Sounds too good to be true...
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Hints for finding a second...
- Thread starter PeteR
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Sounds too good to be true...
Perhaps in the USA, but not everywhere else.
Just my two cents, of course, but I believe a lot of older men either have already learned or will eventually realize they're already in the process of learning that dating as a young man for a solitary wife is an entirely different animal from dating as an older man for an add-on wife. Sometimes, too, we look back on our earlier dating and marrying experience with rose-colored glasses and then think we can replicate that this time around.
There is such a thing as having too damn many expectations one expects a 2nd wife to meet (and way too much danger that many of the expectations are being designed by one's 1st wife). @steve and others helped me learn quite a while ago that this is evidence that one is missing the point, especially from a scriptural point of view: the primary point of plural marriage is not to multiply one's own blessings (and, yes, of course, it's not to refrain from accepting multiplied blessings) but to multiply the blessings of a woman (and, in some cases of her children as well) who was previously bereft of male leadership and companionship.
In point of fact, most all of the women who would match our wish lists already have husbands all to themselves if they want them.
If one isn't prepared for major baggage, a blow-up sex doll -- or a fancy robot, if one is in that income bracket -- might be more in order.
I have no doubt they do, and we've all met a number of them at Biblical Families gatherings. However, we do have to deal with the conundrum associated with the fact that, despite single women being 50% more prevalent than single men, in Western Civilization 95% of the single women believe it would be a greater matter of shame to share a husband than to be a spinster.
This is true not just in the USA but across the outposts of Western Civilization: Europe, Down Under and North America -- as well as any cultures who in some major way look to the Western world for their cues (all countries with significant emigration rates to the U.S., so that includes India, China, S. Korea, Japan, Singapore) -- but it's clear to me from friends and associates who have traveled elsewhere (the rest of Asia; Africa; much of South America; the Middle East) that the absence of such resistance is the antithesis of what we find here in the United States (I formerly had a black friend in Atlanta who consistently made another trip to Jamaica each time he wanted an additional wife, because he was confident Jamaican women were among the least likely to be either Westernized after they got here or swayed to become part of ghetto culture).
I have a sweet, beautiful, talented, family minded cousin that is now in her 40's.
Still living at home. She has turned down two offers to be a second wife. Her family actually accepts polygyny, and have been sweet and supportive of our family. We recently visited with the new baby girl and my single cousin held her and loved on her, and the little darling took a nap in her arms. It just seems so sad to me that this cousin has no children of her own, yet loves them so. She has nieces and nephews.....but they rarely have time for the single aunt once they are grown and busy with their own families.
This is tremendously poignant -- and it perfectly encapsulates the incongruence of our times.
Thanks, Jolene.
These two thoughts really do fit together.
Dating and marrying a first wife is not the same as dating and marrying a plural. Like you said it's a whole different set of requirements for everyone involved.
A young man can marry a young woman for whatever reason. But to attract a plural he's going to have to demonstrate some sort of qualities that set him apart from other men. #1 in my experience is this kind of man has a successful and established marriage, family, and home.
No offense to anyone here but I think the same qualities that make an Other Woman attracted to a man she wants to steal away or at least have an affair with are similar to the qualities that attract a plural.
The difference is that the plural doesn't want to break up a marriage, family, or household.
Pure Gold, Megan.
...in the Philippines.
Of course, and I haven't forgotten to keep an eye out for your 18 year old Christian NBSB virgin orphan girl.
What is she looking for in a man? Another way to ask that question is do you know or understand the reason she rejected the two offers?
Simple. The offers were from married men and she doesn't want to be a second wife.
Got it. I misunderstood
Thanks