Some of my questions

[Bria]

Hello!

Here are some of my questions. If you have not read my "Looking for advice" forum on the ladies tab please do that explains a little about where I am right now but here are some questions I have so far.

How did your husband marry another woman? Did you have a ceremony that was just under God? Did you create your own marriage certificate or like a contract? Does she wear a ring? Did she change her name?

What about kids' names? Do the SW's children take the name of the father even?

How does insurance and dependents work?

Has it been difficult to share children/your husband's seed? Like him procreating with someone other than you? Does it complicate things for the kids?

Anyone here grow up in a polygamist family? What was it like? And are you searching for it now or living it now?

If I don't get too many answers here on the ladies only place I will also post this on a more public forum.

 

[MeganC]

I love questions!

How did your husband marry another woman? Did you have a ceremony that was just under God? Did you create your own marriage certificate or like a contract? Does she wear a ring? Did she change her name?

To start I should say I was the third wife in the family so I was the other woman. We had a quiet ceremony with the pastor and the family. My mom came to the wedding even though she wasn't into it. It wasn't legal and all we did was write it down in the family Bible. I am the legal wife now but my marriage took place a long time before that and it was before God, not some bureaucrat.

What about kids' names? Do the SW's children take the name of the father even?

Yes.

How does insurance and dependents work?

Steve owns his own business and we have everyone under the group health plan.

Has it been difficult to share children/your husband's seed? Like him procreating with someone other than you? Does it complicate things for the kids?

Sometimes I'll admit that it's hard to share. But then I come to love my new sisters and then you just want them to be happy too. The kids grew up with this and to them it's weird that some of their friends only have one mom in the house.

Anyone here grow up in a polygamist family? What was it like? And are you searching for it now or living it now?

I did not grow up in the life as I child but I do feel I've grown in it since coming into it as a young adult. I wasn't a Christian before this and I really didn't know much about the Bible and now I think I have a good understanding of my faith and of Scripture.

 

[MeganC]

By the way, Bria, welcome to BF!

 

[julieb]

I love questions, too!

How did your husband marry another woman? Did you have a ceremony that was just under God? Did you create your own marriage certificate or like a contract? Does she wear a ring? Did she change her name?

It was a ceremony between them (most family was upset about it all). A ring was given and a covenant made between them. She did not change her name, though she had the choice. It was important for her to keep it on several levels.

What about kids' names? Do the SW's children take the name of the father even? Yes

How does insurance and dependents work?

My husband had me (his legal wife) and the kids on his work insurance. He bought Health insurance for his second wife.

Has it been difficult to share children/your husband's seed? Like him procreating with someone other than you? Does it complicate things for the kids?

No, not really, I knew it would be something that I would need to adjust my thinking about but it was one of many things that needed that. I did have a moment of demanding that I have another child before she did but that was all about controlling the situation. I need to let that go and trust in whatever plan God had for things.

 

[Sunflower]

How did your husband marry another woman? Did you have a ceremony that was just under God? Did you create your own marriage certificate or like a contract? Does she wear a ring? Did she change her name?

We just had a small very quick ceremony before God and our family. (Other wives and children) We said a few words, I received a ring, and then we left for a couple days. That is how it went for my other sister wife as well who is the second. I know for me, I didn’t want a wedding or anything huge or even other people there. For me, it seemed so private and intimate that I didn’t really want to share with others outside our family. I was very happy with it all. I have not changed my last name yet, but my sister wife did and my other sister wife is the legal wife so her last name had been changed already.

What about kids' names? Do the SW's children take the name of the father even?

We currently only have children in our home from the first wife so yes all those children have the same last name. When and if more children come, they would take the Husband’s last name.


Has it been difficult to share children/your husband's seed? Like him procreating with someone other than you?

For me, I have no issues sharing our husband. But then again, I also came in as a third wife and already knew that from the get go so I’m sure it’s easier for me in that aspect.

Anyone here grow up in a polygamist family? What was it like? And are you searching for it now or living it now?

I did not grow up in it and wasn’t exposed to it until I started searching it and I am currently living it!

This was fun! I love reading others answers!

 

[Joleneakamama]

How did your husband marry another woman?

After about 20 years of being open to the idea he hired a friend of a friend to do secretarial work from home. She was a single mom and appreciated being able to be home with her son...and still pay bills.
She started coming on Saturdays as her son liked playing with our kids, and then she also came down to help with stuff she was interested in.....like canning peaches in 2021.
She got to know the whole family, and over time I brought up our beliefs relating to polygyny and expressed a positive view of the benefits.
After about a year my dear hubby had heard her say she wasn't seeing anyone, and he asked her to go hiking with him. She said yes. About ten days later they went for a walk after dinner and started talking serious.
They talked about her being part of his family. He told her to take all the time she needed to decide. Just a couple days later she said she was sure this was what she wanted.

Did you have a ceremony that was just under God?

I told them that it was up to them. I was happy to help with a wedding....but I also told them God is the witness of their relationship and if they didn't want a wedding that was fine too. There was something here to upset most everyone. Age difference, he was her boss, he was already married.
They couldn't think of really anyone who would be happy and supportive ....so he just privately put a ring on her finger. Our ten year old daughter saw that when they came home....and smiled non stop for over an hour!
They had been spending time together at home. No one bothered them out pulling weeds in the garden. Lol I would get cute reports from the little one (she was 4) telling me they were holding hands....or touching foreheads.

Did you create your own marriage certificate or like a contract?

The common and understood belief and intent is the contract. The marriage is also recorded in the Bible.

Does she wear a ring?

Yes!

Did she change her name?

Not legally.

What about kids' names?

Her son already knew his name. It has not been changed.

Do the SW's children take the name of the father even?

Yes!

Has it been difficult to share children/your husband's seed? Like him procreating with someone other than you?

Nope. I looked forward to being able to share life with another mom who was part of the family. I wanted a permanent friend to build a relationship with. I LOVE seeing the tender looks, hand holding, snuggles. Love seeing that man of ours hold his new little girl. Love seeing her be a mama again.

Does it complicate things for the kids?

We have adult children. The subject was a hard one for our daughter in law before they married. She can see this is good for us though, and believes God had His hand in bringing it about. She accepts my sw and her children as family, and treats her as a friend.
Our second son has chosen to see this as a filter...not a liability. He wants someone who wants truth... and will submit to the truth. He is a fine man and I hope and pray his willingness to speak and stand for truth will be rewarded. He loves his new baby sis and shows off pictures.
So yes, it complicates life....but being peculiar does. We were already different....in ways people really seem to appreciate. Our children are liked and in demand for work...known to be willing and able help.

Anyone here grow up in a polygamist family?

Nope, but my parents believed it was moral, and I later learned some of my childhood friends were being raised in polygynous homes.

are you searching for it now or living it now?

Living it now. ...but only for about a year. Getting ready to go to the family reunion for the second time with our new additions. They got welcomed with hugs last year. I love my family!
Polygyny is really just more loved and trusted family.
Poly math is 1+1=1 +1=1 +1=1
It may reveal areas in your thinking or heart that need to be changed. It may reveal areas in your relationship with your hubby that can be improved. It gives you a crazy new and nice opportunity to live the golden rule!
I think it gives the women opportunities for friendship and support that go way beyond what any other friend could do.
I used to joke about it being a job share....but seriously... it is a life and heart share too!
I am beyond blessed to have a sisterwife that I admire, respect, and love. She is sweet and beautiful inside and out. We have some crazy stuff in common too, and get along well. I trust her completely and love that she is here....and loves our family. Our five year old claims her....she told me months ago she has two moms!

I really believe more people would choose this....if they knew how it could be.