Welcome! Sadly, your story is all too common.
I agree. I have my struggles, but it's where we go and do. I noticed the patterns in my family lines: single motherhood, divorce, abuse, and children's needs unmet.
The question I asked growing up is: what is in my heart, and does it align with God's purpose for us?
I understand looking back that even if I didn't think too high of myself or lack of faith, God was always there.
I sometimes find myself just thinking: "Haven't I done enough?" When it comes to the not so easy things I face now.
I also learned the consequences of when you just alway cut corners and not embrace the lessons being taught in struggles.
Granted we always get the lessons after the test.
I have received blessings due to wanting to do the right things even when facing adversity.
It is seeing and feeling the authentic love garnered from choosing love grounded in truth amd finally facing fears is what sets me free each day at a time from that evil.