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Meet a potential alone or with FW?
- Thread starter NewBeginning
- Start date
Except who with one with one fish on the hook waits to land it until they have caught another? Someone with all the excitement of a promising relationship/partner doesn't put that relationship on hold while they look for another!
So....I doubt your theory will be deliberately tested. Joe Darger married two the same day. He had them both interested in him before he pursued getting to know either. II'm retty ssure though that this is not common.
Marry twin sisters....
I fully agree with your analysis. I believe it is rare. When I was young, I had a cousin dating two ladies at the same time. They all knew this.
He loved them both and in the end, believed he had to make a choice under the monogamy lie. He would have had a very different approach if he knew that he could have married them both.
I can only speak to my own experience here. I joined as a third wife and met the second wife first. Then I met the family including the first wife.
The first wife was friendly enough and the second wife was awesome and very wanting me to join. Which I did.
For me all of my questions were answered because of how I met my family.
Like is this just the husband's idea? Clearly it wasn't.
Would I fit in and be welcomed by the other two women? Yup.
This was just me and it was also where I was at the time I met my family. Meeting the 2nd put me at ease.
As a woman who has been there, first meet should be alone. It is VERY intimidating for a married couple to walk up to you with him smiling and her staring at every part of you. If it is a long trip, drop FW off at a shopping mall or somewhere close where she will be safe but not able to stare from around the corner. I assume the FW and prospective partner have already talked and been cordial to each other. But, even with that, it makes you feel like a small child with two people walking up on you like uh hello. Him and her would be more relaxed for a 20 min conversation get a first hug in, see how that chemistry is. If it is a straight no, go pick up FW and head on home. Because honestly, if the man doesn’t have the chemistry with the prospect, who cares if the FW does?? It is the man’s relationship with the wife and the FW has an opinion, but his is the deciding one. The wives getting along is about adjustment and patience. The man and prospect is the main factor and their chemistry and how they get along.
It certainly would be ideal! Lol
oh okay. So you secured the relationship by yourself before introducing to your wife. It worked better. I can’t help but think that it must depend on the persons involved. I am trying to discern which is better.
Thank you for your input. I can certainly understand how it can be intimidating.
I will talk to her about this, see how she feels.
But I keep in mind your suggestion.
I obviously have to SPELL everything.
What is/are thing(s) which make marriage different from any other type of relationship?
Sex and children. Therefore, any relationship whose purpose are sex/children is marriage by essence. Therefore anyone who on purpose avoids sex/children is person avoiding marriage.
In existing marriage this is breaking existing coventant. No exceptions.
Also, person asking for advice is male which matters in specific way. Since for women biological clock runs way faster than for men, usually failure mode is man taking sweet time for children production. Since in this situation women can't get what she needs on time, she will leave relationship.
If you wonder how normal woman gets to 40s without children this is mechanism. Few serious boyfriends who avoid fertilization.
Also, man-female relationships are simple.
1. Are you for sex?
2. Under which conditions?
Unless you are looking for friend of opposite sex, sex is central topic. Impossible to avoid.
To conclude, to advance male-female relationship it must move toward sex and children. Otherwise, biological imperatives can't be satisfied dooming relationship in advance.
Just because I didn't specify it must be under conditions of marriage, doesn't mean my advice was do it outside of marriage. Hello. It was about what is neccesary for relationship to prosper and how to test is opposite side serious.
In same way, in business setting if there is no chance for money exchange, whole situation is time waster.
Also, widow interest in sex with @NewBeginning will reveal is @NewBeginning widow plan A or plan B. Yes, sometimes women keep in contact with plan B man while trying to get plan A man. Obviously, it sucks to be plan B man whose best option is to break with such woman and spend time on women for whom he is plan A.
Notice I didn't say have sex. Reaction to kissing can speak even louder than reaction to sex because some women perceive kissing as having greater intimacy than sex.
Don't say I have claimed or implied something which doesn't logically follow.
Also, just because I said unconventional and unwelcome TRUTHFULL advice doesn't mean it deserves to be punished by deleting.
I get what you’re saying. If there is no prospect for or interest in sex then this is a doomed relationship or at most a cordial friendship. Your advice is to use this first meeting as a way to to try and judge the sexual compatibility of the match as that will give the largest amount of immediate insight into the potential of the relationship.I obviously have to SPELL everything.
What is/are thing(s) which make marriage different from any other type of relationship?
Sex and children. Therefore, any relationship whose purpose are sex/children is marriage by essence. Therefore anyone who on purpose avoids sex/children is person avoiding marriage.
In existing marriage this is breaking existing coventant. No exceptions.
Also, person asking for advice is male which matters in specific way. Since for women biological clock runs way faster than for men, usually failure mode is man taking sweet time for children production. Since in this situation women can't get what she needs on time, she will leave relationship.
If you wonder how normal woman gets to 40s without children this is mechanism. Few serious boyfriends who avoid fertilization.
Also, man-female relationships are simple.
1. Are you for sex?
2. Under which conditions?
Unless you are looking for friend of opposite sex, sex is central topic. Impossible to avoid.
To conclude, to advance male-female relationship it must move toward sex and children. Otherwise, biological imperatives can't be satisfied dooming relationship in advance.
Just because I didn't specify it must be under conditions of marriage, doesn't mean my advice was do it outside of marriage. Hello. It was about what is neccesary for relationship to prosper and how to test is opposite side serious.
In same way, in business setting if there is no chance for money exchange, whole situation is time waster.
Also, widow interest in sex with @NewBeginning will reveal is @NewBeginning widow plan A or plan B. Yes, sometimes women keep in contact with plan B man while trying to get plan A man. Obviously, it sucks to be plan B man whose best option is to break with such woman and spend time on women for whom he is plan A.
Notice I didn't say have sex. Reaction to kissing can speak even louder than reaction to sex because some women perceive kissing as having greater intimacy than sex.
Don't say I have claimed or implied something which doesn't logically follow.
Also, just because I said unconventional and unwelcome TRUTHFULL advice doesn't mean it deserves to be punished by deleting.
This is not, in your opinion to have sex right away and see what happens but to be in such a setting that any potential impediments to sexual attraction are identified early.
We talked about sex and children,I obviously have to SPELL everything.
What is/are thing(s) which make marriage different from any other type of relationship?
Sex and children. Therefore, any relationship whose purpose are sex/children is marriage by essence. Therefore anyone who on purpose avoids sex/children is person avoiding marriage.
In existing marriage this is breaking existing coventant. No exceptions.
Also, person asking for advice is male which matters in specific way. Since for women biological clock runs way faster than for men, usually failure mode is man taking sweet time for children production. Since in this situation women can't get what she needs on time, she will leave relationship.
If you wonder how normal woman gets to 40s without children this is mechanism. Few serious boyfriends who avoid fertilization.
Also, man-female relationships are simple.
1. Are you for sex?
2. Under which conditions?
Unless you are looking for friend of opposite sex, sex is central topic. Impossible to avoid.
To conclude, to advance male-female relationship it must move toward sex and children. Otherwise, biological imperatives can't be satisfied dooming relationship in advance.
Just because I didn't specify it must be under conditions of marriage, doesn't mean my advice was do it outside of marriage. Hello. It was about what is neccesary for relationship to prosper and how to test is opposite side serious.
In same way, in business setting if there is no chance for money exchange, whole situation is time waster.
Also, widow interest in sex with @NewBeginning will reveal is @NewBeginning widow plan A or plan B. Yes, sometimes women keep in contact with plan B man while trying to get plan A man. Obviously, it sucks to be plan B man whose best option is to break with such woman and spend time on women for whom he is plan A.
Notice I didn't say have sex. Reaction to kissing can speak even louder than reaction to sex because some women perceive kissing as having greater intimacy than sex.
Don't say I have claimed or implied something which doesn't logically follow.
Also, just because I said unconventional and unwelcome TRUTHFULL advice doesn't mean it deserves to be punished by deleting.
And it’s definitely wanted for both of us.
I do not consider rushing sex but she wants children, and I am willing too.
It absolutely depends on the actual person.
Neither method is better, it depends on the circumstances. My reason for posting was to show that going what looks like the better way doesn’t really ensure success.
I adhere to the rule that if you move into his house then the prospect for sex is a given and it's up to him. Or else don't move in.
And this is why you are the BibFam centerfold playmate of all time. You’re our Bettie Page.
Good point
It’s not that simple you need a Bill of Divorcement from him.
Nope they don’t ever care.
This is the worst advice I have ever read. Building a marriage off of a sexual relationship or lack thereof is an absolute dumpster fire waiting to happen. Sex can’t be the end all be all of a relationship, there are more things marriage is predicated on than sex. At most if you having sex everyday Thats maybe an hour tops what are you doing the other 23 hrs of your day?I obviously have to SPELL everything.
What is/are thing(s) which make marriage different from any other type of relationship?
Sex and children. Therefore, any relationship whose purpose are sex/children is marriage by essence. Therefore anyone who on purpose avoids sex/children is person avoiding marriage.
In existing marriage this is breaking existing coventant. No exceptions.
Also, person asking for advice is male which matters in specific way. Since for women biological clock runs way faster than for men, usually failure mode is man taking sweet time for children production. Since in this situation women can't get what she needs on time, she will leave relationship.
If you wonder how normal woman gets to 40s without children this is mechanism. Few serious boyfriends who avoid fertilization.
Also, man-female relationships are simple.
1. Are you for sex?
2. Under which conditions?
Unless you are looking for friend of opposite sex, sex is central topic. Impossible to avoid.
To conclude, to advance male-female relationship it must move toward sex and children. Otherwise, biological imperatives can't be satisfied dooming relationship in advance.
Just because I didn't specify it must be under conditions of marriage, doesn't mean my advice was do it outside of marriage. Hello. It was about what is neccesary for relationship to prosper and how to test is opposite side serious.
In same way, in business setting if there is no chance for money exchange, whole situation is time waster.
Also, widow interest in sex with @NewBeginning will reveal is @NewBeginning widow plan A or plan B. Yes, sometimes women keep in contact with plan B man while trying to get plan A man. Obviously, it sucks to be plan B man whose best option is to break with such woman and spend time on women for whom he is plan A.
Notice I didn't say have sex. Reaction to kissing can speak even louder than reaction to sex because some women perceive kissing as having greater intimacy than sex.
Don't say I have claimed or implied something which doesn't logically follow.
Also, just because I said unconventional and unwelcome TRUTHFULL advice doesn't mean it deserves to be punished by deleting.
First wife went with me to meet second wife in person. She lived nearby so we both drove to her house and met her. We then went out on a group date. I also had individual dates with her. With third wife, we also all met her in person. She lived a long ways away and flew in to meet us. I believe all of us, myself, FW, 2ndW, went to pick her up and we all spent time together that evening. Next day FW and 3W went out for girls time shopping, if I remember correctly.
So to answer question in each case we all met, not just me. I had individual dates, but not upon the first meeting. Of course all of this was after communicating online for a period of time, in which all of us communicated, not just me and the potential wife.
So to answer question in each case we all met, not just me. I had individual dates, but not upon the first meeting. Of course all of this was after communicating online for a period of time, in which all of us communicated, not just me and the potential wife.
Thank you for sharing.
My husband's other love worked with his business as his secretary for about a year before their relationship changed.
During that time she came down on Saturdays when we had a community hosting and got to know the whole family (nine children from 3 to 23) while playing volleyball and just "hanging out."
When he asked her out they went alone. She was decisive and had already contemplated the possibility, so when things changed with them it was a pretty fast thing. About three weeks after that "first date" she had a ring on her finger and was commited.
They are going on three years and have two children together now.
During that time she came down on Saturdays when we had a community hosting and got to know the whole family (nine children from 3 to 23) while playing volleyball and just "hanging out."
When he asked her out they went alone. She was decisive and had already contemplated the possibility, so when things changed with them it was a pretty fast thing. About three weeks after that "first date" she had a ring on her finger and was commited.
They are going on three years and have two children together now.