, but I'm neither interested in being dominated nor spinning my wheels with no definite end in si
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Keith Martin said:
To be clear, the reminding of my wife where the door thing is only done in the context of her threatening to break up our marriage. I will not be held hostage anymore with such threats. I would also advise you to give your wives MUCH more credit than to contemplate them as all sugar and spice, because that borders on the mistake of considering them to be helpless and even retarded. They are not. They may be the weaker vessel in regard to physical strength, but women are capable of both great feats of family building and ripping apart families at the seams, not to mention being more adept than we are at covert manipulation. I would assert that, with a recalcitrant, rebellious wife, if your greatest fantasy in life is to engage in an endless exercise in futility, consistently approach her as if she's just a delicate flower.

I love women, and I certainly love my wife, but I'm neither interested in being dominated nor spinning my wheels with no definite end in sight.
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I never said anything about being dominated. And I never said ladies are retarded I actually said the opposite me as I stated being willing to sit and talk all day about what is going on and find a solution means I am willing to use my mental fortitude and strength to find a peaceful solution.
 
Keith Martin said:
To be clear, the reminding of my wife where the door thing is only done in the context of her threatening to break up our marriage. I will not be held hostage anymore with such threats. I would also advise you to give your wives MUCH more credit than to contemplate them as all sugar and spice, because that borders on the mistake of considering them to be helpless and even retarded. They are not. They may be the weaker vessel in regard to physical strength, but women are capable of both great feats of family building and ripping apart families at the seams, not to mention being more adept than we are at covert manipulation. I would assert that, with a recalcitrant, rebellious wife, if your greatest fantasy in life is to engage in an endless exercise in futility, consistently approach her as if she's just a delicate flower.

I love women, and I certainly love my wife, but I'm neither interested in being dominated nor spinning my wheels with no definite end in sight.
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I believe we are on the same coin but on different sides we have the same goal to love but we are approaching it differently by how
 
steve said:
Do you presently have a wife?
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Allthingscometolight said:
She died
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steve said:
I’m sorry.
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As am I. That is a grievous loss.

Allthingscometolight said:
I never said anything about being dominated. And I never said ladies are retarded I actually said the opposite me as I stated being willing to sit and talk all day about what is going on and find a solution means I am willing to use my mental fortitude and strength to find a peaceful solution.
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Allthingscometolight said:
I believe we are on the same coin but on different sides we have the same goal to love but we are approaching it differently by how
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I agree.

Being willing to sit and talk all day toward finding a solution is indeed laudable, but it's not a universal solution, because women can be wily, and unlimited patience on a man's part has the potential of being exploited, and that is a form of female domination of men: avoiding creating the solution because a woman knows the man will continue to be patient and loving. Sometimes the most effective love is to confront what is going on under the surface -- the covert stuff -- because in the long run it's the best thing for the woman in question as well as for those around her.

Sometimes she just needs to be led instead of being made to feel comfortable.
 
It not that I don’t want my women to feel good, but not at the expense of being led.
 
steve said:
Bingo
Is our mission to lead, or to make them feel good?
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Exactly.
I know myself enough to know that I would lose interest in a man who let me walk all over him or coddled me. My husband was someone that challenged me and many years ago we would have pretty heated exchanges. I was one stubborn cookie and could argue until I’m blue in the face but even then I remembered thinking to myself, “Wow, this guy can handle me; he’s not a pushover”. I will say that was also a HUGE attraction. I would not have chosen a man that made me feel good and let me “run wild” with my mouth or actions, so to speak. He is loving but it was made clear who’s in charge. A husband can do both- lead and do so in a way that feels comfortable but leadership cannot come at the cost of feeling good.
 
primrose said:
Exactly.
I know myself enough to know that I would lose interest in a man who let me walk all over him or coddled me. My husband was someone that challenged me and many years ago we would have pretty heated exchanges. I was one stubborn cookie and could argue until I’m blue in the face but even then I remembered thinking to myself, “Wow, this guy can handle me; he’s not a pushover”. I will say that was also a HUGE attraction. I would not have chosen a man that made me feel good and let me “run wild” with my mouth or actions, so to speak. He is loving but it was made clear who’s in charge. A husband can do both- lead and do so in a way that feels comfortable but leadership cannot come at the cost of feeling good.
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I love when you reply to threads ❤️
 
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