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First Wife Benefits

Happyhen said:
Where are the women who are living this successfully? Why, if it’s a biblically acceptable marriage option, are there few that are living it successfully? 🤔
I know there’s Jolene and Meagan, Julie and N’s Babe.
Why is this?
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My first wife, @MsPurple1, participates often in the ladies chat. Less so on the forum. My second wife @DanaAnn is also a member but just recently joined. I echo the sentiment that plural families are very busy and may not participate here as much as they’d like to.
 
@CatieF and I are still monogamous but extremely busy. I’m not nearly as active as I once was. If I were courting a second or adapting to life with an additional wife, you can guarantee I wouldn’t be on here.
 
NickF said:
@CatieF and I are still monogamous but extremely busy. I’m not nearly as active as I once was. If I were courting a second or adapting to life with an additional wife, you can guarantee I wouldn’t be on here.
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Even being extremely busy.....I liked interacting here. I appreciate the kind of Christians that engage in discussions more than the kind that avoid them.
Then too, I really appreciate the women friends I have from here that are understanding of the feelings, emotions, adjustments, and joys of having a sisterwife. ....especially now that the sister in law I was closest to is now a hostile brat monster when I talk to her (she is the age of my baby sis... and I love them both) and my other sisters in law won't talk to me at all.
Particularly hilarious is how the brat monster who thought when she first met my sisterwife (when she was just the secretary) that she was "Totally adorable" blames me for wearing my poor husband down...making him feel like he must find me a sisterwife....even though he didn't want one.
Like her brother wouldnt be this way naturally... I corrupted him. :rolleyes: 🤣
Believe me, he shared his sisters sentiment ...and more.....understandably so! The neat part is she liked him back!

As life kicks into summer busy....I probably won't be around as much. I am always willing to message, befriend, or support others... even if I'm a pro poly first wife that most cannot relate to.
 
@Happyhen, the forum side of things tends to be more of a masculine, confrontational environment, it attracts men who want to argue about things and that is not a place most ladies feel comfortable. Although there are obvious exceptions to that rule of course, in general the ladies gravitate to the ladies chat instead and then private discussions with each other. So there are certainly ladies here, you just don't see them posting on the forum as much. Go to the ladies chat to meet all the quiet women who are lurking over there! :)
 
FollowingHim said:
@Happyhen, the forum side of things tends to be more of a masculine, confrontational environment, it attracts men who want to argue about things and that is not a place most ladies feel comfortable. Although there are obvious exceptions to that rule of course, in general the ladies gravitate to the ladies chat instead and then private discussions with each other. So there are certainly ladies here, you just don't see them posting on the forum as much. Go to the ladies chat to meet all the quiet women who are lurking over there! :)
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And @Happyhen I'm one of the exceptions he's talking about that likes the forum.... and usually feels overwhelmed by interacting with multiple people in real time....and so doesn't prioritize getting to the chat.
Evening is dinner and milking....and...
 
Happyhen said:
Where are the women who are living this successfully? Why, if it’s a biblically acceptable marriage option, are there few that are living it successfully? 🤔
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There are some strong benefits to marriage, but it is easier to be single. Likewise there are strong benefits to polygamy, but it is easier to be monogamous. Polygamy is like advanced marriage. Everyone knows that marriage is hard. Polygamy is even harder. Those who can do it successfully are highly respected, but few can.
 
cnystrom said:
You might need the support. :)
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I have appreciated the friendship of ladies I met here that understand....including one who is no longer here.
20 years of talking about it didn't help my sister in laws accept this.
Ironically my sisterwife's grandma seems to have accepted us fastest. She visits us most Saturdays.
I have two sister in laws that won't speak to me at all....or answer the phone....or respond to texts. One that will talk to me...but doesnt want to.
You may find this community nicer than you think!
 
Joleneakamama said:
I have two sister in laws that won't speak to me at all....or answer the phone....or respond to texts. One that will talk to me...but doesnt want to.
You may find this community nicer than you think!
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In happier news....our husband has recently been invited (with her of course) to the home of one of her family members.
 
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The Revolting Man said:
That seem positive.
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Yes. He ended up not going as he had planting to do in the garden and she ended up spending a large part of Mother's day with her mom, and then dad and grandma.
I'm sure we are going to outlast their awkward....they'll have all the time they need.

Her grandma has been coming down on Saturdays so now the little on knows her Great Grandma better than her aunties. She's happy in grandma's arms. Maybe now that they see the difference, the aunties will start coming on Saturdays too!
:)
Even week is a long time to a one year old.
Some of mine at that age didn't know my mom...but knew hubby's neice. It's all about who's in their day to day life.
 
cnystrom said:
There are some strong benefits to marriage, but it is easier to be single. Likewise there are strong benefits to polygamy, but it is easier to be monogamous. Polygamy is like advanced marriage. Everyone knows that marriage is hard. Polygamy is even harder. Those who can do it successfully are highly respected, but few can.
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20 years ago when I first talked to my sisters (all four of them) about my wish for a sisterwife one said "Isn't marriage hard enough? Why would you want to make it harder?" I hadn't found marriage to be difficult....doing life with my best friend was living a dream. I didn't think adding another compatible someone would be harder, just DIFFERENT.
Being an only wife is its own kind of hard. When you have to be the only assistant to your husband running his business, the only cook in the kitchen, the only mom caring for todlers, the only mom schooling the childen. Add in trying to oversee livestock, the garden, the orchard. By the time I had our fifth child I was stressed and overwhelmed. Things started getting easier as our oldest children got old enough to remember what you asked them to do long enough to do it. But We had 8 children in our first 15 years.....

I now understand why first wives have a hard time. Any insecurity....any weak spot in your relationship with your husband may become more apparent once he has another relationship to juggle into his life. If the first wife had doubts about polygyny to begin with, she might wrongly blame the new relationship or person for the issues that come up.....and resent the new wife.....instead of just realizing that fault or weak spot was already there.

I read lots on line at sites like this....and was not afraid of polygyny. I wanted it. It was my first choice for how to spend the rest of my life. Part of the appeal was having another someone to build a permanent relationship with. This means I am HAPPY that my husband's former secretary accepted a permanent position....and HAPPY that she thinks he is wonderful.
In that reading I did....I'd read comments from first wives that had sisterwives share that their husbands became better men ... better husbands.....better fathers through the experience of 'covering' and husbanding another woman.

There was certainly a lot of adjusting for all of us.. as we each were in a new role. I used to tell my husband in the early years of marriage "I've never been here before." Polygyny put all three of us into new places, places we'd never been before. I got to be there when her baby girl was born....(try to) figure out how to help with the baby (without overstepping her comfort level as the mom) my dear husband is now OUR husband! ...and WE BOTH love and need him. This means I have something precious in common with that wonderful lady that is part of his household....and our family.

Admittedly I have only had a sisterwife for almost 2 years....and @julieb says it takes a few years for everyone to really settle in....but this is just for better or worse.....and happily ever aftering.. ..with another dimension...

So now this meme needs another ring...and another S on the end!
Screenshot_20230131_122508_Brave.jpg
 
Joleneakamama said:
20 years ago when I first talked to my sisters (all four of them) about my wish for a sisterwife one said "Isn't marriage hard enough? Why would you want to make it harder?" I hadn't found marriage to be difficult....doing life with my best friend was living a dream. I didn't think adding another compatible someone would be harder, just DIFFERENT.
Being an only wife is its own kind of hard. When you have to be the only assistant to your husband running his business, the only cook in the kitchen, the only mom caring for todlers, the only mom schooling the childen. Add in trying to oversee livestock, the garden, the orchard. By the time I had our fifth child I was stressed and overwhelmed. Things started getting easier as our oldest children got old enough to remember what you asked them to do long enough to do it. But We had 8 children in our first 15 years.....

I now understand why first wives have a hard time. Any insecurity....any weak spot in your relationship with your husband may become more apparent once he has another relationship to juggle into his life. If the first wife had doubts about polygyny to begin with, she might wrongly blame the new relationship or person for the issues that come up.....and resent the new wife.....instead of just realizing that fault or weak spot was already there.

I read lots on line at sites like this....and was not afraid of polygyny. I wanted it. It was my first choice for how to spend the rest of my life. Part of the appeal was having another someone to build a permanent relationship with. This means I am HAPPY that my husband's former secretary accepted a permanent position....and HAPPY that she thinks he is wonderful.
In that reading I did....I'd read comments from first wives that had sisterwives share that their husbands became better men ... better husbands.....better fathers through the experience of 'covering' and husbanding another woman.

There was certainly a lot of adjusting for all of us.. as we each were in a new role. I used to tell my husband in the early years of marriage "I've never been here before." Polygyny put all three of us into new places, places we'd never been before. I got to be there when her baby girl was born....(try to) figure out how to help with the baby (without overstepping her comfort level as the mom) my dear husband is now OUR husband! ...and WE BOTH love and need him. This means I have something precious in common with that wonderful lady that is part of his household....and our family.

Admittedly I have only had a sisterwife for almost 2 years....and @julieb says it takes a few years for everyone to really settle in....but this is just for better or worse.....and happily ever aftering.. ..with another dimension...

So now this meme needs another ring...and another S on the end!
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Yours was a beautiful post.

Admittedly my post was simplistic post to explain a point. Judging from success rates most people seem to find it harder. Enough so so that the official response is sometimes don't do it!

I think perhaps a better phrase instead of harder is "more complicated". I think this is what Paul was getting at when he said it was better to remain single.

BUT! Certainly a marriage can make your life easier, and an extra wife can make family life easier. And if you are one of those that does find life easier and with more joy then that is evidence that you all are doing something right, and you are in the blessed subset of those who are successful at this and are an inspiration for the rest of us.
 
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