Ranked criteria for your family

[paterfamilias]

I was going to put this in the men's section but it occurs to me that wives will absolutely have their own ideals in a new family sisterwife and that the single ladies will have plenty of criteria for the family they are seeking.

I am starting the thread so I will pitch mine first and y'all jump in so we can see if there is a lot of consensus or just tones of outliers etc.
Stable - can be a little crazy, prefer crazy fun or crazy smart or crazy loving but so long as it is all positive stuff and...stable. maybe just crazy enough to follow where I lead
Devoted to polygamy - I really would prefer that someone has taken the time to think it through and examined all the potential ups and downs and made a decision based on study of the plural marriage and not just wanting to try something new or it looked fun on TV
Smart - don't need to be a genius but both of us are talkers and for stoics pretty prosocial so the need to be able to have conversations are pretty fundamental
Must love/want kids - this should be pretty self explanatory
Prefer strong faith - sounds odd from me but I know that strong faith corolates to increased happiness, better life outcomes and...well, quite a list of positive outcomes
Potential best pal to first wife - self explanatory
Misc - obvious stuff everyone wants. Honest, loving, committed and so on. Less concerned about appearance than character. Pretty is nice but pretty doest make you a good wife

How about y'all? Especially the wives and single ladies searching. I imagine a bunch of the guys will have similar basic ideas to mine, so hearing y'all's may be more interesting. Inclufimg the ladies who have been through the successful process in the past and what you had in mind while searching

 

[frederick]

Yes, stable, intelligent, etc., no disagreement there. She needs to be on the same page in the same Book as me, fear God, and be willing to follow my lead.

 

[FollowingHim]

Was born with a vagina.

 

[Lotus]

So my criteria for a hypothetical third wive to our husband would be:

Proactive: Not a lazy person who leaves all the hardwork to others. In a big house there's always work to be done, especially with kids around.
Good with children: Whether or not she becomes a mother herself (that's our husband's decision), she will be living in a house with children who need to be loved and cared for.
Really into polygamy: Someone who trully understands what being in a polygamous marriage implies, with all its ups and downs. She must realise that her husband is also the husband of two other wives.
Good faith: Someone who acts in good faith and doesn't gossip behind the back or incite quarrels with others.

Of course there are other criteria, but I feel those should be set by our husband, not me. I tried to focus on the main aspects that would influence my relationship with her.

 

[frederick]

Was born with a vagina.

I forgot that one! Definitely at the top of my list.

 

[The Revolting Man]

Submission, she has to agree that no matter what; any time our wills conflict that mine must prevail. It doesn’t matter if I’m wrong, destructive, bad, mean or insensitive. If we disagree then I win. This has worked well in my monogamous marriage and I won’t compromise on it on a polygamous one.

After that, I want a woman that I want to have children with. I want to look at her and think,”Her children will improve my line.”

After that, I like tall women who look like they can work hard. And boobs. I really like boobs.

 

[paterfamilias]

Was born with a vagina.

In NZ they are keeping it loose and easy, options open but with one hard border

 

[paterfamilias]

After that, I like tall women who look like they can work hard. And boobs. I really like boobs.

You too? I like the look of them in the knee high riding boots with the whole riding tack vibe going on. Sexy but modest if the coat covers the...hey...wait a minute!

He did Not say boots

 

[MemeFan]

Person you wil be glad when she says she is pregnant. Just imagine opposite.

 

[frederick]

Ok, ok, born with a vagina and grows up having B( . )( . )BS.

 

[paterfamilias]

Person you wil be glad when she says she is pregnant.

I like it

 

[MeganC]

Was born with a vagina.

 

[paterfamilias]

Just saw a reference that I thought fit my criteria really well.

Or I suppose one could say an example of what I do not want for the family. No main character syndrome.
I had never heard the term before but it is an easy enough concept to grasp and it makes sense in our context since we think that the family and kids should always come first before any adults.

 

[FollowingHim]

To elaborate on my somewhat jocular answer above - I don't actually have a list of criteria, ranked or otherwise. I'm not intentionally hunting for another wife, so I don't have a checklist to score her against. If another woman turns up that I should marry, I'll recognise her at the time, and she will no doubt differ at least a bit from any checklist that I could come up with. In fact, if I had a list of criteria, the more detailed it was the more likely it would be to cause me to dismiss the very woman that God was surprising me with. To be honest, Sarah wasn't exactly who I was expecting, but was better than I could have planned, so I know from experience it is far better for me to run with God's leading than with my own presuppositions. So I don't take the time to write one.

Which means you could say that my above answer is actually my entire list - though that could give somewhat the wrong impression...

 

[Ruth Elizabeth]

I want my children to grow up with the same religion I believe, so to marry a man who believes and teaches the same is important. Especially since I am a woman, and the husband is supposed to be the head of the home just as how Christ is the head of the Church. So if he says that his family is going to worship in a certain way, you follow him and trust him

 

[OttoM]

A house divided can not stand. So submission to me as the head of the household is a must. Also, she must get along well with the rest of the household (current wife and kids).

She has some fruit of the Spirit - things like kind, loving, gentle, meek (open to correction), and faithful. If she has more fruit of the flesh - things like hateful, cussing, rebellious, and such things as those - I will pass.

Those are the three major things. A lot of the other things directly ties to the husband being the head. For example - if she wants kids later but I want kids now - then obviously as the head it’s my will.

 

[NBTX11]

And boobs. I really like boobs.

I like butts.

Sir Mix-A-Lot sang (rapped?) a song about it.

Seriously, though she must be submissive. I’m not expecting perfection, but she must be willing to try

She must enjoy helping. It’s kind of hard to be a helper, if you don’t like or resent helping

Willingness to fit in seamlessly and get along with others. We have two wives, so she can’t come in and cause chaos.

Be my confidant. Open up to me and share everything as I do to her.

Looks are not really important to me, despite my joke above. They have to be willing to wake up and look at me as well, and I’m not the greatest looking guy.

 

[theleastofthese]

In the future, I'd like these things:

I'd like a family where being "too nice" is seen as an asset and not as a weakness because everyone in the family are genuinely good people who want what's best for one another and for the family structure.

Where forgiveness is practiced, instead of "one upping" one another, we all trust that everyone has our best interests at heart. Regardless of personality clashes or misunderstandings.

An active family would be great, I'm non-stop doing things from the moment I wake up.

Humble people are the absolute best! Being happy and grateful for what they have, even when it's very little.

A husband who commands authority just by his presence and the manner in which he carries himself, who doesn't feel the need to endlessly ramble on about it. A leader who all of us wives aspire to please. Which means we don't bicker, gossip, speak badly, or create tension amongst ourselves, knowing it won't please or benefit our husband's household.

I don't care much about intelligence; just don't be a dummy who is prone to making terrible decisions. Besides, attempting to have conversations with a walking thesaurus sucks.

I love down-to-earth, funny people who don't take things too seriously and, most importantly, are strong in faith.

 

[cnystrom]

I was going to put this in the men's section but it occurs to me that wives will absolutely have their own ideals in a new family sisterwife and that the single ladies will have plenty of criteria for the family they are seeking.

I am starting the thread so I will pitch mine first and y'all jump in so we can see if there is a lot of consensus or just tones of outliers etc.
Stable - can be a little crazy, prefer crazy fun or crazy smart or crazy loving but so long as it is all positive stuff and...stable. maybe just crazy enough to follow where I lead
Devoted to polygamy - I really would prefer that someone has taken the time to think it through and examined all the potential ups and downs and made a decision based on study of the plural marriage and not just wanting to try something new or it looked fun on TV
Smart - don't need to be a genius but both of us are talkers and for stoics pretty prosocial so the need to be able to have conversations are pretty fundamental
Must love/want kids - this should be pretty self explanatory
Prefer strong faith - sounds odd from me but I know that strong faith corolates to increased happiness, better life outcomes and...well, quite a list of positive outcomes
Potential best pal to first wife - self explanatory
Misc - obvious stuff everyone wants. Honest, loving, committed and so on. Less concerned about appearance than character. Pretty is nice but pretty doest make you a good wife

How about y'all? Especially the wives and single ladies searching. I imagine a bunch of the guys will have similar basic ideas to mine, so hearing y'all's may be more interesting. Inclufimg the ladies who have been through the successful process in the past and what you had in mind while searching

Has to be named "kindheart640" on Modern Polygamy. <sigh>

She is so pretty. Why, oh why will she not respond?!?!

 

[paterfamilias]

In the future, I'd like these things:

Woo hoo...girl input

I'd like a family where being "too nice" is seen as an asset and not as a weakness because everyone in the family are genuinely good people who want what's best for one another and for the family.

based
and because I can't just say one thing and stop...
I think it is a male vs female polarity thing but where we both hit the same finishing line.
I see it as being an issue of manners...ie one's manner of interacting with their wife(ves)/husband/family. Lots of
people seem to treat strangers with more respect than the people integral to their happiness and success. Just weird. So I am big on showing overt respect for your loved ones.

Where forgiveness is practiced, instead of "one upping" one another, we all trust that everyone has our best intentions at heart. Regardless of personality clashes or misunderstandings.

The one upping and holding grudges...manufacturing grudges for that matter. All so toxic.
Agree

An active family would be great, I'm non-stop doing things from the moment I wake up.

ugh.. I bet you even smile in the mornings too don't you

Humble people are the absolute best! Being happy and grateful for what we have, even if it's very little.

Broadly agree

A husband who commands authority just by his presence and the manner in which he carries himself, who doesn't feel the need to endlessly ramble on about it.

Thst kind of things from guys is supposed to be a fitness/virtue signal to woman but it frequently falls super flat. Self aggrandizing is often times going to have the opposite result from what those guys wish to accomplish

A leader who all of us wives aspire to please. Which means we don't bicker, gossip, speak badly, or create tension amongst ourselves, knowing it won't please or benefit our husband's household.

High standard.
It is to a large degree something that the man can control but not entirely.
To my mind, the individual people are every bit as critical as the husbands leadership.
In the end though, regardless of if there are problems and friction that the husband fails to fix...it is very much still his responsibility.

I don't care much about intelligence; just don't be a dummy who is prone to making terrible decisions. Besides, attempting to have conversations with a walking thesaurus sucks.

I love down-to-earth, funny people who don't take things too seriously and, most importantly, are strong in faith.