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Plural Marriage... My Story Thus Far

Maverick said:
It has been so awesome and I have seen my wife submit to me in other areas of our marriage. Smaller areas where she would usually just argue with me, now she catches herself and submits. Not perfect, but really, really nice.
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And I can relate.... :cool:
 
Jeff Ray said:
As can I. Though my second relationship ended disastrously and my wife and I spent a long time healing, the experience drew us together like nothing else ever has.[/QUOT

I am really sorry to hear about your second relationship ending badly. God bless you and your wife.
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Welcome!

I loved reading your story and am looking forward to reading what happens next. You are really doing great so far. Obedience and courage in following the Lord and not the world is very exciting.

I still only have 1 wife, but the whole experience of learning about what God really wants from marriage has been a great blessing to my wife and I. It is like the tip of an iceburg of growth that you never really even knew existed before.

God bless you and your family.
 
cnystrom said:
Welcome!

I loved reading your story and am looking forward to reading what happens next. You are really doing great so far. Obedience and courage in following the Lord and not the world is very exciting.

I still only have 1 wife, but the whole experience of learning about what God really wants from marriage has been a great blessing to my wife and I. It is like the tip of an iceburg of growth that you never really even knew existed before.

God bless you and your family.
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Thank you:) I really appreciate all of the fellowship, advice and support!

Man... I am really looking forward to seeing the next steps play out whatever they may be and to whatever end. The verse saying that we walk by faith and not by sight came up in the last couple of days out of the blue and with nobody around. Really appropriate because on one hand, with what I am seeing around me I would think this life scenario to be impossible as there are so many moving parts. But as we know that there is nothing impossible with God. And on the other hand, even though there are 1000 different ways (certainly 100 for sure), for it to all crumble at anytime during this process from beginning to end...I believe that The Lord will give me this Christian sister for a wife and that my family will blend well even with the known struggles that family and marriage bring.

I am not a blab it and grab it /name it claim it kind of person, but it is as if it is already done and The Lord is just working on these ladies (My 1st wife and hopeful 2nd),in His way and His time. Whatever the end... Christ is my exceeding and great reward!

I would like to thank you cnystrom and all the others here on biblicalfamilies.org. The Lord has used this ministry to give me great comfort. Praise His Holy Name:)

God bless you and your family as well!
 
Thank you for sharing your journey! My prayers go up for you.

Maverick said:
r. Since then, my wife seems the happiest she has ever been in our marriage and we have been acting like newly weds.
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This is probably the result of competition anxiety. It's a good response, but doesn't necessarily mean she's feeling like she did when you were newlyweds or that she's down for poly yet.
 
rockfox said:
Thank you for sharing your journey! My prayers go up for you.



This is probably the result of competition anxiety. It's a good response, but doesn't necessarily mean she's feeling like she did when you were newlyweds or that she's down for poly yet.
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Roger that! I get that for sure. And I am certainly in the belief that my wife is not ready for poly. Only Christ can change her heart on that. Again, I also know that I do not need her permission to take another wife(s), but I desire her buy in that can only come by The Grace of God.

The competition anxiety you mention is certainly at play here and it has set my house in order. Not that I want to dangle other women in front of the nose of my wife, but now that she realizes in Christ she has zero control over me, has woke a youthful zeal for our relationship from her. Prior to this, adult relations was monthly, obligatory and all but dead. Not anymore!:) I praise and thank The Lord Jesus.

In closing, I am not under any delusion. Even if my wife get's upset again, I am right in the sight of God on this issue and stand firm on The Rock.
 
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Maverick said:
but now that she realizes in Christ she has zero control over me, has woke a youthful zeal for our relationship from her. Prior to this, adult relations was monthly, obligatory and all but dead. Not anymore!
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Oh wow, for sure then. Awesome news!

What this is is a spark. I would expect it to last a few days to a few weeks if not fed. But if you feed this little flame with flirting, romance, and increased dominance and leadership in all facets of your life this can grow into a raging fire and polygamy or not, you'll both have a better relationship for it. But overt nagging about poly or other women will quench it.
 
rockfox said:
Oh wow, for sure then. Awesome news!

What this is is a spark. I would expect it to last a few days to a few weeks if not fed. But if you feed this little flame with flirting, romance, and increased dominance and leadership in all facets of your life this can grow into a raging fire and polygamy or not, you'll both have a better relationship for it. But overt nagging about poly or other women will quench it.
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Thank you for the advice and encouragement. I love to flirt with my wife and over the past five years have slowly moved in the direction of dominance. But since The Lord had me talk to her about my desire for Poly... I have been and felt unquestioned dominance and it feels great. The more my wife submits, I have not felt the need to rule but lead as a loving and kind shepherd. Praise The Lord!
 
rockfox said:
Thank you for sharing your journey! My prayers go up for you.

This is probably the result of competition anxiety. It's a good response, but doesn't necessarily mean she's feeling like she did when you were newlyweds or that she's down for poly yet.
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Anxiety may be the wrong term. For whatever reason women look up to a man more when there is another woman in the picture who admires the man she is interested in. It is like a confirmation that she picked well. She does not really want the man that no other woman wants.

In my opinion this is healthy has long as everyone has everyone else's best interests at heart. The real question is are you all on the same team? However, if competition really is in her heart, that is not healthy and should be discouraged. Competition is more dangerous than jealousy.

There is no need to try to recapture that newlywed feeling. Each phase of life has its own feelings good and bad.
 
cnystrom said:
Anxiety may be the wrong term. For whatever reason women look up to a man more when there is another woman in the picture who admires the man she is interested in. It is like a confirmation that she picked well. She does not really want the man that no other woman wants.

In my opinion this is healthy has long as everyone has everyone else's best interests at heart. The real question is are you all on the same team? However, if competition really is in her heart, that is not healthy and should be discouraged. Competition is more dangerous than jealousy.

There is no need to try to recapture that newlywed feeling. Each phase of life has its own feelings good and bad.
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Hi and thank you for your advice and input:) In my vision, there should be zero competition and zero comparison. Just like the body of Christ has varying gifts all of equal importance and value, so should each member of a family have various/different gifts and distinct value and importance. If there is any competition or comparison it would be due to the flesh of those individuals and not by my doing as I believe that one day I will stand accountable before the judgement seat of Christ and that God is to be feared, loved and not mocked.

As far as recapturing that newlywed feeling, that was a bit of a figure of speech. I was just trying to demonstrate a newfound zeal from my wife towards me in all areas of our marriage. To that point, she has not nagged me one little bit or displayed any negative attitude since the discussion. I get that this could end and a fit of rage can come about... But again, I stand on the Rock of Christ.

Thank you and Praise The Lord!
 
cnystrom said:
Anxiety may be the wrong term. For whatever reason women look up to a man more when there is another woman in the picture who admires the man she is interested in. It is like a confirmation that she picked well. She does not really want the man that no other woman wants.
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This has been true in my experience. It's a bit dissonant for the woman to have both admiration and resentment at the same time, but I've seen it happen.
 
cnystrom said:
Anxiety may be the wrong term. For whatever reason women look up to a man more when there is another woman in the picture who admires the man she is interested in. It is like a confirmation that she picked well. She does not really want the man that no other woman wants.

In my opinion this is healthy has long as everyone has everyone else's best interests at heart. The real question is are you all on the same team? However, if competition really is in her heart, that is not healthy and should be discouraged. Competition is more dangerous than jealousy.

There is no need to try to recapture that newlywed feeling. Each phase of life has its own feelings good and bad.
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Confirmation is a thing but a different thing. But I don't think competition anxiety is a bad thing; it can be good. It depends on how the woman handles it. It can lead to jealousy/bitterness/etc, or it can motivate her to improve herself. I don't subscribe to the belief that all feelbads are evil.
 
rockfox said:
Confirmation is a thing but a different thing. But I don't think competition anxiety is a bad thing; it can be good. It depends on how the woman handles it. It can lead to jealousy/bitterness/etc, or it can motivate her to improve herself. I don't subscribe to the belief that all feelbads are evil.
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The problem with competition is that it prioritizes self over other. I think the recipe for success is cooperation, teamwork and goodwill.

Not all horses easily work in a team. My ex-courtship was very competitive. I guess she "won" whatever she was trying to prove, but it did not work so well if her goal was to join my family.

But I do not claim to be an expert. Check with those who are successful.
 
cnystrom said:
The problem with competition is that it prioritizes self over other. I think the recipe for success is cooperation, teamwork and goodwill.

Not all horses easily work in a team. My ex-courtship was very competitive. I guess she "won" whatever she was trying to prove, but it did not work so well if her goal was to join my family.

But I do not claim to be an expert. Check with those who are successful.
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True. But like jealousy competition anxiety is an involuntary, even subconscious feeling. What matters is how she responds to it. If she responds by becoming a more loving and submissive wife. Great!

This isn't just about another woman in the picture. If a man starts getting in shape and loosing weight, this instinct can spur her to do so as well (when she was previously resistant to getting healthier) in order to match his level of attractiveness. Nothing wrong with that. In the converse, it can also spur her to start baking cookies for him. All (potentially) subconscious reactions.
 
Competition is more dangerous than jealousy.
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I will agree with this. After my ex-girlfriend broke with us for unrelated reasons, my clear-eyed wife, knowing our friend better than I, pointed out that competition between wives, not jealousy, would have been my greatest challenge. Only after my eyes had cleared was I able to see this too.
 
Unless all family members are perfect and completely free of influence from the enemy, feelings of jealousy and competition will be present at times.
The key is managing, working through/past those feelings. Not pretending that they can be outlawed.
 
steve said:
Unless all family members are perfect and completely free of influence from the enemy, feelings of jealousy and competition will be present at times.
The key is managing, working through/past those feelings. Not pretending that they can be outlawed.
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Yes indeed. That's the humbling reality of remembering we all still sin at times; husband and wife/wives.
 
I will pray for Hashem's blessing and guidance. I married.my high school boyfriend and we have been married for 36 years. Just about 2 years ago from watching sister/wife show. Hashem put it in my heart that it was good to let my husband have another wife. He worked on me
And behold she came and they were married in October of 2018. We all live together in the same house. And we all go on single dates and we also all 3 go on a date together and me and.my sister/wife go on little girls outing. I had to learn that my husband never wanted to replace me but to add. And realize he will always love me. He is an awesome man and he.loves both of us. So if she gets to worrying about her place with u just remind her ur not replacing but adding. Hashem will work on her just keep her and what u know Hashem wants u to do for ur family and all will be well. Shalom and keep us all updated
 
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