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First Wife Benefits

S

Shadowjak's Dancer

Seasoned Member
Real Person
Male
So... perhaps a couple of the most well known polygamous relationships in the Bible, that of Jacob with his four wives and that of Elkanah with his two wives: both accounts well known for the grief and bitterness between the wives involved.

Well, can I get an answer from some first wives out there: for other first wives considering the implications of family life for the PM family, what benefits and things are there to look forward to for the first wives?
 
I know you are asking for first wives' thoughts, Jacob. And I'll leave you to them in a moment. But when looking at the grief in plural marriages referenced in the Bible, there are a couple of things I consider worth keeping in mind:

a) The Bible also tells many stories of marital grief in mono marriages.

b) The Bible isn't a LoveSwept romance novel, where they have a bit of conflict and challenge and then live happily ever after. It doesn't report that so and so "had a wonderful happy family with 1 or 3 wives living in sacred harmony, and they lived long and happy lives." It isn't entertainment, though many find it entertaining. Rather, it tells us about the problems which are then used for our instruction.

So the object in looking at Biblical marriages would not be to conclude that either PM nor MonoM is wrong, but to ask what lessons can be learned from the story to improve all families of whatever composition?

For example, the fuss with Jacob and Elkanah both may well be that favoritism really creates problems!!! We men had best guard against it! With wives and children both.
 
That's a very good question, Jacob, and one I admit I have not fully considered. :o However, I do believe the answers are going to vary from individual to individual, and from family to family. In the case of myself and my own family, I can only see the benefits as coming from attaining the Lord's will for us: that is, to become ONE big, happy family. It is about growing spiritually, learning to share, get along, and having a positive influence on each other. It is about knowing we will never again be all alone, but we will always have someone to care for and to care for us.

In the course of my numerous private discussions with Mr. Froggie over our challenges in the plural marriage, I have suggested he could still keep my sister wife, and simply have two separate families. Ironically, Mr. Froggie finds that suggestion to be completely unacceptable. It is all or nothing. Either we become one big happy family, together, or we go back to the way we were. And of course, now that we have gone this far, we can never simply go back to the "way we were." Our lives are irrevocably changed-- God willing, it is changed for the better.

The above paragraph reminds me of what I have read in Stephen Covey's book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families." In his book, Stephen Covey compares a family unit to an airplane. To have a successful flight, the pilot and passengers must first know their destination, then plot out a course for how to get there. In a successful family, we must understand our destination, or ultimate goal. In the case of the Froggie Family, our destination/goal is to become one complete family, rather than two. Being novice pilots in the plural marriage, however, we are still plotting out our course as we go. But I would like to think we are on mostly on track so far. At least our flight has not been aborted altogether! :lol:

I suppose what I'm trying to say here is, sometimes the benefits of plural marriage-- or anything, for that matter-- cannot be fully realized until you have first decided the purpose or destination, and begun to do what is necessary to attain the end result. When I started on this journey, I admit I never fully considered the personal benefits to myself in taking on a sister wife. All I knew was that it was something I felt deeply in my soul as being the Lord's will for me. And of course, I know the Lord only wants the best for me, that God always gives good gifts, as He tells us in Proverbs. If plural marriage is something the Lord wants me to have, then by all means, I trust Him enough to accept the blessings, as well as the challenges that come with the Gift! :D
 
Beautifully said, Froggie!

That applies to many of us husbands as well. Looking back over the last decade plus, what benefits? Moving and living within God's will for my life FAR overshadows any and all possible other benefits that I can even imagine! (And I've never had 2 wives in my life at once, and am at present seemingly back down to none!)
 
Very good points indeed. I was thinking along the lines of "what are some of the things that first wives enjoy about pm?"

Such as, for example: Having another woman around the house to talk to when girl talk is desired, or alternating time with who watches the kids so that different wives can share some extra quiet time with the husband, or even when the husband is watching the kids, the wives can go out shopping or do something fun which they will both enjoy ( which the husband won't necessarily enjoy )...or whatever.
 
I am currently a first and only wife :) . So I don't know if I should be posting on here really. But I see a number of benefits in practicing PM for myself. Of course, I don't know how much these will actually come into play in a real live situation but it's my thoughts anyway.

1. A best friend. Beyond any other reasons, this is my biggest hope. I don't have any really close friends (aside from my husband) and look forward to her being my best friend and I being hers.

2. A helper around the house. Someone to help me clean, cook and look after children would be wonderful. Please note that I don't want an inbuilt slave :) simply someone to team up with would be great.

3. Someone to love my husband. I love my husband so much. And for someone else to love him and care for him as much as I do would be such a blessing for him. I want him to have that and would love to see that. That would be a blessing for me too.

4. Someone to spend intimate time with him :shock: . I seem to be constantly pregnant and/or breastfeeding and to be honest, sending him to someone else's room to have some fun time would be nice sometimes!

Yes I understand that this sounds like it will all be a bunch of roses and I'm sure it won't be. I'm sure I will struggle with a whole range of emotions including jealousy. But I firmly believe that if God sends us the right person the advantages will hugely outweigh the disadvantages.
 
I agree with both Froggie and Followinghim2.

Being a FW is not always a bed of roses. However when we ALLOW God to guide us in the marriage arena (whether it be plural or mono) we are going to find ultimate fulfillment! My SW is currently not in our home due to finishing her degree. We didn't want to ask her to give up the university of her dreams to move into our home and an inferior school. So our situation is not easy nor difficult as I see it.

I have struggled with jealousy in the past and I still do at times when they spend alone time together :oops: . But you know what, it's nothing I can't pray through. I can see the benefits on a daily basis. I love this woman! In fact I often wonder if I don't love her more than hubby does at times! LOL :lol: ;) I KNOW my God is bigger than any emotion or fear I have and I put my faith in Him to get me through any rough patch!
 
Thank you for your feedback, all of you. It is very helpful. It is interesting to hear that some of you think that at times you love your sisterwife more than your husband does. Interestingly, I've also heard that some have said that the sisterwives sometimes love each other ( in a non sexual way ) more than they love their husband. Have any of you found that to be the case at times?
 
jacobhaivri said:
Interestingly, I've also heard that some have said that the sisterwives sometimes love each other ( in a non sexual way ) more than they love their husband.
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Popping in with 2 cents' worth of opinion:

Wouldn't be surprising whewn you stop to think about it. Depends upon how one defines "love", of course. But they can probably relate to each other better than to him in many ways, as he's, well, MALE. Besides that, their relationship towards each other is not clouded by the ambivalence that so many of us feel towards anyone claiming authority over us. Thus, the give and take between them is almost guaranteed to be easier all around. That, in turn, seems naturally to translate into happier or perhaps closer feelings.
 
FollowingHim2 said:
I am currently a first and only wife :) . So I don't know if I should be posting on here really. But I see a number of benefits in practicing PM for myself. Of course, I don't know how much these will actually come into play in a real live situation but it's my thoughts anyway.

1. A best friend. Beyond any other reasons, this is my biggest hope. I don't have any really close friends (aside from my husband) and look forward to her being my best friend and I being hers.

2. A helper around the house. Someone to help me clean, cook and look after children would be wonderful. Please note that I don't want an inbuilt slave :) simply someone to team up with would be great.

3. Someone to love my husband. I love my husband so much. And for someone else to love him and care for him as much as I do would be such a blessing for him. I want him to have that and would love to see that. That would be a blessing for me too.

4. Someone to spend intimate time with him :shock: . I seem to be constantly pregnant and/or breastfeeding and to be honest, sending him to someone else's room to have some fun time would be nice sometimes!

Yes I understand that this sounds like it will all be a bunch of roses and I'm sure it won't be. I'm sure I will struggle with a whole range of emotions including jealousy. But I firmly believe that if God sends us the right person the advantages will hugely outweigh the disadvantages.
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Do you have an updated perspective to this question?
 
Or any other first wives on here that are living in plural marriage?
Hubby clearly sees the benefits for himself, and clearly sees it would be beneficial for a widow and her many children to be covered and cared for. He wants to hear from first wives what they have benefited from plural.

Can you women that are living as a first wife, in a plural marriage, answer this question for us?
 
I do find it very interesting that there are mostly men in this forum. Men and single women.
Where are the women who are living this successfully? Why, if it’s a biblically acceptable marriage option, are there few that are living it successfully? 🤔
I know there’s Jolene and Meagan, Julie and N’s Babe.
Why is this?
Do you know of some that are living it successfully, yet not on the forum, (for whatever reason) that would be willing to communicate with me?
 
Happyhen said:
I do find it very interesting that there are mostly men in this forum. Men and single women.
Where are the women who are living this successfully? Why, if it’s a biblically acceptable marriage option, are there few that are living it successfully? 🤔
I know there’s Jolene and Meagan, Julie and N’s Babe.
Why is this?
Do you know of some that are living it successfully, yet not on the forum, (for whatever reason) that would be willing to communicate with me?
Click to expand...
Come on the ladies chat if you can. There are a couple of women in there that are plural but don't really comment on the forum. There are other women who have accounts on the forum, but just aren't on much. It seems that those with plural families have a very busy life and have no time for internet forums.
 
Happyhen said:
Do you know of some that are living it successfully, yet not on the forum, (for whatever reason) that would be willing to communicate with me?
Click to expand...
I knew of others over the years. Some that I met on other forums/sites.
There are some with this ministry that go to retreats, but are not on the forum. I usually figured the lack was because those that actually live it are busy with life and family and have better things to do with their time. Kind of like when I was growing up and kept a journal. Most of the days that I wrote about were mundane, as when life was interesting and things were HAPPENING.....I was too busy LIVING to write about it. It's kind of true for me as well now. While I enjoy interacting here, I tend to pop in when I feel for some reason unable to do one of a dozen things I'd rather do....and feel like I can steal a few minutes before doing something I must.

My life has lots of challenges (seems to me some days)....and way less than some folks have.
It's the human experience.
Sharing it with a sisterwife was/is my dream.
....but it isn't going to be that for most first wives living in western nations.
@Happyhen may want to look at the last Archie comic with the country cousin for a chuckle.....and look at the kind of emotional flip we women are capable of. Sadly, in many cases the woman who finds herself a first, but not only wife ....even sometimes those that are positive about polygyny....end up doing an emotional flip to a negative mindset when things don't end up being how they imagined. First and only wives do too. Divorce happens a lot because women don't keep their vows...or take responsibility for their own attitudes and emotions....and men don't understand how easy it can be to keep that lady he doesn't understand happy.
I read three articles yesterday in this publication.....that were all very good.
For you absolute truth loving patriarchs I will say I understand if a part of you objects to how the author says he resigned from being his wife's manager. You don't want to abdicate your authority....and you shouldn't!

I read the one on instilling hope, nagging wives and hurtful husband's, and married to a visionary. All three are at that link above.

I wish I had understood earlier how to be a good wife to a man that is different from my dad.
 
MemeFan said:
☺☺☺☺

Real truth is that, sadly, we less blessed people don't provide enough benefits for plural people to spend time here.
Click to expand...
Wow
 
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